4 Teams That Should Trade For Kirk Cousins

The Minnesota Vikings have lost 4 of their first 5 games this season and with their star wide receiver Justin Jefferson on the injured reserve, it would make sense to start preparing for a Kirk Cousins trade—especially considering this is the final year of his contract. Get some assets and set yourself up for a successful 2024 campaign.

So let’s look at the best landing spots for a Kirk Cousins trade starting with some honorable mentions:

Honorable mentions

New England Patriots: New England clearly needs an upgrade at quarterback after head coach Bill Belichick dedicated the last two years of his life to ruining Mac Jones’s but then I remembered how boring it was seeing New England at the top of the standings year in and year out.

Not that Kirk Cousins is some instant Super Bowl ring but yea, he’s better than Bailey fucking Zappe and I’m okay with the Pats sucking for once in my life.

Time for the Patriots to take their medicine. Sit out a few playoffs like the rest of us.

San Francisco 49ers: 49ers head coach Kyle Shanahan has wanted Kirk to be his quarterback since his days of coaching him in Washington. I lowkey think that’s why he’s never really tried getting a franchise cornerstone. He clearly didn’t put much effort into developing Trey Lance. However, Brock Purdy is a baller and does everything Kirk Cousins does but like, less church-y.

New York Giants: As a Giants fan, I can admit that Kirk Cousins is better than Daniel Jones but I can also admit that I do not have it in me to root for Kirk’s lame ass. As far as cool goes, Kirk Cousins makes Daniel Jones look like Marshawn Lynch.

1. Cleveland Browns

The Browns have shown they are more than willing to give up assets and overpay for a quarterback they don’t really need. Cleveland traded three 1st round picks as well as a 3rd and 4th rounder to acquire Deshaun Watson—a man who was fighting for his life against 20+ sexual assault lawsuits.

Oh, and they gave him $230 million guaranteed with a base salary of only $1 million a year because they knew the NFL would fine him a percentage of his salary so they gave him the lowest possible salary to reduce how much he’d owe the league.

Again, allll of that for a pervert.

Kirk Cousins is better than Deshaun Watson. He’s also forced himself on significantly fewer women.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers

This is a tough article for me because I genuinely enjoy bad quarterback play.

There is nothing better than watching a mediocre QB coughing the ball up every time he’s sacked or watching an interception replay and seeing no wide receiver in the frame. Just a direct pass from the quarterback to the chest of a defender.

But Kenny Pickett is weird because he’s bad at his job but not spectacularly bad. The Steelers lead the league in punts. So Pickett doesn’t throw terrible balls to the other team or fumble all over the place. He just, does nothing.

There’s no room in MY NFL for punting.

3. Las Vegas Raiders

To be honest, I had no opinion on the Las Vegas Raiders this year until Monday night when their defense put the Packers in a torture chamber all game.

Maxx Crosby is one of the best D-Linemen in the league. Their linebacker duo of Divine Deablo and Robert Spillane are murderers out there. 9 years into his career and Marcus Peters is still one of the best corners in the NFL.

And it doesn’t matter because Jimmy Garoppolo is a scammer who continues to get NFL contracts despite always knowingly being injured when he signs his name on the dotted line. I respect the hustle but I’m over pretending like he’s some ‘winner’. He’s fine or whatever. Kirk Cousins is better.

*whispers* keep Chandler Jones away from Kirk Cousins though*

4. New York Jets

Okay, this last one has almost nothing to do with football at all. I actually like how Zach Wilson has played and when he’s confident, he’s decent. He passed the Jared Goff test which is whenever a quarterback goes up against Patrick Mahomes in a big nationally televised game and plays as well, if not better than Mahomes.

It’s still up in the air whether or not Zach Wilson only balled his ass off that night because Taylor Swift was in the building.

No, this has everything to do with the 40-year-old edge lord who would 1000% rush to his weekly appearance on the Pat McAfee show to rattle off little sly disses at his replacement QB. Aaron Rodgers and Kirk Cousins battled twice a year in the NFC North for 5 years. You know that asshole has some jokes saved for Kirk.

Aaron Rodgers wanted to burn Green Bay to the ground when they drafted Jordan Love. If he looked at his phone and saw a push notification saying the Jets traded for Kirk Cousins, he’d storm the Jets facility like he was trying to overturn election results.

Thanks for reading.

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