Josh Allen vs. Lamar Jackson on Sunday night—for a lot of fans—will be the best football game of the year.
Josh Allen leading the Bills back from a 40-25 deficit in the 4th quarter was worthy of caveman paintings or those paintings on Greek vases.
The ones in the Disney Hercules movies.
The type of game you tell your progeny about.
But I’m a sicko.
I’m here for the real quarterback battles.
Y’all can enjoy two perennial MVP candidates having a masterful sword fight—Olympic-level fencing shit.
Me?
I’m here to watch two overrated first-round QBs play Russian Roulette for 4 quarters until one of the neophytes inevitably eats the bullet.
Caleb Williams ate the bullet
Caleb Williams with the most athletic intentional grounding penalty in NFL history pic.twitter.com/7SEZPsvjOi
— Dead Serious (@Deadseriousness) September 9, 2025
Caleb Williams started this game looking like he finally learned how to play football.
From everything I know about his 2024 rookie campaign—it seemed like the Chicago Bears threw him in the deep end—and when he shouted “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SWIM”, the coaching staff said “oh shit, we don’t know either”.
And he drowned.
Every week.
But Caleb started this game leading the Bears on a 10-play drive ending with a 9-yard scramble into the endzone for 6.
New Bears head, Ben Johnson, was the offensive coordinator for a Detroit Lions team that led the NFL in scoring last season.
The difference between his presence on the sidelines and Matt Eberflus’s was evident at the start of this game.
But as the game went on—and Caleb was no longer running the first drive script the Bears practiced all week—and the decisions and throws were less controlled by Ben Johnson and more up to Caleb—his true colors bled all over the field.
Anyone else notice Caleb Williams looks worse and worse as the game goes on. pic.twitter.com/yKwo1qSlF8
— FIRST ROUND MOCK (@firstroundmock) September 9, 2025
Caleb Williams holds onto the ball too long—often leading to awkwardly being chased down by pass rushers—forcing him into this Mr. Krabs meme-level confusion—as he can’t decide if he wants to take off and run or wait for a receiver to get open.
He’s also laughably inaccurate—frequently sailing balls over his receivers’ heads.
Between DJ Moore, Cole Kmet, Rome Odunze, Colston Loveland, DeAndre Swift and Luther Burden III—you’d think all Caleb has to do is get the ball into the hands of all these playmakers—but Caleb, himself, believes he’s the star playmaker—making every throw harder than it needs to be—as if he’s more focused on the post-game TikTok highlights of his performance—than he is about just making the right play.
Let’s look at Caleb’s final stats from the first game of his 2025 season:
- 21-fro-35 (60%)
- 211 passing yards
- 86.7 passer rating
- 1 passing touchdown
- 1 rushing touchdown
It’s the first game of the season—and I trust in Ben Johnson sitting his young apprentice down on one of those clay spinning things and smoothing out all of Caleb’s sharp, rough, stupid edges.
But we can’t pretend as if Caleb didn’t just go up against a Vikings defense that finished 5th last season in points allowed.
Brian Flores is still Him
After the Vikings scored a touchdown at the beginning of the 4th quarter to bring the score to 12-17—the Vikings defense got bloodthirsty.
Caleb Williams throws a hospital ball to DJ Moore… pic.twitter.com/LeOAb64LbA
— NFL Retweet (@NFLRT) September 9, 2025
Minnesota’s pass rush clotheslined Caleb while their secondary sent DJ Moore to The Lord—all on the same play.
All of a sudden—this Vikings defense started bare-knuckle boxing—and the Bears offense got cauliflower ear.
Sure, the Vikings gave up 119 yards on the ground—but they had Caleb Williams in hell for most of the second half.
2-time All-Star DT, Javon Hargrave—tore his triceps last season and was cut by the San Francisco 49ers.
He signed a 2-year, $30 million contract with Minnesota this offseason—and in his first game with the Vikes—Hargrave earned that $30 mil.
Javon Hargrave with the “Jab & Go”. Off-balances the center by selling his rush one way, then attacking his gap with a quick club swim. Penetrates & gets the sack! #PassRush #SKOL pic.twitter.com/kNJfGiqboW
— DLineVids (@dlinevids1) September 9, 2025
2 sacks and 1 QB hit.
It took about a half of football—but Brian Flores had his unit ripping Caleb to shreds like a pack of wolves tearing apart a plane crash survivor in the woods.
JJ McCarthy and the “intangibles”
If you’ve read any of my previous JJ McCarthy thoughts—dating back to all the pre-draft hype—you know I was not on board with all of the propaganda for a QB who barely threw the ball at Michigan.
I kept hearing about this kid being a “competitor” or “winner”—which is all fine or whatever—but I really wish I saw some actual fucking throws to go with all the talk of his general vibe.
I had to wait a year to be right—but I was finally vindicated when JJ threw a nasty pick six at the start of the second half of his first NFL game.
PICK SIX ALERT 🚨
Nahshon Wright takes JJ McCarthy’s pass to the HOUSE 🔥
pic.twitter.com/3Wc2HLG6Pq— Whistle (@WhistleSports) September 9, 2025
Ugh, you guys do not understand the enormous burden of being so smart and right and handsome and funny—but JJ McCarthy sucked.
And then he didn’t.
JJ McCarthy was the first quarterback in NFL history to score 3 touchdowns in the 4th quarter of his first career game.
- 13-yard pass to Justin Jefferson
- 27-yard pass to Aaron Jones
- 14-yard run by JJ himself
While Caleb Williams started knocking satellites out of space with his erratic passes—JJ McCarthy locked the fuck in and stole a road game.
It’s early.
It’s week 1.
It’s literally his first start.
But, uh, yea—JJ McCarthy highkey has all of those imaginary intangibles all these scouts were talking about.
Jalen Carter spit on Dak Prescott and no one on the Cowboys even shoved him.
We’re one more big win by JJ away from the Minnesota Vikings stomping out a defender looking at McCarthy wrong.
These dudes fight for and with him.
Already.
While watching Caleb feels like a singular entity fighting to prove he’s one of the greatest in the game—despite all the evidence to the contrary—watching JJ feels like a force of nature willing his entire team to the finish line together.
Week 1 is dumb.
Thanks for reading.
Let me know if you think Caleb Williams is a bust. Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee
