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We are one week into the 2025-26 NBA Season, which means it’s time for overreactions to small sample sizes.
The temperature dropped below 70 degrees so I’m locked inside, devouring NBA games like the people calling Damon Jones for betting tips.
I think I’m gonna pop in every Tuesday to share my weird thoughts on the NBA.
Let’s start with the foreign psyop…
Dr. Doom Claims His Throne
While the world focus all their energy on Israel and Ukraine, under the veil of night, French scientists bioengineered a creature specifically designed to dominate the sport of basketball. Standing at 7-foot-5 with an 8-foot wingspan, trained by Ra’s Al Ghul and the League of Shadows, Victor Wembanyama has the NBA under his thumb.
Bane humbled, Victor Von Doom arrived in America in 2023, drafted no. 1 overall by the Spurs, his first act of business? Destroy Britney Spears.
San Antonio Spurs rookie Victor Wembanyama said Thursday that he believes Britney Spears grabbed him from behind as he was walking into a restaurant at a Las Vegas casino and that the security detail he was with pushed the pop star away. (ESPN)
After 2 years on low battery mode, storing his energy while studying and analyzing the strengths and weaknesses of his competition, running simulations of all possible outcomes, preparing for his moment to strike, Victor is here.
Striking.
The San Antonio Spurs are 4-0, one of the few remaining undefeated teams. Wembanyama is planting the French flag on every court.
Here’s what Wemby’s season is looking like 4 games in:
- 31.0 points per game (7th in the NBA)
- 13.8 rebounds per game (4th in the NBA)
- 4.8 blocks per game (1st in the NBA)
- 60% shooting from the field
- 36% from 3
Victor Wembanyama is a black hole, an uncontrollable gravitational force, swallowing any shot at the rim, San Antonio’s no. 1-ranked defense anchored by a being whose singular life purpose is preventing basketball from entering the hoop.
And he’s scoring 31 points a night, defenses looking up at the giant able to score over anyone, whenever he wants.
When World War III happens, soon prob, France will have their super soldier on American soil. They’re about to be serving escargo out of The Alamo. Davy Crockett’ll look good in a beret.
Giannis’s Last Dance
Dr. Doom isn’t the only 7-foot predator with a stranglehold on the NBA.
Giannis Antetokounmpo is playing under unique circumstances this season.
After winning the 2021 NBA Championship, the Bucks drifted further and further from the grand prize—losing in the 2nd round the next year to Boston, followed by 3 consecutive first round exits; 3 coaches later, Damiam Lillard traded for and waived, at age 30, with two MVP trophies on the mantle—Giannis flirted with other teams this summer, including the New York Knicks—recognizing the Bucks roster wasn’t talented enough to compete for a title and the final years of his prime would be wasted playing with Kyle Kuzma.
Giannis, orbiting in rarified air, a position few of us ever reach—has complete control of his destiny.
If Giannis plays his best basketball and the team around him plays their best basketball, like they currently are, they can win a championship—this year.
If Giannis plays his best basketball and the team struggles or injuries pile up, he can demand a trade and be on the move, to the city of his choice, by January.
Last season, another fellow perennial MVP candidate, Luka Doncic, traded from Dallas to Los Angeles just a few months removed from leading the Mavericks to the NBA Finals.
It wouldn’t be unprecedented to reorient the direction of a team midseason by sending a superstar across the country. The Mavs got back Anthony Davis from LA and started playing like it was 2002. Elton Brand ball. Shareef Abdur-Rahim reboots.
Giannis has the NBA in the palm of his hands.
- 36.0 points per game (2nd)
- 16.0 rebounds per game (1st)
- 7.0 assists per game
- 68% shooting from the field
- 66% from 3
A week into the season and Giannis, every night, treats each game like they have championship stakes—because they do.
Billy Donovan Coach of the Year (?)
Bulls head coach Billy Donovan received a contract extension before the season. Felt like a commitment to the median. After back-to-back 39-43 seasons, and no major roster changes, Chicago appeared dedicated to being fine, willing and able to be a punching bag for whatever team wants a quick W.
Chicago is 3-0, as we all expected.
The Pacer-sification of the NBA is upon us.
Last season, the Indiana Pacers were a game away from winning the NBA championship—without a real, true star, Kobe-esque, dominant player.
Get defensive stops, take off running for easy fastbreak points. The Pacers offense was powered by constant activity and motion and chaos-creation—defenses unsure which player to lock in on—every Pacer capable of doing damage when called upon.
The Bulls are 4th in defense and Top 10 in pace.
Josh Giddey in the Tyrese Haliburton spot—a player the Oklahoma City Thunder traded away, improving and winning a championship the second they cleared Giddey’s locker—Josh is an oversized point guard, using his size advantage to see every passing lane and snatch 8.7 rebounds a game.
After 5 seasons developing in the San Antonio Spurs dojo, Tre Jones is shooting 57% from 3, averaging 8.3 assists and 3.3 steals—looking like the next Derrick White game-changer for a winning program.
35-year-old Nikola Vucevic, in his 15th NBA season, looking spry as hell out there—leading the Bulls with 20 points a night. Is it keto? Atkins? Thighmaster? RIP Christmas Snow.
