You read that correctly. This isn’t an article predicting the NFL Award winners. No, these are 2025 NFL season predictions…in award form.
Last year, I handed out awards every week and my brain is conditioned to exclusively write about the NFL via awards. It is an illness no doctor can fix. It’s something I must live with the rest of my life.
So join me as I give my predictions for the 2025 NFL season.
The Baker Mayfield Career Redemption Award: Justin Fields
In 2022, Geno Smith transformed into an All-Star in Seattle thanks to working with offensive coordinator Klint Kubiak.
In 2023, Baker Mayfield transformed into an All-Star in Tampa Bay thanks to working with offensive coordinator Dave Canales.
In 2024, Sam Darnold transformed into an All-Star in Minnesota thanks to working with head coach Kevin O’Connell.
And in 2025, Justin Fields will transform into an All-Star in New York thanks to working with Tanner Engstrand, a name I am recognizing most of you do not know. YET.
Engstrand was in Detroit with new Jets coach, Aaron Glenn, and was part of an offensive machine that made Jared Goff look like prime Dan Marino.
Last season, Fields only started 6 games in Pittsburgh but completed a career-high 65% of his passes with 5 touchdowns to only 1 interception. Two seasons before that, in Chicago, Fields tied with AJ Brown for 9th in MVP VOTING. Justin Fields almost won the MVP award on a 3-win Bears team. He rushed for 1,143 yards and scored 8 rushing touchdowns. He led the NFL in yards per carry.
If new Jets head coach, Aaron Glenn, gives Justin Fields the keys to just go out there and be an explosive runner then there’s nothing stopping Justin from being the top highlight every week.
I’m not saying the Jets will be a playoff team or anything like that but I have no doubts he and Garrett Wilson will connect for some touchdowns and Fields will make opposing defenders look silly when he breaks the pocket.
The Old People Are Ruining America Award: Jerry Jones
Micah Parsons was a beloved, respected team leader.
And Jerry Jones essentially replaced him with George Pickens—a player who is one helmet-to-helmet hit away from pulling into the practice facility—covered in his family’s blood—with a gun pointed at the parking attendant.
Remember when the Bills cornerback Vontae Davis retired at halftime?
Would it shock you if George Pickens—the Cowboys only big acquisition this offseason—just announced he was done playing like, an hour before the Week 1 opening kickoff?
This year, it’s Dak Prescott, CeeDee Lamb, a weak offensive line, no running game, and a defense full of guys who spend more time on the IR than I spend scrolling through my ex’s IG page.
The Dallas Cowboys aren’t just going to be bad this season, this team will dominate the NFL discourse with annoying locker room stories ESPN funnels down our throat like John Doe killing that fat guy in the movie Seven.
Jerry Jones should’ve retired years ago—but like every elderly person with money in this country—they refuse to go away until they destroy every last pillar in our communities.
RIP to America’s Team.
(and also RIP to America)
The Peyton Manning “Oh my god, I think I just saw his throwing arm hit the turf” Award: Matty Stafford
I’ll never forget it.
One day, suddenly, Peyton Manning just couldn’t throw a football.
It was a season where the Broncos switched Peyton and Brock Osweiler in and out of the starting lineup depending on how much Peyton’s arm looked like it was weighed down by his enormous cranium.
He was like a starting pitcher whose 98mph fastball dropped to 88mph and guys started teeing off on him.
Matthew Stafford has been flirting with back injuries for years.
This entire training camp, the Los Angeles Rams have been hiding Stafford in a basement under the team facility, strapped into a hospital bed, being filled with exotic drugs that RFK Jr snorts before he goes out and bangs literally any woman that isn’t his wife.
Stafford and the Rams almost broke up this offseason—but I think everyone in that building knows this is the last year they can expect the 37-year old to be their QB1.
I think they’re a year too late.
We are about to witness the worst season of Stafford’s career. And the most listens for his wife’s lame ass podcast where she complains about everything.
The I Hope You Have The Good Health Insurance Award: CJ Stroud
The last time we saw CJ Stroud was in a 14-23 loss to the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC Divisional Round. Stroud was sacked 8 times and hit 14. The Texans offensive line melted into a puddle every time CJ snapped the ball.
