It’s 9/11 in New York.

24 years ago, Osama ruined a ton of people’s lives and sent Americans into an impossible-to-win war in the Middle East.

Our current president—has taken that baton from Bin Laden and made it his mission to ruin as many lives as possible—one sexual assault at a time.

Donald Trump visits the Yankees

Yankee Stadium reacts to Donald Trump appearing on the scoreboard in the middle of the national anthem. pic.twitter.com/vIA9vowdyl

— Brendan Kuty 🧟‍♂️ (@BrendanKutyNJ) September 11, 2025

Good for Trump.

This is probably the last baseball game he’ll ever see live and in person—since every single time he’s seen in public, if you squint—you can see the Grim Reaper in the background—tapping his watch like a barfly tapping the top of his empty glass to get the bartender’s attention.

No doubt in my mind—Trump was quickly transported into one of those Bacta tanks that keep Darth Vader alive.

It’s been a busy week for Trump.

He attended the US Open Finals in Flushing and now he’s at a Yankees game.

This is the most action Donald Trump has seen since his last trip to his pal Jeff’s house—may he rest in peace.

I’m shocked Trump was able to even attend tonight’s game—considering he barely made it through the 9/11 ceremony earlier in the day.

Can a doctor explain if Donald Trump is suffering from a stroke?
pic.twitter.com/9IGtP1Li0o

— Lucas Sanders 💙🗳️🌊💪🌈🚺🟧 (@LucasSa56947288) September 11, 2025

No way Trump is having a stroke.

He’s so young and vital and healthy and half his face is melting off. Super normal, regular stuff happening in the Oval Office.

We definitely are not witnessing the rapid physical and mental decline of the most powerful man in the world.

The good news is—Aaron Judge made sure his new bestie enjoyed his night at Yankee Stadium.

Aaron Judge is a good ol boy

The New York Yankees—after being outscored 23-3 in their first two games against the Detroit Tigers—finally got the dub in a 9-3 beatdown of their own.

Career home run No. 360 for Aaron Judge goes a very long way 💪 pic.twitter.com/pTtSSHM4KO

— MLB (@MLB) September 11, 2025

No. 361!

Aaron Judge is now tied with Joe DiMaggio for 4th on the Yankees all-time home run list! pic.twitter.com/a3o4nr9ukm

— MLB (@MLB) September 12, 2025

Aaron Judge hit home runs in his first two at-bats—moving up to 4th all-time on the Yankees home run list—and in front of the president—who was watching with his diaper full.

Now, I don’t think Aaron Judge is a bad guy for wanting the president of the United States to like him.

As a Yankees fan—I prefer it that way.

The last thing I want from my superstar player is for him to carry the same stress and anxiety I have from scrolling social media all day.

Good. Do not be informed.

Focus on getting rest and smashing dingers.

The only “current event” I want Judge to be aware of is what the pitcher on the mound is throwing to him—especially with the Yankees barely clinging to a 1.5 game lead for the AL Wildcard playoff spot.

Yes, it’s nasty seeing Judge gleefully shaking the hands of a man who would send most of the Yankees minor league players to Guantanamo Bay if he heard them speaking Spanish.

But there are plenty of other horrible atrocities taking place in the world for me to be upset about.

Like having to watch Anthony Volpe go 0-for-3 in this Detroit series—while former Yankees infielder, Gleyber Torres, goes off.

Happy Gleyber Day

Gleyber Torres got a standing ovation and roll call from the Bleacher Creatures in his return to New York 👏 pic.twitter.com/Zz1mPhjnb2

— MLB (@MLB) September 9, 2025

Gleyber Torres returned to the Bronx. Let’s take a look at how he played in this series:

• 3 hits
• 5 RBIs
• 4 walks
• 2 doubles

Gleyber Torres was once one of my favorite Yankees—but with the Detroit Tigers comfortably winning the AL Central—and beating the dogshit out of this team this week—this is the last time I can praise him. We are going to war with Gleyber soon.

It’s Aaron Judge and Donald Trump’s dementia vs. Everybody.
 

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