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Deadseriousness 2023 WWE Payback Review: None of This Will Matter When CM Punk Comes

2023 wwe payback

2023 WWE Payback aired moments before AEW announced they were firing CM Punk because CM Punk could not stop threatening and fighting his coworkers.

It’s early to speculate what’s next for Pepsi Phil but would it shock anyone if he ended up returning to WWE?

Punk can go back to making cheap independent horror films no one will ever watch or he can make millions of dollars to work 8 minutes a week. Tough decision.

So let’s enjoy one of the final WWE PPVs before Chick Magnet Punk comes and brings his megalomania with him.

 

 

Becky Lynch vs. Trish Stratus (Steel Cage Match)

The feud that just will not end.

We’re approaching almost a full year since Becky came back from pregnancy leave and her entire time back has been spent playing with Trish and Lita.

She came back in November to team with them. It’s almost November again and Becky is still in the most boring program with Trish.

Enough.

I had low expectations for this match. It sounded like a vanity project for Trish who left the business before women were allowed to regularly compete in cage matches.

Until I saw the crater building on Trish’s forehead.

They had my full attention once I realized Becky was truly beating this old lady’s ass.

I sat up in my chair when Trish started growing a horn and from that point forward, these women were obsessed with climbing to the top of the cage and throwing each other off the top. Or more so, Becky became obsessed with launching Trish from the top.

Quick shout out to Trish for hitting the widow’s peak on Becky.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen her pick anyone up over her head and it feels like every women’s match has a botched spot where one struggles to pick up the other one but again, Trish is a sicko. She wasn’t going to mess up her biggest spot of the night. She’s built different.

This was arguably the match of the night.

Trish got to be a sicko taking the dumbest bumps she could and hopefully, Becky can move on and maintain some of the star power that was sapped from her by hanging out with this middle-aged woman for a year.

Anyway, get Becky and Rhea in a ring together ASAP.

The Miz vs. LA Knight

When The Miz and John Cena were in the midst of their awkward promo battle, it seemed fair to expect LA Knight to join them so he and Cena could spar for the first time on the mic.

That didn’t happen.

Instead, the Miz and LA Knight just sort of had a match.

I love LA Knight and I don’t want to clown his work but yea, his major skill is talking and there was a golden opportunity to come out there, talk shit, squash Miz, size up John Cena and look like a star.

But again, they uh, chose to actually wrestle. For 15 whole ass minutes. And Knight didn’t even grab a mic afterward. Ok.

Why have Cena there if there wasn’t going to be any shenanigans? It’s 2023 and you want me to sit through a fucking MIZ match??

Also, LA Knight’s finishing move is weird and bad and dumb.

He kicks his opponent in the gut and takes their head like he’s about to do a stunner but drops them on their face except LA always very clearly hits the mat first while he protects his opponent by stopping them from landing. It looks super weak and it looks like it hurts him way more than the person he’s doing it to.

It might be the worst-looking finisher in the sport.

Knight is an old school worker and if you remember the old days, guys weren’t working for 15 minutes. There were always run-ins and ref bumps and a bunch of sleight of hand to protect guys like Stone Cold from having boring ass channel-changers.

Never book another 15-minute LA Knight wrestling match.

United States Championship – Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Austin Theory

So, I was mostly on my phone during this match scrolling through CM Punk memes.

Good for Rey Mysterio adding another PPV win to his collection over a guy who I do not give any shits about.

Austin Theory is a generic Create-A-Wrestler who should’ve never won the Money in the Bank last year and I have no idea where he goes from here but hopefully, it’s out of the company.

Undisputed WWE Tag Team Championship — Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn (c) vs. Finn Balor & Damian Priest

This Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn tag team title reign has been meh.

WWE has tag teams like the Street Profits and Imperium but they choose to give the titles to main eventers who have storylines bigger than the tag division.

The Judgment Day becoming the tag champions was the right call but the titles once again belong to a grander storyline while there are so many guys on the roster who can benefit from just getting TV time but won’t because they’re not as big as Judgement Day currently is.

But this match was incredible so I’ll complain later.

Summerslam was boring as hell.

WWE is so against violence and blood and using weapons in matches but sometimes these grudge matches need a level of brutality that a regular tag match doesn’t have.

Kevin Owens bleeding and jumping off a balcony through a table is astronomically more exciting than Finn and Damian beating up Sami Zayn over and over for 6 minutes straight before he finally gets the hot tag to Owens and he does all his signature moves and they win.

This was also a rare match where there were 3 separate run ins from Dom Mysterio, JD McDonagh and Rhea Ripley and every one was a surprise that added to the match instead of being an annoying distraction *cough* unlike every predictable Roman Reigns match *cough*.

Do more street fights. Let people jump from high places.

Dear Rhea, please tackle me through a wall.

Women’s World Championship — Rhea Ripley (c) vs. Raquel Rodriguez

There’s just something missing from Rhea’s matches.

Perhaps this is the biggest problem in this current era of wrestling where every champion gets a year-long reign.

If I know 10000% Raquel Rodriguez isn’t going to beat Rhea then how can I be fully invested in this match?

I’ve seen better Raquel matches but I think your hands are tied when Rhea is supposed to look unstoppable. I don’t mind so much but it will become a problem sooner than later.

Let Rhea’s opponents get more of their shit off. Rhea showing weakness in her matches could go a long way in helping build the women’s division.

World Heavyweight Championship — Seth Rollins (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Every time I do these reviews I have to remind you I just don’t get it with Seth Rollins.

His character is guy who giggles for no reason and gets fits off.

He is the beneficiary of a change in the wrestling landscape where work rate is valued over anything while also benefiting from all of the better workers leaving the company. Like, imagine Bryan Danielson or even Chris Jericho still working there. Seth wouldn’t have these same opportunities.

So Seth Rollins is presented to us as this guy who is a guaranteed good match. You give him and Nakamura 20 minutes and people on the internet will give them 4 stars and talk about the ring psychology and blah blah but what Seth Rollins matches always lack is a big moment.

The last time a Rollins match had a big moment was in the Hell in a Cell against Cody Rhodes and that moment had everything to do with Cody and nothing to do with Seth.

You have a big, personal feud with Nakamura and nothing happens.

Why couldn’t The Great Muta come and spit green mist in Seth’s face?

Why couldn’t the heel, Shinsuke, knock the ref out and do something illegal to really punish Seth’s back?

Seth matches just occur. It’s like watching a video game simulation.

This was an opportunity to give Nakamura a huge moment while giving Seth a break to tend to his injuries but at the same time, the crowd loves Seth and I understand keeping the belt around his waist.

I just cannot stress enough that these title matches do not fucking matter if the champions NEVER LOSE. Not everyone needs a record-breaking title reign.

 

 

 

Random stray thoughts:

  • CM Punk vs. Seth Rollins would be the most interesting thing Seth has done ever.
  • Kevin Owens getting the blood wiped off his face off camera was the lamest moment of the night
  • I don’t give a shit about Zoey Stark.

 

 

 

 

 

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Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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