I would love to be considered amongst the greatest to ever type words but unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever come close.
I highkey suck at this.
I lack, like, the basic fundamentals. Abritrary punctuations, run-on sentences and typos top to bottom. These are caveman drawings. Middle school doodles on the backs of worksheets.
Honestly, the weird guy on Main Street screaming about the End Days, handing out Jesus pamphlets, has a bigger audience than I do.
I’d settle for just making enough money to tip a whole $5 bill instead of asking the waitress if she has singles. That’s wealth to me.
After years of not even coming close to success, I’ve come to terms with my mediocrity—embraced it.
At 28 years old—7 years into his pathetic NFL career, loaded with disappointment, injuries and one singular postseason appearance—I imagine Daniel Jones is having similar conversations with himself about whether or not he’s hit his head on his football playing ceiling.
On Tuesday afternoon, the Indianapolis Colts named Daniel Jones as their Week 1 starting quarterback over Anthony Richardson—a player the organization drafted with the 3rd overall pick in 2023.
The highest QB selected by the ball club since Andrew Luck in 2012.
Anthony Richardson was the next chosen one—the franchise guy to take the baton from Andrew Luck that was handed to him by Peyton Manning.
And suddenly, that baton was smacked out of his hands by a guy with a 24-44-1 career win-loss record.
Before Richardson—one of the youngest players in the NFL—could get another opportunity to prove he can do this thing, he was replaced by a guy who has had 6 years to prove, without a shadow of a doubt, he cannot do this thing.
How did we even get here?
Why is Daniel Jones the Colts QB1?
On March 13, 2025, Jones signed a one-year, $14 million contract to join the Indianapolis Colts.
Jones suffered public ego death at the hands of the Giants via midseason firing. It’s it wasn’t as if Jones was being benched for a young backup with starter pontential like Drew Lock. No, Drew Lock was injured. It was after a 10am game overtime loss to the Carolina Panthers where Daniel Jones finished with 190 yards, 2 interceptions and 50.2 passer rating, getting outdueled by Bryce Young, who was benched and only accidentally handed his job back because Andy Dalton CTE’d his family into a tree.
The Giants were so publically embarassed that they cut him and started Tommy DeVito, the undrafted local neighborhood kid who either won the Invincible contest or 22-year old Brian Daboll had a WILD weekend at the Shore and he’s finally ready to raise his son.
Jones started the year on a 2-8 spiral to hell in which New York’s offense was as effective as a cheap paper napkin on a wine stain.
Daniel Jones spent the backhalf of last season on the Minnesota Vikings—carrying Sam Darnold’s bags and filling his new Minneapolis apartment with free Vikings merch.
Meanwhile in Indy, second-year starter Anthony Richardson spent the 2024 season haunted in Harrenhal.
In 3 years at Florida, Anthony Richardson had thrown a grand total of 393 passes.
The Titans 2025 No. 1 overall pick, Cam Ward, threw 454 passes last season alone.
Richardson threw 393 in 3 years.
In 13 starts, the Gators were 6-7 and Richardson completed just 54% of his attempts.
He barely threw any passes and when he did, it was a coin toss whether the ball leaving his hands would end up in the hands of his receiver.
Despite his lack of understanding of, ya know, how to play football, Anthony Richardson demonstrated magical abilities.
At 6-foot-5, 245 pounds, Richardson looked like he took the Super Soldier Serum, a Hulk amongst children out there.
With just a flick of the wrist, Richardson can send a ball into orbit.
When he takes off running, it’s like a rhino charging—trees and Earth bending around his frame.
Sure, his accuracy was what I can only describe as “random.”
I understand why Colts GM Chris Ballard elected to select Anthony Richardson so high in the 2023 Draft.
Indianapolis just came off an embarrassing 4-win 2022 season hijacked by the now very dead Colts owner, Jim Irsay—who, through the narrow lens of the K-hole through which he often perceived the world—hired Jeff Saturday as the team’s head coach. Irsay didn’t even include Ballard in the decision. He woke up in the back of his car and just hired one of the first friends who answered his calls.
The same Jeff Saturday who was featured weekly on ESPN’s Get Up—serving up milqtoast takes next to Mike Greenberg and Dominique Foxworth. The same Jeff Saturday whose only coaching experience was coaching a little high school ball on the weekends in his free time.
It made all the sense in the world to use their first round pick on a potential superstar who can heroically overcome a weird owner and bad coaches.
Especially after Andrew Luck retired before the 2019 season and left the Colts with an arts and crafts project, pasting together the combined remnants of Philip Rivers, Matt Ryan and Carson Wentz’s talents.
But you can only draft who’s available and the 2023 rookie QB class wasn’t full of gamechangers.
Outside of CJ Stroud, everyone was a bum. Anthony Richardson was a scratch lotto ticket. A hope. A prayer. A waste of $5.
Plus, the Colts replaced the broadcaster with Shane Steichen—the offensive coordinator for an Eagles team that just made it to the Super Bowl.
Jalen Hurts is like responsible Anthony Richardson. Jalen Hurts is like if Anthony Richardson knew more defensive coverages than handshakes.
Richardson was a project but the Colts believed they had reinforced their infrastructure to help grow their magic bean.
Unfortunately, Anthony Richardson is never on the field.
In Week 2 of his rookie season, he suffered a concussion.
Right off the bat, his head hurts.