While the Orlando Magic, Atlanta Hawks and Detroit Pistons trip on their faces out of the gate, Chicago is stealing victories, sitting on top of the Eastern Conference. No MJ or Pippen in sight. Just Patrick Williams and Issac Okoro trying really hard on defense.
Rookie Watch: Cedric Coward
The Memphis Grizzlies are sort of resetting the table.
After so many injury-ridden seasons wasted—and that one season Ja Morant could not stop getting drunk and pulling guns out on his Instagram, scaring the hoes—Memphis traded their best shooter and one of their leaders, Desmond Bane, to Orlando.
Their head coach fired last season following a serious late-season losing streak by a very unserious team.
This is a step back and reflect season for the Grizzlies. And I don’t mean step back like they should be okay with losing more games but this feels like Jaren Jackson Jr. and Ja Morant need to show and prove they are grown men who can withstand the physical toll of an 82-game season without needing months off to recover.
If Ja Morant is on the floor, the Grizzlies typically win basketball games.
However, Memphis may have found an escape hatch in rookie forward Cedric Coward.
Cedric Coward scored 27 points against the Pacers last week, 6-for-6 from 3, a skill most rookies don’t have developed on day one.
This Grizzlies team desperately needed a guy who can guard the other team’s best perimeter scorer while also scoring 20 a night on the other end.
If Ja or Jaren need a couple months to heal a broken toenail, Memphis could quickly pivot to building around Cedric Coward—a man whose name, growing up, definitely forced him to prove otherwise.
Adam Silver Judgement Day
NBA Commissioner is in hell.
Everyone in that NBA office is moving like they’re in A House of Dynamite, trying to stop a nuclear missile.
Prior to the season, Pablo Torre uncovered bankruptcy documents linking the Los Angeles Clippers and their former partners, Aspiration, to a potential league violation as Aspiration sent out $7 million wire payments to Kawhi Leonard as a way for the Clippers to pay Kawhi extra money outside of the NBA salary cap restrictions.
Since then, Pablo Torre has released more and more information on Aspiration—their bosses seemingly spending their days having convos with employees like, “Hey, don’t forget, we have to pay Kawhi Leonard to help the Clippers cheat. Tell everyone”.
The NBA announced an investigation into the alleged cap circumvention—but the league doesn’t quite have the benefit of the doubt right now.
Adam Silver said the NBA investigated Terry Rozier intentionally taking himself out of a basketball game to win prob bets and found no wrongdoing.
The FBI arrested Terry Rozier for wrongdoing.
Portland Trailblazers (now former) head coach, under arrest.
The world changes and leagues must catch up or get left behind.
People are getting push notifications all day long, begging them to gamble on nonsense. The NBA encourages fans to download these “steal-your-money” apps, all game long.
The amount of money these new owners have access to far surpasses the maniacs who used to run teams. Clippers owner Steve Ballmer is astronomically richer than 99.9999% of humans on Earth. He’d be delicious.
Adam Silver can either put his fingers in his ears, ignoring the reputation-altering violations happening in his league, or he can bring the nukes out, making examples of anyone trying to break his rules. Lifetime bans. Public shaming. Death by stoning. Old Testament justice.
Knicks Corner
Can’t not talk about the Knicks. Coming off a bruuuutal loss to the Indiana Pacers in the Eastern Conference Finals—New York moved on from head coach Tom Thibodeau after 5 long years playing his starters 10,000 minutes a night—refusing to allow them a seat or a sip of Gatorade.
With a team full of dynamic players like Jalen Bruson, Karl-Anthony Towns, OG Anunoby and Mikal Bridges—the Knicks offense lacked sophistication, nuance and surprise.
Jalen Brunson is my favorite ball hog of all time—Allen Iverson off the kimchi instead of the yac. He’s my height and 10th in scoring. In the same league with Wembanyama and Giannis, a guy barely scraping 6 feet tall, capable of getting his shot off over gods and monsters—a one-man offensive battery, charging late in games, scoring whenever he decides to.
New head coach, Mike Brown, coached LeBron in Cleveland (the first time in Cleveland), 4 NBA championships as an assistant—brought in to utilize more of the bench, granting the starters permission to sit down for a second to collect their thoughts, and unlock more diverse offensive possessions.
3 games in and the Knicks look pretty much the same as last season.
They’re shooting more threes (not making a bunch of them) but Mike Brown said he wanted the team to play faster.
The Knicks rank 22nd in pace.
Most teams are playing faster than them while Brunson still surgically mutilates opposing defenses, slowly dissecting them with each jab step, head fake and trip to the free throw line.
I’d love to watch a Knicks game that doesn’t go down to the final possession of the game but I won’t complain about watching down to the wire basketball games where my favorite team wins more often than not. How spoiled to complain about high-stakes, meaningful, dramatic basketball.
I’m already stressed 24/7. Knicks games are my homeostasis.
See y’all next Tuesday for more hoops yapping.
Thanks for reading.
Let me know what NBA stories you want to write about next. Shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s yap.
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