thelesterlee
The Las Vegas Raiders hired one of the worst head coaches of all time and surprisingly, 25 games into it, Josh McDaniels has been fired. Some guys are not meant to be the head coach. Nothing wrong with being a coordinator forever.
The McDaniels era is over. Probably forever. It’s time to look forward to the Raiders future. But the Raiders are a dumpster fire and I don’t hear any sirens on the way. The fire will only grow and get funnier.
Let’s run through some quick funny potential candidates. The honorable mentions, if you will.
Adam Gase: You’re about to read a list of some of the biggest scammers in modern NFL history and I cannot create this type of list without instantly thinking of Adam Gase who is credited as a ‘quarterback whisperer’ for being the offensive coordinator in Denver when Peyton Manning set the single-season passing yards record.
What a beautiful, offensive mastermind who developed Peyton into a Hall of Famer. Even though Peyton was already 37 years old and would’ve easily walked into the HoF if he retired after Indianapolis and never played for Gase.
Last time we saw Gase, his New York Jets finished dead last in offense and his QB, Sam Darnold, was seeing ghosts.
Perfect guy to bring in and destroy Aiden O’Connell’s confidence.
I want another press conference with Gase’s eyes bulging out of his head as if he realized he was vastly underqualified for the job.
Tom Brady: For the last few years, if there was any opening on the Raiders of the Dolphins, Tom Brady’s name came up. Whether it’s the starting quarterback, the owner, the GM or now the coach, Tom Brady’s people find a way to keep his name in these conversations.
According to random headlines I’ve read in the last year, Tom Brady is a part owner of the Raiders, works as a broadcaster for Fox and he’s sharing a girlfriend with Bradley Cooper. Why not add head coach to his duties?
Matt Rhule: This is essentially a list of the best scammers in the game and no one is out scamming people than Matt Rhule who recently went viral for a routine, normal ass pregame speech to his Nebraska team as if he is some incredible leader of men as if he isn’t coming off an 11-27 record as the Carolina Panthers head coach.
Deion Sanders: The 2023 Scammer of the Year award goes to Coach Prime who tricked HBCU’s into believing God sent him to save them only to reveal he was only there to gift his son with playing time and skip past the bullshit years of proving himself as a coordinator first.
Deion’s priorities are clear: making money, being famous and providing his offspring with any and all nepotism opportunities possible. Good for him, I reckon. Wish he didn’t have to level Jackson State first but as I get older, I try not to hold grudges. I hold a bajillion grudges. But I try not to.
With his priorities in mind, it makes all the sense in the world for Sanders to abandon the 4-5 Colorado Buffaloes for a shot at coaching the Las Vegas Raiders assuming he forces them to draft his son who recently said his game is a combination of Tom Brady and Michael Vick. Maybe if his dad gets him another job, he can stop lying in interviews.
But I didn’t get to the comedy yet. Deion Sanders’s ability to motivate teenage men could potentially fall on deaf ears on a guy like Maxx Crosby who is smoking regs in the middle of his TV interviews.
Coach Prime has a 0% chance of succeeding with grown men and he comes off as a guy who doesn’t handle criticism well. There are so many future Deadseriousness articles breaking down the petty fights Sanders gets into when the Raiders look worse under Deion. My man might roll up to ESPN studios to ‘have a talk’ with Stephen A. Smith and I pray security lets him in.
So who is the funniest possible Las Vegas Raiders head coaching candidate?
RUN IT THE FUCK BACK LETS GOOOOOOO.
Raiders owner Mark Davis signed Jon Gruden to a 10-year, $100 million contract and he’d still be leading this team if society just relaxeddddd and let old rich white men be homophobic and misogynistic like the good ol’ days.
There would be nothing funnier than the Raiders bringing back Jon Gruden while he’s in the midst of suing the NFL and Roger Goodell for not allowing him to be a bigot.
The first thing Gruden did when he was hired in 2018 was immediately alienate the best player on the team. Khalil Mack wanted a new contract and Gruden treated him like he was committing treason against Raiders nation. Since he couldn’t public execute him in the town square, he traded him to Chicago.
Mack has 53 sacks since then. Gruden went 22-31 and had to resign because he called Roger Goodell and fag and a football pussy and was mad at him for apparently pressuring the Rams to draft “queers” like Michael Sam, the first openly gay player.
Jon Gruden emails like the old retired electrician who day drinks at the local bar alone and can’t wait to see someone else walk in so he can say “you hear about these boys chopping their balls off to beat girls?” and you have to either hope there’s a backdoor by the bathroom you can walk right out of or pray someone else walks in before you get into an argument with an alcoholic whose daughter won’t text him back.
The Raiders are in perpetual hell. I’d hate for them to suddenly change that and become a real, competent organization. I’m not done making fun of them yet. Bring in Jon Gruden and let’s burn all this shit to the ground.
Is there a Raiders head coach candidate than Jon Gruden? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. Let me know who you think the Raiders should hire.
