thelesterlee
I want to start off by saying it would suck if Katy Perry died, right? People dying is objectively bad. Just need to clear that up off top.
On Monday morning, Katy Perry, along with Gayle King—the interviewer who had R. Kelly fighting for his life—and Lauren Sanchez—the siren who runs Jeff Bezos’s credit card— took one of Bezos’s Blue Origin rockets up for a space flight that lasted about as long as a cigarette break.
Y’all pls look at Gayle 😭 pic.twitter.com/Z1qhXHtZU6
— ໊ (@jasonsproblems) April 14, 2025
Katy Perry and her ragtag crew of weirdos were in space for about 11 minutes before returning to the Earth.
Sick.
Again, people dying is bad. Can’t stress that enough. But liiiiike, wouldn’t the world be a better place if that rocket exploded?
Everyone is currently living under the thumb of an adult baby and the autistic African shaman who whispers bad ideas into his ear in between trips to the bathroom to collect more sperm to mail to brunettes who keep being tricked into believing Musk will help them raise their devil spawn.
Donald Trump has aligned himself with not only Elon Musk but Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos—two other billionaires who were smiling ear-to-ear at Trump’s inauguration as if they had all won the presidency.
For years, the wealth inequality gap has gotten more and more distant as billionaires cozy up to politicians for tax cuts and government funding—but Trump’s second term has been a blatant raiding of this country’s infrastructure to accelerate that wealth gap.
Elon Musk’s DOGE exists to cut unnecessary government spending like social security—that allows Americans to retire knowing they’ll have consistent income in their waning days—or cutting funds for public schools and universities—knowing education is often the best way we common folk have to escape poverty.
All while continuing to receive government subsidies for Tesla and SpaceX.
Government spending is bad—unless of course, the government is giving money to billionaires—who already have more money than they can spend—so they can pretend to care about space exploration.
Jeff Bezos’s Blue Origin company is developing a craft to land on the moon, funded by a $3.4 billion NASA contract.
If Jeff Bezos desperately wanted to get to the moon, tossing and turning in bed each night, driven by his passion for outer space travel—then he would pay out of his own pocket to complete this important mission.
Obviously civilians can’t just send foreign objects into outer space without government approval but I get the feeling Jeff fucking Bezos would’ve been able to obtain the necessary permissions to complete his passion project.
Instead, the government is handing a billionaire billions of dollars while Fox News tells struggling Americans that it’s a good thing that it costs twice as much at the grocery store this week than it did a few months ago.
Millions of Americans will soon lose access to medicine as the government guts Medicare to ‘reduce spending’ while giving Bezos and Musk any dollar amount they need to pretend to advance civilization.
So what does any of this have to do with Katy Perry exploding?
Elon Musk has demonstrated his principles. Everything he says and does is to elevate the value of his companies. His own teenage daughter knows Musk has no intention of ever landing on Mars and he only pretends to care in order to raise the stock prices of SpaceX.
All this snake oil ain’t gonna sell itself.
Like Musk, Bezos’s singular motive is maximizing profits. Jeff Bezos doesn’t give a shit about space. He’s laundering the celebrity and fame of Katy Perry to manufacture positive press around his company—thus increasing the stock price and opening the door to more government funding.
If the Katy Perry rocket exploded, we could rid ourselves of these transparent pony shows. We could stop pretending as if Elon or Jeff are our saviors—working tirelessly to help expand humanity’s reach in this ever-growing galaxy. These benevolent geniuses determined to advance the human race despite the criticisms of losers like myself who are just jealous of their exorbitant wealth—accumulated through theft, exploitation, sleight of hand and being born into a family capable of funding their original businesses.
Think of this: it’s more expensive to build one of the Blue Origin rockets than it costs to purchase a ticket to ride in one.
These little extravagant 11-minute trips to space serve as PR for the dude who looks and acts exactly like Lex Luthor.
Katy Perry could’ve been a martyr. Her catastrophic death would’ve put an immediate halt on these bullshit rollercoaster rides to the top of the atmosphere. The faucet pouring with other people’s money would shut off.
Luigi Mangione murdering that CEO was the first domino. All we needed was one Katy Perry explosion and the working class would’ve been ready to run up on these billionaires who discovered the best way to continue raising stock prices is by promising investors the creation of a new world.
Whether it’s Elon and Bezos with space or Mark Zuckerberg’s “metaverse”—people are starving, priced out of home ownership and strangled by medical bills—while the rich are inventing new ways to get richer.
Katy Perry had one job to do. Explode. Mission failed.
Can’t wait for the new trash ass album. So glad you survived.
If you enjoyed what you read, head over to our Substack. We’ve got more content making fun of the ridiculous world we live in, sent directly to your email inbox daily.
Follow us over on TikTok, Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
GIPHY App Key not set. Please check settings