Dom Capers: Normal Hair-Haver

This week, Dom Capers had his first press conference after being hired as an assistant defensive coach for the Carolina Panthers. The 72-year-old decided he was going to show up to this press conference fresh as hell with a brand new and totally normal and regular haircut.

Dom Capers at the podium. Spoke of the changes since the franchise started back in 1995. pic.twitter.com/W2ofsclWp6

— Sheena Quick (@Sheena_Marie3) February 22, 2023

Damn, Dom. Save some pussy for the rest of us. You didn’t have to wake up and click in your lego hair to stunt on all of us like this. My man moved to Charlotte and started acting different. I blame Jalen Rose for saying every haircut should cost at least $100.

Now, there are a lot of people who want to poke fun at Capers for looking like walked into the barbershop and said “uh. just give me all the hair on the floor and glue it to my scalp” but those people simply do not understand style and high fashion.

Sure to the untrained eye, Dom Capers looks like he’s having an end-of-life crisis that has transformed him into one of those wax caveman statues you see in every museum but that’s the hairstyle of a man who understands the female gaze.

How will the Dom Capers hire affect the 2023 Carolina Panthers?

Off rip, it’s clear that Capers is providing all of the sauce and swag this defense needs. Confidence should be at an all-time high with Big Dom gingerly walking through the team facility.

Here’s what Ejiro Evero, the defensive coordinator, said about what Capers brings to the team:

“He does everything. He’s somebody I can bounce ideas off. He’s someone that gives ideas and input on the game plan. He helps us with a lot of our tendencies. And he does some motivational things with the team as well. So he’s got his hands on a lot of things.”

I agree 1000% on the motivational part. Brian Burns is going to lead the NFL in sacks this season after spending an offseason with the real Top G, Dom Capers. You can think his hair looks like it has to charge overnight so it can spend the day vacuuming his floors like a Roomba but real one’s know Capers is the man with very normal hair.