thelesterlee
Everyone has their own specific sexual desires. Sometimes those desires lean heavier into fetishes and taboos that can feel embarrassing at times but we never kink shame here at Deadseriousness. If anything, I’d like to personally congratulate Brian Cashman for being open and honest with us to the point where he is just outwardly targeting the biggest and beefiest men he can find.
Going into the 2021 trade deadline, it appeared as though Colorado Rockies shortstop, Trevor Story, was the perfect addition to this Yankees team. He’s a left-handed hitter that would’ve allowed Gleyber Torres to return to his natural position at second base and would’ve brought balance to an easily manipulated right-hand heavy batting lineup.
But he’s only 6-foot-2 213 pounds. Brian Cashman doesn’t get out of bed in the morning for any guy that tiny. On a roster that already consists of Aaron Judge, Giancarlo Stanton, DJ LeMahieu and Luke Voit, Cashman has decided that he can go even bigger thus adding 6-foot-5 250 pound Joey Gallo and 6-foot-3 240 pound, Anthony Rizzo.
Let’s not leave out some of the pitchers the Yankees have acquired this week as well. Sal Romano is 6-foot-5 255 pounds and Clay Holmes is 6-foot-5 245 pounds. Somewhere in Brian Cashman’s office is a trash bin full of sticky tissues as he celebrates all these huge dudes in his clubhouse.
Many people are speculating that the acquisition of Rizzo means the Luke Voit era is over but when someone shows you who they are, you should believe them. Brian Cashman has this fetish. There is no reason to believe that Voit is going anywhere especially considering Rizzo’s contract is up at the end of the year so there’s no real urgency to move on from Voit.
As I’m writing this, I’m fairly certain Cashman is watching that clip of Voit one-arm bench pressing on a loop.
As far as how these trades affect the on-field product, when you build a stadium with a 314-foot right field wall specifically designed for left-handed power hitters, it makes sense to, ya know, acquire some fucking left-handers outside of 78-year old Brett Gardner.
Frst base has been one of the biggest holes for the Yankees. Between Mike Ford, Chris Gittens and injured Luke Voit, New York has been desperate for a consistent answer at that position. Jay Bruce was so terrible that he literally quit the sport.
Let’s take a quick peek at the team’s production from first base this season:
Yankees 1B Ranks This Season:
BA – 29th
OBP – 27th
SLG – 30th
OPS – 29th
wOBA – 27th
wRC+ – 26th— Katie Sharp (@ktsharp) July 29, 2021
Yike.
Anthony Rizzo and Joey Gallo are much needed additions if the Yankees want to catch up in the AL East. Plus, Brian Cashman got to get his little rocks off in the process. This is a big win for Yankees fans and an even bigger win for the coomers out there.
