The Pittsburgh Pirates stink.
They’re only mentioned as background characters in the life of Paul Skenes—the best pitcher in baseball.
Skenes is only 4-6 in his 14 starts, thanks to the bad team around him.
Pittsburgh is 29th in runs—ahead of only the Colorado Rockies—a team that, at this point, I have to believe is only being used as a vehicle to launder money through.
This team hasn’t finished above .500 since 2018, their last playoff appearance.
They haven’t won a playoff series since 2007.
They have the worst record in Major League Baseball since 2019.
The 2025 Pittsburgh Pirates have scored only 14 more runs than them.
But they’re on a 4-game winning streak now, thanks to a massive bases-loaded triple by Bryan Reynolds to blow the game open in Pittsburgh’s 10-3 Monday night against the Miami Marlins.
BRYAN REYNOLDS CLEARS THE BASES WITH A TRIP-TRIP-TRIPLE
4-1, BUCCOS
100.7 MPH exit velocity, .450 xBA pic.twitter.com/jfAolPTyMz
— Platinum Ke’Bryan (@PlatinumKey13) June 10, 2025
[“This Is How We Do It” plays through the speakers.]
Bryan Reynolds has consistently been the best hitter on this team since he was called up in 2019.
He’s hit 20+ homers in 4 straight seasons and led the team in batting last year.
When the season starts, you can pencil Reynolds in for 20 homers and 80 RBIs. The rest of the Pirates? dogshit.
The 30-year rightfielder is having a slow start to 2025, though.
Here’s what Reynold’s season looks like so far:
- .238 batting average
- 8 homers
- 39 RBIs
- 73 strikeouts
- 60 hits
- 93 Rbat+
- 0.2 WAR
But that big triple might reanimate the sleepy bat. Bryan Reynolds is about to go on a tear.
Bryan Reynolds must be stopped
At the beginning of the 2023 season, Bryan Reynolds agreed to an 8-year $107 million contract extension with the Pirates—a contract Pittsburgh was never going to keep on their books that long.
The moment that DocuSign was emailed over, they all knew they would make some other team pay that salary.
Skuttlebutt around the league says the Los Angeles Dodgers are interested in acquiring the 2-time All-Star.
The defending World Series champions—currently in first place in their division with the 3rd best record in baseball—are about to add Bryan Reynolds to their 26-man roster, bursting with talent.
I already know how this works.
Bryan Reynolds will struggle at the plate until he arrives in Los Angeles and walks through their team facility with the best showers and weight room and spa and the coldest water—and the best wifi so Shohei Ohtani can get all his bets in on time—and suddenly return to All-Star form the second the playoffs start.
We cannot let Bryan Reynolds get hot.
Thanks for reading.
Do you think Bryan Reynolds is heading to Los Angeles? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
