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It could feel embarrassing to ask your friends for life advice. Many adult friendships are surface-level— especially between men. A brief update on the career/marriage/children/weather—but rarely are we vulnerable with one another.
Jeffrey Epstein was flawed, ya know—the kidnapping, grooming, trafficking, money laundering, tax evasion, blackmailing, statutory raping, being the world’s sleep paralysis demon— but no one can deny he was a thoughtful set of ears, always available to offer his guidance, via email, a ton of emails—to all of his powerful and confused friends.
Larry Summers—the Secretary of the Treasury for Bill Clinton, the National Economic Council for Barack Obama, the former president of Harvard, the economic professor tasked with leading Obama’s Wall Street bail out, helping the acceleration of American wealth inequality directly leading to the highly specific conditions necesary for a reality show judge to become president, twice— was besties with Jeffrey Epstein.
Bad news from last week, the government reopened without Republicans agreeing to remove their cuts to the American healthcare system. Millions will suffer.
Good news, the government is reopened, allowing the House Oversight Committee to release a horde of Jeffrey Epstein emails where we can see, despite his flaws (treating young, poor teenage girls like Bounty paper towels)— he was the go-to guy for advice.
Here’s, then, 64-year-old Larry Summer, getting relationship advice from big Jeff:
An old, married professor just getting relationship advice with the chick magnet, Epstein. One of the most influential voices in America asking one of the most influential pedophiles how to get out of the friendzone.
These two are acting like Vince Vaugn and Jon Favreu in Swingers like” “nah, you can’t call her immediately after you get her number, it’ll make you seem desperate” but it’s not 1990’s Vince Vaugn. It’s a creepy 64-year old asking his even creepier friend if he should send the tongue out emoji to a girl who is like, 4 months removed from putting her belongings in a locker Monday through Friday.
Do not feel bad for his wife Elisa New, also pals with Epstein, seen below seeking his guidance.
Here she is asking Jeffrey Epstein—the man actively helping her husband prey on young women—for advice on how to get Serena Williams on her lame PBS poetry show.
Very cool and normal and regular for Jeffrey Epstein to read Lolita all the time. I’d be like Ted Bundy getting the electric chair with a copy of American Psycho on his lap.
(Epstein invested 6-figures into this poetry show. Truly a supportive friend.)
And just for fun, here is Larry Summers, again—the man behind the scenes of the Democratic party, helping shape their worldviews and policies—emailing Epstein his “insights” on Trump and America in 2017:
Harvard president makes an “lol, women are dumb” joke.
Larry Summers is upset that he can’t work at a “network of think tank”—two fake jobs to keep money in the hands of those who already have it—because he can’t stop honking his horn and shouting “A-YOOOO-GAAAA” out of his car when he sees freshman girls move in each Fall semester.
To Larry Summers (former Harvard president, can’t stress that enough), girls are soooo stupid but he’s also obsessed with sleeping with the youngest, least educated woman he can find.
It’s almost as if Larry doesn’t like intelligent, well-informed women his age, like his wife— a woman actively using him and Epstein to fund her poetry passion projects— and instead, prefers feeling like the only responsible, experienced, consenting adult in the (bed) room.
We are ruled by insecure, self-centered dorks who all had the same emergency contact: the devil.
“DO NOT REPEAT THIS INSIGHT”
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