BREAKING: Deandre Ayton has agreed to sign with the Los Angeles Lakers, sources tell ESPN. Between Portland and L.A., Ayton will earn $34 million next season. Agents Nima Namakian of Innovate Sports and Bill Duffy of WME Sports reached the deal with Lakers president Rob Pelinka. pic.twitter.com/FUeNAkN19K
— Shams Charania (@ShamsCharania) July 2, 2025
DeAndre Ayton—the former Pac-12 Player of the Year and no. 1 overall pick in the 2018 NBA Draft—will be joining the Los Angeles Lakers next season.
Last season, the Lakers traded Anthony Davis—their All-Defense caliber center—to Dallas for Luka Doncic—who I assume was in the middle of chugging a 2-liter bottle of Hawaiian punch when he heard the news.
Lakers fans were hyped.
Dallas fans wanted their GM, Nico Harrison, executed in the town square.
Fans who are too online believed there was a conspiracy hatched by the NBA to send Luka to Los Angeles.
Andddd then the Lakers lost in the first round in 5 games to the Minnesota Timberwolves because the Wolves had Rudy Gobert and the Lakers had Jaxson fucking Hayes.
The 2024-25 Los Angeles Lakers finished 26th in rebounding.
Ayton has averaged a double-double in all 7 seasons of his NBA career.
DeAndre Ayton is better than Jaxson Hayes.
This signing is a win for LA.
Why DeAndre Ayton is a perfect fit with the Lakers
One time, I worked with a girl who absolutely stunk.
She’d walked past you and you caught a whiff of a recently jizzed in corpse, surrounded by a pile of rotten eggs that a skunk sprayed before shitting on it.
That’s a disgusting sentence.
My bad.
But I benefited from her stench.
- If I woke up late without enough time to shower
- I forgot to wear deodorant
- I went to Subway for lunch and came back with honey maple breath
No one would even notice because homegirl smelled like a hot diaper sitting on the sidewalk full of dead birds.
Here’s what Rich Paul, LeBron’s agent and Adele’s foot rest, said about LeBron’s future:
“He wants to make every season he has left count, and the Lakers understand that, are supportive and want what’s best for him. We are very appreciative of the partnership that we’ve had for eight years with Jeanie (Buss) and Rob (Pelinka) and consider the Lakers as a critical part of his career.”
LeBron James, once again, would like everyone to know he is focused on winning championships.
In case we forgot.
DeAndre Ayton can help but he also comes with a reputation of not trying his hardest every night.
In Portland, he missed a game against the Brooklyn Nets because it snowed.
The Blazers even sent employees out to his home to help clear the road and Ayton still couldn’t make it to the arena.
Mind you, everyone else who worked for the Portland Trailblazers came to the game that day, including the staffers who went to Ayton’s snowed-in house.
He’s the perfect player to throw under the bus when the Lakers inevitably fall short. Shit, Ayton might miss a playoff game because of the LA traffic.
DeAndre Ayton is talented—with a sweet midrange jumper and the strength to muscle his way into double-digit rebounds every night—but he’s also prone to stepping on rakes or running into mountain sides that the roadrunner painted to look like the highway.
Luka Doncic is dogshit defensively.
He can’t keep anyone in front of him.
Every time the Lakers play defense, they’re at a 4-on-5 disadvantage as Luka is either glaring at a ref—completely ignoring his defensive assignments—or he lets a guy walk right past him, expecting the rest of his teammates to pick up the slack.
DeAndre Ayton isn’t a rim protector like that.
Even when the Suns made the run to the NBA Finals in 2021, Ayton only finished that season with 18 more blocks than Mikal Bridges.
(Ayton is 6 inches taller than Bridges.)
Guys will be flying full speed at him after they embarrass Luka, leaving Ayton under constant attack in the paint.
#FreeAyton.
When the Lakers disappoint in the playoffs once again, DeAndre Ayton will be on the receiving end of all the criticism.
LeBron and Luka have all the All-NBA trophies, all the All-Star appearances, all the endorsement dollars.
As I write this, Rob Pelinka is twirling his mustache, maniacally laughing as he ties DeAndre Ayton to the train tracks while Lebron and Luka steer that train over Ayton’s body.
DeAndre Ayton is the stinky coworker who allows you to smoke weed at work without anyone smelling it on you, because Ayton will be the last guy back in transition, he’ll miss open layups, and he’ll get dunked on.
Ayton will miss a game with a stummy ache.
DeAndre, I hope you have a strong support system.
Stephen A. Smith and Charles Barkley are about to call you slurs.
Thanks for reading.
Let me know how you think DeAndre Ayton can actually help the Lakers win a chip, leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
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