A month later, Richardson was placed on the IR with a shoulder strain. He would end up needing season-ending surgery to fix the joint.
Okay, so the young QB with no experience needed playing time to get better and couldn’t even physically throw a ball for most of his first NFL season.
Sucks.
But we try again next season.
He missed weeks 5 and 6 with an oblique injury.
He came back and benched himself in the middle of a series because he was “tired”.
Then the team benched him for real, replacing him with 39-year-old Joe Flacco.
Richardson would earn his starting role back, had a few interesting moments out there before finishing the season on the sidelines, once again—this time suffering a back injury.
Richardson played 15 games in 2 seasons.
He finished 2024 with a 47.7 completion percentage, the worst in the league and the 3rd worst in the last 20 years.
Going into the 2025 season, GM Chris Ballard and head coach Shane Steichen understand they need to win games to maintain their incomes. Their little quarterback experiment didn’t work. The magic beans didn’t lead to gold. They were just beans, man.
Daniel Jones is their lime on a capsizing boat.
Can Daniel Jones save everyone’s jobs?
Here’s an excerpt from a story from the local IndyStar, glazing Jones for his work ethic and how well he articulates himself.
By the time the Colts returned to Indianapolis for the start of offseason workouts, he’d already begun throwing with receivers who were in the area, and he carried it over to the team’s official workouts, beginning with the weight room.
“He was going hard,” second-year wide receiver Adonai Mitchell said. “He kind of made it an emphasis, because he was new, to try to get to know everybody and build connections with everybody. It kind of felt like he’d been here before.”
Rookie tight end Tyler Warren typically gets to the team facility at 6:30 in the morning. By the time he gets there, Jones is already into his routine.
“You’re usually going to see him at some point, whether he’s already in the film room or in the weight room,” Warren said. “He’s probably going to be one of the first guys here every day.”
Daniel Jones has the media narrative on his side—but he always has.
He’s a tall, handsome(ish) white guy who stands up straight and looks you in the eyes when he shakes your hand.
At Duke, Jones played for David Cutcliff—Peyton Manning’s offensive coordinator at Tennessee and Eli Manning’s head coach at Ole Miss.
Like everywhere in America, Jones benefitted from being a generic white guy who knows powerful white guys, leading to his surprise selection by the New York Giants with the no. 6 pick in the 2018 draft even though you cannot find that man’s name on 95% of the mock drafts leading up to it.
In reality, Jones was barely recruited out of high school and had to walk onto the Duke team—where he would suck.
In his final regular-season game against Wake Forest, Duke lost 7-59.
Jones completed 47% of his passes for 145 yards with 1 touchdown and 1 interception (pick six).
He went 6th overall after this.
Despite all the evidence indicating Jones’s inability to play quarterback, that man was still given 6 years in New York and TWO contracts.
I do not doubt Daniel’s ability to shake hands and present himself as an upstanding citizen—which works wonders in an NFL run by old white guys who complain about their gardeners speaking Spanish.
But he’s one bad season away from using that firm handshake to close real estate deals in Charlotte surburbs.
Jones has to recognize this is his final shot at proving he is a starting QB in the National Football League.
It’s why he’s the first one in and the last to leave.
Why he’s kissing babies at practice.
Jones is the type of guy who crushes the job interview, looks like the model employee for the first few weeks he’s around and then misses a month with some illness or starts leaving early for random shit.
How Daniel Jones can succeed
After suffering multiple neck and knee injuries, Daniel Jones looked physically incapable of throwing a ball further than 15 yards last year.
Intended air yards per play measures how frequently a QB chucks the rock. Anthony Richardson led the NFL last season with 12.2 in 11 games. Daniel Jones had 7.2 in 10 games, ranked 24th in the NFL behind Bo Nix and Aidan O’Connell. Derek Carr was taking more deep shots.
The Colts won’t get many explosive plays out of Jones but he’s far more accurate—particularly when it comes to short passes—and he’s less likely to turn the ball over than Richardson. (But that’s not saying much, like, he’s still really likely to turn the ball over).
Indianapolis will have a neutered, boring offense but Jones, knowing this is his last opportunity, may become the best screen passer in NFL history.
Jones is going to hit that 5-yard slant. It’s up to the receivers to break tackles and do most of the work but Daniel will be slinging that ball everywhere (1-5 yards behind him and 1-5 yards ahead of him).
I know this Richardson situation has been a Russian nesting doll of shit packed inside more shit but the Colts still won 9 games in 2023 and 8 in 2024. The bar isn’t low. 7 wins or less and everyone is out of here.
In 6 years, Daniel Jones has won more than 7 games just once.
Perhaps Jones learned some new habits working with Kevin O’Connell in Minnesota. Sam Darnold clearly did.
Maybe Daniel Jones playing desperate—like the one season he won 9 games and led the Giants to the playoffs because he wanted a new contract—will unlock a hungrier, more dangerous quarterback.
Personally, I’d hate for Jones to feel like, at 28 years old, he failed.
I truly hope all of this nonsense about being the first one in the gym actually manifests into on-the-field success.
Or maybe this will be a reality check for him and he realizes he would prefer to sell used cars.
Either way, I cannot wait to see Anthony Richardson throw a 99-yard bomb, followed by a pick six and a season-ending broken finger.
Thanks for reading.
Let me know if you think this Daniel Jones Colts experiment will work. Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
