Journalism is dead, capitalism killed it.
Profits have become priority number one over actual, real journalism—forcing many newsrooms to close down.
It’s expensive to send journalists around the country for weeks to hammer out the details of stories while the financial return of that investment is no longer great enough to convince the Venture Capilists who now run these publications to continue doing anything that may lower their profits by a single penny.
Social media has made it impossible for these newspaper to keep up with the instant, second-to-second flow of information—turning journalists from people tasked from uncovering truths in the world that may otherwise never be uncovered to people who cozy up to power for access to information so they can be the first ones to announce the news.
But over the weekend, journalism took home its first victory in YEARS.
“A REMARKABLE RECOVERY BY JOURNALISM!”
JOURNALISM WINS THE 150TH PREAKNESS STAKES! #Preakness150 pic.twitter.com/f2IOVEyUy9
— NBC Sports (@NBCSports) May 17, 2025
After coming up short in the Kentucky Derby, Journalism (the horse) won the 2025 Preakness after a huge late surge in the final stretch of the race.
The bad news is, no one will win the Triple Crown this year as the Preakness and Kentucky Derby had two different winners.
The good news, Journalism, after suffering nonstop L’s, finally gets one small win.
Sure, it’s on a meaningless horse track instead of, say, in the White House, where the president is receiving free airplanes from countries that still use slave labor.
The president continues to amass a fortune while poverty and homelessness skyrocket from coast to coast.
But it’s okay.
A horse won.
We’re so back.
If you enjoyed what you read, head over to our Substack. We’ve got more content making fun of the ridiculous world we live in, sent directly to your email inbox daily.
Follow us over on TikTok, Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
GIPHY App Key not set. Please check settings