Max Kepler has been suspended for 80 games after the veteran outfielder tested positive for the performance-enhancing drug Epitrenbolone, Major League Baseball announced on Friday. (The Athletic)
20 years ago, this story would’ve eclipsed the NFL Playoffs. 2026, an MLB player gets caught with cattle feed in his blood and you’re more likely to see a reaction video to a reaction video to a reaction video to a video about Transformers being ableist or some contrarian dork “well, actually-ing” the newest American tragedy, your aunts and uncles spending their entire weekends battling in the comment sections, they can’t remember the last time they had a glass of water.
Anyway, free agent outfielder Max Kepler will miss 80 games next season after being caught with Epitrenbolone in his piss.
Epitrenbolone isn’t a performance-enhancing drug; however, its presence in urine tests indicates the use of trenbolone, a veterinary drug for livestock.
What’s next for Max Kepler?
The 32-year old corner outfielder, after a decade in Minnesota, is coming off a forgettable season with the Philadelphia Phillies, sitting at home, waiting for his agent to secure him a bag.
Here’s what Kepler did last season in Philly:
- 127 games
- 417 at-bats
- 90 hits
- .216 batting average
- 18 homers
- 52 RBIs
- .691 OPS
- 88 OPS+
Max Kepler was statistically one of the worst hitters on the team.
Forced into a 1-year $10 million “prove-it” deal, Max Kepler found himself riding the bench more than he expected when he agreed to play for the Phillies.
In June, Kepler told the media he was struggling with his lack of playing time, claiming the front office promised him the starting left field position that he was sharing with Weston Wilson, one of the few hitters on the team worse than him.
In the playoffs, Kepler hit a double in the Phillies 3-5 Game 1 loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers and drew 2 walks in their 8-2 Game 3 win but, yea, I’m not sure which team is looking to make it rain on 32-year-old 7-hitters who barely hit .200 and will be out the first 80 games of his contract?
I understand why Max Kepler took cow steroids.
There is no country for aging bottom of the order bats when, each season, new 20-year-olds throwing 101 mph slurves from Dontrelle Willis arm angles, a new one out of the pen each inning, turn hitting into eyes-closed, knuckles-clenched, teeth-gritting, guessing.
Maybe the Twins will throw him a sympathy 1-year deal later in the season but it looks like Max Kepler’s MLB career is over. He’s about to join the Trevor Bauer spanking line in the Far East.
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