Since then, the Texans have lost 4 offensive linemen, including voluntarily trading 5-time All Star left tackle, Laremy Tunsil, to the Washington Commanders for no reason.
Houston’s offensive line evaporated in the playoffs so they elected to replace all of them with players who aren’t as good.
Bold.
I hope CJ Stroud isn’t claustrophobic because he is about to spend every Monday morning inside an MRI machine after the Texans break records for most sacks given up. He is about to shatter all of David Carr’s records. Also shatter all of his bones.
The Accidental Handing of the Torch Award: Aaron Rodgers to Will Howard
Ohio State quarterbacks are like girls on dating apps who post old photos of themselves from specific angles to hide what their bodies actually look like.
Buckeye QBs are 5-foot-11 guys who say they’re 6-foot tall.
Not only is Will Howard one of those aforementioned Ohio State QBs—but he’s also entering the season with a broken finger.
There is no reason to believe Will Howard will have a successful NFL career.
If he had Doctor Strange’s time stone and could see every possible future outcome—each and every one would end with him as a backup.
HOWEVER, Aaron Rodgers was 4 years old when the Berlin Wall fell.
I refuse to believe a 41-year-old who spends his offseasons snorting ketamine in the rain forest with “shamans” scamming wealthy dorks out of thousands of dollars—will just play a 17-game season with a busted achilles.
Will Howard will start a playoff game this season.
The Window Sealed Shut Award: Detroit Lions
The Golden State Warriors winning the 2022 NBA Championship removed my belief in a “championship window.”
Any team can win a championship if they win a championship that year.
I know that’s a “duh” ass statement—but I don’t think windows exist.
Especially in a sport like the NFL—where your best player’s knee can explode on any given play.
Perhaps I’m more optimistic about life and humans and what we’re all capable of.
There are no closing windows for success.
Keep doing your thing thing.
Everything will work out.
HAVING SAID THAT—the Detroit Lions window is slammed shut and the whole enterprise will soon become soot.
The Sophomore Slump Award: Drake Maye
Last season, the Patriots finished dead last in passing.
I understand Jacoby Brisset started Week 1 with a messy offensive line and no game changers catching passes.
But I feel like people don’t realize, Jacoby only started 5 games.
Drake Maye started 12 of them thangs.
He was the reason they finished 32nd in passing—not Jacoby.
That offensive line now has two rookies on the left side—including a left tackle with arms so short that I know about it.
Think.
Do you know anything about any offensive lineman’s arm length?
Nope, just rookie Will Campbell.
That seems bad.
The big offensive weapon for Drake Maye is Stefon Digg—a guy who was doing cocaine on a yacht with Cardi B, like, 5 weeks ago.
The head coach, Mike Vrabel, and offensive coordinator, Josh McDaniels, were both fired in 2023 and weren’t in the NFL last season.
Vrabel’s Titans were 27th in offense.
Josh McDaniels was way better in his final year with the Raiders.
See, they were 26th in offense.
Drake Maye is surrounded by losers—and you are who you spend your time with.
The Burn It All To The Ground Award: Jacksonville Jaguars
Hey man, the Jacksonville Jaguars are going to be garbage this season.
Former Jags GM, Trent Baalke—was given 4 years to drive this organization into the ground with awful drafting and coach hirings.
My guy had a 25-43 record as the team’s president—and was almost given a 5th year to fail—before being fired last minute and replaced by these 3 kids standing on each other’s shoulders—wearing a big trench coat and fedora:
Meet, James Michael Gladstone—the 34-year-old “prodigy”—whose first order of business was to hand the Cleveland Browns the no. 5 pick, no. 36 pick, no. 126 pick and NEXT YEAR’S FIRST ROUND PICK—to move up 3 spots and select wide receiver/cornerback hybrid, Travis Hunter.
According to the Jags unofficial depth chart—Travis Hunter will be a starting wide receiver and a backup corner.
Travis Hunter is the 2024 Heisman winner.
He was both one of the best receivers and one of the best cornerbacks.
However, the NFL is different.
One single player cannot play on both sides of the ball. He’s no longer at Colorado playing against future real estate agents and phys. ed teachers. The coaching is better, smarter. An opposing team could see Hunter line up at corner and have his receiver just run a go route to tire him out so he’s a non-factor on offense. Or send a tight end at him to knock him out of his cleats on a run block.
