I’ve said it before and I’ll say it until my heart starts beating: Dating. Is. Hard.
I imagine it’s even harder for a 73-year-old autistic football savant—obsessed with the military and linebacker blitz packages.
We’ve all attempted to pursue women we believe to be “out of our league”—but it’s not getting the hot girl that’s the hard part.
It’s maintaining her.
The girl out of your league has far more options than you.
So Bill Belichick got the hot pageant runner-up, Jordon Hudson—a girl Bill met on a plane when she was just a teenager.
Coach Belichick has the money, fame and most importantly—he is objectively the greatest football coach of his generation.
He’s a winner.
You stand next to Bill Belichick; you’re standing next to the human embodiment of football excellence.
Although when these two stand next to each other—they look like a grandfather embarrassingly standing next to his granddaughter with the OnlyFans in his Instagram bio who always smells like cigarettes.
Belichick has put all his eggs into this basket carried by the suuuper young baddie—who keeps asking him “what’s your PIN again?”
He lost his NFL job and was never re-hired—because ball clubs believed he was past his prime following a 4-13 season with the Patriots in 2023.
Apparently, he and Jordon Hudson were dating that year.
Can you imagine how stressed Bill was—losing all those games while his young, attractive girlfriend watched—wondering where all that winning she had heard so much about had gone?
Of course he took the North Carolina college job.
It was a way to impress his empress.
Jordon Hudson could help him build the program, ya know—because she’s the same age as the kids on campus.
A cute little project for the couple to work on together.
And an opportunity for coach Belichick to show his baby, infant, zygote girl how great he is at his job.
I reckon he thought he believed winning the ACC was astronomically easier than flying into Indianapolis to face Peyton Manning.
Monday night was Bill Belichick’s big college football debut.
After 29 long years in the NFL and 6 Super Bowl trophies—the greatest ball coach of all time took his talents to North Carolina—to impress his girlfriend—who wasn’t born when he won his first championship.
Very cool and normal behavior.
During the game, you could see Bill’s GF wearing his Super Bowl ring as she hung out in a luxury suite with NFL Hall of Famer Randy Moss.
Jordon Hudson wearing Bill Belichicks SB ring is like when a kid wears their parents jewelry pic.twitter.com/6h74F3Vpj3
— Mike’s Takes (@mikee_takes) September 2, 2025
If I started dating Cate Blanchett—I don’t think I would show up to the premiere of her newest film with one of her Academy Awards in my hands.
It would feel as if I were pretending to have been involved in her success—when it all happened long before I showed up in her life.
But I get it.
Jordon Hudson is here to date the GOAT—and she’s proudly wearing his jewelry.
How romantic.
Unfortunately, North Carolina is dogshit.
#TCU Safety Bud Clark reads the pass perfectly and comes up with a huge pick six.
One of the top safety prospects in the 2026 NFL Draft. pic.twitter.com/361ibB9XCi
— Andy (@AndyyNFL) September 2, 2025
TCU beat the bone marrow out of North Carolina 48-14—in a game that looked like a professional football team bullying the local 8th grade squad.
Here are some of my favorite UNC stats from Monday night’s KO:
- 1-for-10 on 3rd down
- 50 rushing yards
- 3 turnovers
- Bill Belichick allowed the most points in a game of his career as a head coach, moving past a 47-17 loss to the Buffalo Bills in 2021.
- Belichick suffered the second-worst loss of his career, trailing only a 38-3 loss to the Cowboys in 2023.
- Belichick has trailed by 34+ points only four times in 511 games as a head coach.
Truly one of the worst losses in Belichick’s life.
Right in front of the hoes, too.
Damn.
Did this team even practice?
North Carolina played like a team run by an octogenarian more focused on looking up his hot hospice nurse’s dress than on football.
How Long Will Jordon Hudson Hang Around a Loser?
Jordon Hudson has her entire life ahead of her.
Bill Belichick is one flu season away from a lawyer reading his Last Will and Testament to his offspring.
I have no idea what Jordon’s life was like before she met Bill.
But I do know, she didn’t have a faux “CEO” title for a fake company she runs—purchasing real estate property with Belichick’s money and doing his PR.
When CBS in the Morning attempted to interview Bill and ask about their relationship—Jordon interrupted, looking like a bratty niece Belichick was stuck babysitting for the day.
She’s, like, not even good at her fake job.
I can’t wait to find out one day how much money she lost Bill on terrible property investments.
This woman has zero experience or credibility without Bill.
She’s using him as a resume piece for the career she hopes to have later.
But every time North Carolina goes out there—tripping over their own shoelaces and fumbling all over themselves—Jordon’s resume looks worse.
You don’t want to be the fake CEO of a failing company.
Trust me, Lester Lee, Dreadlef Schrempf, CEO of Deadseriousness. I know what I’m talking about here.
If Bill Belichick can’t turn this North Carolina program around—at least looking competitive every Saturday—I fear Jordon Hudson will disappear.
Like I said, the girl out of your league has more options than just you. I bet Jordon has been filling her phone contacts with all the potential replacements Belichick unknowingly introduced her to over the years.
Next week, North Carolina hops on a bus to play Charlotte. If the Tarheels get dragged by Charlotte, don’t be shocked if Jordon Hudson leaves the stadium with some wealthy booster with bad breath and a private jet.
Thanks for reading.
Let me know if you think this Jordon Hudson Bill Belichick relationship just ended. Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
