thelesterlee
Last season ended early for the Philadelphia 76ers as they lost in 7 games to the New York Knicks in the first round.
I walked away from that series thinking that team was Tyrese Maxey, a former MVP with a busted knee that’ll never heal properly because he keeps rushing back to prove, like, Twitter teenagers wrong, and a bunch of bums who were lucky to be on an NBA roster.
But the Sixers walked away from the series knowing most of those bums’ contracts expired and they had a ton of cap space entering free agency.
And what a free agency this team had. It’s impossible to call GM Daryl Morey anything other than genius with the franchise-altering signings he made.
Let’s go through all of the Sixers masterful moves and break down why the 2024-25 Philadelphia 76ers are easily walking to the NBA Finals:
Signed Paul George
Never forget when Paul George hit the side of the backboard in a game 7 😭😭😂💯 pic.twitter.com/wEXBIhObCF
— HoodieBev (@HoodieBev) June 29, 2024
Every time Paul George sits down with his two weird friends for his boring ass podcast, he is compelled to say the most loser-shit you’ll ever hear.
Like after the Clippers were bounced in the first round by the Mavericks, a series in which Paul George scored 7 points in Game 3, PG went on his podcast and said that after the James Harden trade, he and Kawhi were suddenly forced to do the ‘dirty work’, aka defend and rebound, and that’s why they lost.
He’s complained about not having the ball in his hands enough while also complaining about being asked to play point guard.
So what exactly does Paul George think his job is in Philadelphia? When it comes to touches, he’ll be behind Joel Embiid and Tyrese Maxey. He’ll have to be able to defend the other team’s best wing scorer most nights.
George whining on his podcast about his role feels inevitable but fortunately, Philadelphia is a very understanding and forgiving city so I’m sure the guy who has openly admitted that outside noise affects his in-game performance will be totally fine.
Signed Caleb Martin
If you look at any Sixers depth chart, you’ll see Caleb Martin listed as the starting power forward.
When you have Joel Embiid—who seems physically incapable of securing easy rebounds because he’s either out of breath or moving in slow motion—it makes a ton of sense for his frontcourt partner to be the smallest power forward in the league.
And you know Paul George doesn’t think he needs to do any of that ‘dirty work’ so either Caleb Martin is averaging 11 rebounds a game next season or the Sixers are getting destroyed on the boards.
Signed Andre Drummond
Andre Drummond has been in the NBA my entire life and he’s only 31 years old.
As a backup, he fits pretty well—especially considering all the shit I just talked about their lack of rebounding.
HOWEVER, Joel Embiid’s knee appears to be held together by Elmer’s glue and prayer.
Drummond is going to start a ton of games for this team.
If Drummond is your starting center in the year 2025, well, you absolutely won’t have to worry about making Mother’s Day plans around the Sixers game. They won’t be on TV. They’ll be at brunch right next to you.
Signed Eric Gordon and Reggie Jackson
These players are fine. I don’t need to list their limitations. They’re role players. Sure.
But no one else thinks it’s weird how excited everyone is about the Sixers signing two vet bench guys as if they are astronomically better than Buddy Hield and Nic Batum.
Eric Gordon and Reggie Jackson are just guys.
Re-Signed Kyle Lowry
The Knicks and Sixers went to 7 games last year.
Lowry scored 0 points in Game 5, 0 points in Game 6 and did not play Game 7.
If the goal is to make the playoffs then smart move to bring back Lowry.
If the goal is to win an NBA title then putting Lowry on the court to give the other team a 5-on-4 advantage might make things difficult.
The Sixers are going to need Lowry out there injuring other players by respawning underneath them as they go up for layups.
Re-Signed Kelly Oubre
This man may not even survive the season. Philadelphia has been hell for Oubre. Every time he steps one foot off the sidewalk, he wakes up on the hood of a Honda Accord. As you read this, Oubre is probably getting peeled off a windshield.
Drafted Jared McCain
Justin Edwards is the first 76er to be featured in a Jared McCain tik tok! pic.twitter.com/u5xuukwPaV
— Harrison Grimm (@Harrison_Grimm) July 31, 2024
Your little sister’s favorite player. Jared McCain will for sure lead the NBA in TikToks. I have never in my life seen anyone behave as lightskin as this brother. If a wizard offered him a choice of averaging 30 points a game next season or getting a bunch of random girls to like his next TikTok, he’d choose the latter right after the wizard says “random girls”.
Signed Guerschon Yabusele
I mean look at this insane dunk over Kevin Durant in the Olympics:
Guerschon Yabusele pic.twitter.com/9yzKivlvor
— Maestrochumino (@jeremiasescriva) August 13, 2024
This is the final piece of the Super Team. Geurschon Yabusele is the man who will muscle the Sixers to the title. Although he only played 74 career NBA games with the Celtics before being exiled back to his home country, Yabusele is the missing piece for this 76ers Super Team.
Congrats to the 2024-25 Philadelphia 76ers for both winning the offseason AND the NBA title this year because they drafted a twink, signed an aging superstar who uses his weekly podcast to blame other people for his shortcomings and brought back a French guy who wasn’t good enough to stay in the league the first time.
Sixers in 4 bay-beeeee.
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