Jeanie Buss just hit a lick. Mark Walter purchased the Los Angeles Lakers for $10 billion—the largest U.S. professional sports team sale. Ever.
Apparently Jeannie Buss will stay as the team governor but Mark Cuban said he’d still help make decisions with the Dallas Mavericks, only to be shocked when Luka Doncic was traded.
Jeanie Buss gets to keep her parking space and has free tickets, I’m sure. Good for her.
But let’s talk about Mark Walter, the CEO and chairman of diversified holding company TWG Global—a group that also owns the Los Angeles Dodgers and Los Angeles Sparks.
The once family-owned business is now run by a corporation—a corporation that just won the World Series and has proven they know how to put together an All-Star roster.
So, what should Lakers fans expect from Mark Walter?
Indentured Servants
As of right now, the NBA doesn’t allow teams to backload contracts the way MLB does.
It’s how the Dodgers have compiled a roster full of great players, top to bottom.
Most of their top stars have lower average annual salaries because they’re expecting loads of cash dumped on their front yards sometime in the future.
Here are some deferred contracts on the Dodgers:
- Shohei Ohtani
- Blake Snell
- Tanner Scott
- Teoscar Hernández
- Tommy Edman
- Will Smith
The NBA doesn’t have deferred contracts right now but don’t be shocked when the group that just made the biggest purchase in US sports history has the power to change that in the next CBA.
A salary cap makes this almost impossible in the NBA, but again, $10 billion gets you things us normals have no access to.
Slavery is coming to the NBA.
You work for free until your contract is over and then, maybe—if the economy still exists—which is unlikely at this point—you get some cash on the back end.
Cheap international labor
The best hitter on the Dodgers is Japanese.
The best pitcher on the Dodgers is Japanese.
Mark Walter is a billionaire and billionaires love three things:
- lying to investors
- meddling in national elections
- hiring cheap international workforces
The Lakers are about to become a sweatshop.
Luka Doncic is only the beginning. Once LeBron retires, in like, 20 more years, the entire Lakers roster will be from war-torn nations.
Post-game press conferences will have more translators than reporters.
The Showtime Lakers are about to become the Bollywood Boys.
Opposing teams will hear a lot of “thank you, come again” on the handshake lines.
Sex slaves
Here’s the Los Angeles Sparks official Twitter account promoting their Tuesday night game against the Seattle Storm:
Back in front of the home crowd.
🆚 Seattle Storm
⏰ 7 PM PT
📺 @SpectrumSN & @NBATVTickets still available: https://t.co/4bLx4rHjWO pic.twitter.com/K1DZeGNGZO
— Los Angeles Sparks (@LASparks) June 17, 2025
That’s rookie guard, Sarah Ashlee Barker—and her tits.
This is the same team that helped turn Cameron Brink into a model.
They just traded for Kelsey Plum—a player who isn’t a big enough game changer to fill in the role being asked of her on this young team—but guys like her, so here she is.
I can’t help but imagine she’s there so her face can be on billboards and programs next to Rickea Jackson’s.
Sex sells.
The Lakers are about to bring back those little short shorts that helped Magic Johnson catch the cooties.
No more wearing that white t-shirt under the jersey, Luka. Shit, this team might be playing topless by the end of the decade.
Mark Walter is about to get a bunch of cheap, sexy, foreign slave labor.
It’s never good when corporations buy sports teams.
I don’t want anyone to believe something positive or good happened with this sale.
RIP to the Lakers.
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