Sunrise provides fresh opportunities. Death evaded once more. Sunday morning. Eyes open to hope. Proletariat pack pews. Nico croons.
Me? Dreams of doing meth with Charlie Sheen and my 7th-grade math teacher. Ms. Farley can’t handle her methamphetamines—believe it or not. Drool wiped to push notifications of Carson Wentz interceptions.
Aaron Rodgers in Dublin doesn’t move me. Under blankets, wrapped in phone charger cords; doubt, fear, anxiety play keep away with my self-esteem.
Earlier in the week, the New York Giants announced the benching of quarterback Russell Wilson. In his place, first round draft pick, Jaxson Dart.
With the Giants starting the 2025 season 0-3, doom loomed.
2022: 9 wins. 2nd round playoff exit.
2023: 6 wins, multiple 4-game losing streaks, calamity.
2024: 3 wins, Daniel Jones exiled to Minneapolis, ego death
3 games into 2025, the Giants were spiraling toward the gates of hell.
Enter Jaxson Dart.
Jaxson Dart arrives
Welcome to the end zone, Jaxson Dart. pic.twitter.com/ZFqI8ljNap
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) September 28, 2025
The New York Giants won their first game of the season, 21-18, over the undefeated Los Angeles Chargers—thanks to the lunacy of their rookie quarterback.
Here’s a glimpse of Dart’s debut:
- 13-for-20 (65%)
- 111 passing yards
- 44.1 QBR
- 10 carries
- 54 rushing yards
- 2 total touchdowns (1 passing, 1 rushing)
These stats don’t raise eyebrows but last season, the Giants offense scored 13 touchdowns in 17 games. Jaxson Dart produced 15% of New York’s entire 2024 offense in just 4 quarters.
Hard to assess. Dart didn’t hit many receivers in the chest; missed passes, often landing at the feet of coaches and waterboysmen, Anthony Volpe sidearm throws into the dugout. However, it was literally his first career NFL start. Nerves strangled me from my couch. Jaxson Dart’s heart beat could’ve powered MetLife Stadium.
Jaxson Dart generates energy. Richter scales pop when Dart breaks the pocket. Gravity shifts. Planets realign. While Russell Wilson follows the instructions, driving below the speed limit, wearing extra seat belts, with his hazards; Jaxson Dart drives 100mph, swerving between lanes, blasting ASAP Ferg; with an open Budweiser in the cup holder (he’ll chug it at the next red light).
Urgency. Heaven can’t wait. Dart’s electricity cannot be tampered, contained, or dampened. We mortals cannot control forces of nature. You can’t wrangle a tornado. Stampedes don’t change directions.
Don’t care what people are saying… I absolutely love the Jaxson Dart stiff arm attempt#NYGiants
pic.twitter.com/bjbNYRHreR— RGF (@rgfray1) September 28, 2025
That energy is contagious. Wild, sure. Reckless, perhaps. Revolutions require sparkplugs.
Jaxson Dart is capable of revitalizing an organization resigned to impotence. The blue chew for big blue. For the first time in a long time, waking up Sunday morning doesn’t worry me.
Giants win.
Hope restored.
Malik Nabers
Malik nabers non contact injury pic.twitter.com/yjK7YRRuh8
— GC (@new_typ3) September 28, 2025
Giants lose.
Hope destroyed.
Joy evaporates quicker than it forms. Pain is our default setting. STP. We are born to die. Selfish of me to complain about the ranch dressing dripped on my hoodie while a goat is carried into the ER. Suddenly, that aching pain in my back relocates to my chest.
Last season, his first in the NFL, Malik Nabers caught 109 passes for 1,204 yards and 7 touchdowns. Left college to change the world. No smash or pass apps needed. 2nd year, knee erupts. No one’s life is a chart, only ascending. The stonks will crash. The statistical anomaly becomes a statistic. Gunned down by the fragility of the human ligament.
The gameshark, gone. Jaxson Dart can no longer bowl with the bumpers. However, Nabers bites hard and barks even louder. Maybe the ball spreads to other receivers more, sharpening Dart’s accuracy and confidence. Comraderie builds with the absence of the squeaky wheel begging for grease.
A blessing in disguise? I don’t know. Malik Nabers is fucking sick with it.
Sunday anxiety looms once more.
Defense wins championships
Dexter Lawrence almost took the INT back for a TD 😅
LACvsNYG on CBS/Paramount+https://t.co/HkKw7uXnxV pic.twitter.com/vKqLQyTTvp
— NFL (@NFL) September 28, 2025
Justin Herbert, a newborn dropped into a leopard enclosure.
Abdul Carter. Brian Burns. Dexter Lawrence. Kayvon Thibodeaux. Chargers offensive line rendered irrelavant. A remote control with no AAAs. Useless. Needn’t have bothered getting on the plane. 2 sacks, 12 QB hits, 48% pressure rate. 6 passes deflected. 2 interceptions. Annihilation.
Elmer Fudd had a better chance of eating rabbit stew for dinner. Mets holding a division lead. Trump being told “no”. All the Argonauts surviving.
When the Giants defense locks in, QBs guts bubble, brains scramble; fear radiates from the screen.
Pray for the New Orleans Saints next week. Spencer Rattler meets his sleep paralysis demon. The levees will break. Again.
Thanks for reading.
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