Deadseriousness Audit: 2022 Arizona Cardinals

Welcome to the Deadseriousness Audit where we break down the season that was and preview the season to come.

The Arizona Cardinals finished 4-13 and now Kyler Murray has to come back from a torn ACL that I didn’t even realize he was suffering from.

What Went Right

JJ Watt was given a wonderful farewell tour. He finished with 12.5 sacks thus continuing his legacy of getting a shitload of meaningless stats for a below-.500 team. Watt is a BEAST when he knows he can start his vacation in early January.

24-year-old Isaiah Simmons continued to be everything he was expected to be out of Clemson recording 99 tackles and a pick-six.

What Went Wrong

And that aforementioned defense gave up the second-most points in the entire league. The Cardinals started the season giving up 44 points to the Chiefs and ended the season giving up 38 to the 49ers.

Hopefully I get this article out before they find their new head coach or hopefully this comes out before Kliff Kingsbury finishes his nasty trip to Bangkok. He and Kyler Murray seemed like they hated each other so the new coach should probably start off with like, being nice to the guy with the 5-year $230 million contract.

It’s also highly possible that Kyler Murray has peaked and it’s all downhill for him because he’s like, 4-foot-11 and can’t afford to lose even a tiny step of athleticism because it’s the only advantage he has on the field.

Free Agency

There is absolutely no one on this roster that the Cardinals need to bring back. If anything, they are about to trade away more parts. There is a zero percent chance DeAndre Hopkins is on this roster Week 1. AJ Green is out of here so Kyler is going to limp back on the field throwing to Hollywood Brown and *squints* that USA soccer player’s husband.

Draft

They should probably draft a receiver but again, they had one of the worst defenses in the league. JJ Watt is retiring and they can’t afford to have a weak pass rush. They had JJ THIS year and they sucked. How bad will they be without his 12 sacks?

The Cardinals should just draft all defense and offensive linemen while praying Kyler forgets his Xbox password.