So cool, he’ll most likely play more offensive snaps.
But the Jaguars already have Brian Thomas Jr—their star rookie receiver from last year.
So did the Jags really just trade 4 picks—including a first-round pick they’ll desperately need next season—for a no. 2 receiver and a backup cornerback?
Is that the masterful team building we should expect from Gladstone—boy genius?
It doesn’t matter how many young receivers you have around a quarterback in Trevor Lawrence—who has come into each season looking worse than the year prior.
I geuinely believe Trevor Lawrence sucks—and no one is outwardly saying it because he plays in Jacksonville—but for a “generational” talent, he sure loves incomplete passes.
Oh, and I didn’t even get into their new head coach, Liam Coen—a man given the prestige of a “quarterback whisperer”—despite only having two prior years of experience as an offensive coordinator.
And because he was hired so late (because Trent Baalke was fired so late)—Coen didn’t even get an opportunity to bring over any of his guys from Tampa Bay.
This is a head coach with no head coaching experience—tasked with saving an organization currently being run by a GM with even less experience.
The Jacksonville Jaguars 2025 season will be a nightmare.
They’re only about a month away from tanking for Arch Manning—who, ironically—looks like he’s on the path of becoming the next Trevor Lawrence [derogatory].
The Look At My New Boobs Award: Brittany Mahomes
Brittany Mahomes was all over our screens a few years ago as the loud, rambunctious wife of the best quarterback in the NFL.
Then she took a bit of a backseat as Taylor Swift—one of the biggest stars on Earth—started dating Travis Kelce.
And now Travis and Taylor are engaged—so I imagine Swift will be shown at a lot more games.
I don’t believe she’s on tour or doing anything of any significance.
And I imagine this is Kelce’s final season in the league.
A retirement soon comenth.
Which means all eyes will be in that press box.
And Brittany Mahomes prepared for the occasion as she now has huge boobs—and an almost completely different face from when we first met her.
In Brittany’s mind—the cameras are coming for Taylor Swift—but they’re staying for her new attention-seeking missiles.
The Future UFL MVP Award: Anthony Richardson
From every report I read—it seems like this whole Anthony Richardson experiment was the idea of Colts owner, Jim Irsay.
Well, Jim Irsay is in heaven doing lines off Betty White’s ass.
Indianapolis does not have time to watch Richardson throw screen passes into the bleachers and then limp off the field with a stummy ache.
Anthony Richardson may be an inaccurate, injury-prone, immature, loser—BUT—there will always be a roster spot for a guy capable of shit like this:
ANTHONY RICHARDSON THROWS A 60-YD BOMB 🔥
TOUCHDOWN. WOW.
(via @NFL)pic.twitter.com/HXcn8kfzMM
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) September 8, 2024
I just fear that roster spot won’t be in the NFL.
If you’re losing your starting job to Daniel Jones—one of the worst quarterbacks of the 21st century—then it’s over.
He’s an NFL backup at best.
Sort of like Trey Lance these days.
From what I can gather about Richardson’s personality—that man does not come off someone who wants to be considered a backup.
So I will be tuned in every Saturday this spring to watch AR lead the San Antonio Brahmas to the championship.
The “Here, Damn” MVP Award: Joe Burrow
Last year was the best statistical season of Joe Burrow’s life.
Ya know what, let’s go back and take a look at this young king’s 2024:
- 4,918 yards (led the NFL/career-best)
- 43 touchdowns (led the NFL/career-best)
- 70.6% completion percentage (career-best)
- 108.5 passer rating (career-best)
But the Cincinnati Bengals decided to play 17 games without a defense—finishing 9-8 and missing the playoffs despite Burrow’s heroics.
Patrick Mahomes has an MVP.
Lamar Jackson has an MVP.
Josh Allen has an MVP.
Would it surprise you at all if the voters decided it was Joe Burrow’s time to get his hands on that MVP trophy—especially if he repeats what he did last year?
Unless one of those 3 guys goes undefeated next season—I don’t think anything is stopping the media from going full steam ahead on the Joe Burrow glazing.
Jay Cutler’s Arrest is Exactly Why All These Old Players Have Podcasts
Thanks for reading.
Let me know your 2025 NFL season predictions, leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
