thelesterlee
From Wilt Chamberlain to Dennis Rodman to James Harden, we’ve heard about NBA players veryyyy much enjoying the night life. And good for them. What is the point of sacrificing your body, spending more than half the year on the road and allowing dorks like Stephen A. Smith to destroy your reputation on TV every morning, if you can’t enjoy the fruit of your labor with some post-game shenangans.
The more I listen to all these new former NBA player podcasts, the more I realize how frequently the boys are hitting the streets.
After next week’s quarter-finals, the last 4 teams remaining in the 2024 NBA Cup will travel to Las Vegas for an opportunity to be handed a check for half a million dollars in the middle of a city designed to take that half a million from your bank account in exchange for flashing lights, flashing women and flashing sirens on the way to the emergency room.
Atlanta comes to Madison Square Garden for the quarter-finals so let’s just pencil in the Knicks for that trip to Vegas. The Knicks just dogwalked the no. 3 seed in the East, leading by 30+ for a majority of the second half. The Hawks are losing.
So when the Knicks inevitably win the NBA Cup, which players on the team will swan dive into a world of sin?
Let’s rank the Knicks based on who’s most likely to blackout in Las Vegas.
(Disclaimer: I have absolutely no interesting opinions on Ariel Hukporti and Jericho Sims. Both of these guys are like 6 weeks away from the G-League. Shout out to them though. Hope they don’t invest their $500 milly in Hawk Tuah coins.)
In Bed Tier
10. Matt Ryan: Matt Ryan is one missed shot away from working at his hometown post office.
He’s going to bed as soon as the game ends.
If he’s late for the plane, they are 1000% leaving without him.
9. Pacome Dadiet: The last French phenom who walked the halls of Vegas got into a beef with Britney Spears.
The streets are safe for French ball players.
8. Miles McBride: Every single time Duece McBride steps onto a basketball court, he is an exponentially better player than he was the previous time.
This is a kid who might live inside a gymnasium.
Maybe he won’t be in bed immediately after the game because he’ll be combing through film or whatever but he certainly won’t be more than 50 feet away from an accessible hoop.
Vets Tier
7. Karl-Anthony Towns: KAT’s wife and dad travel the country with him.
The three of them are having an expensive Vegas dinner, maybe seeing a show before they all go back to the single-bed hotel room they all share.
6. Cam Payne: Cameron Payne strikes me as a guy who has blown half a million in one night before, learned his lesson, and now has a spending cut-off of only $50,000.
He and I are so alike.
Wildcats Tier
5. Jalen Brunson: From my understanding, Jalen Brunson recently had a baby.
He’s either going to use this trip as an opportunity to enjoy the freedoms of being away from a screaming newborn or all the Brunsons are coming and he’ll be breastfeeding after dropping 45 on Milwaukee’s head.
4. Mikal Bridges: I don’t know much about Mikal Bridges, like, almost nothing at all.
He has perfect attendance at work and he’s goofy.
I could see Mikal drinking an entire bottle of Grey Goose and not acting any differently than he was before.
Or I could see him being totally sober and afraid of catching cooties from strippers.
I feel him on that last point.
3. Josh Hart: Josh Hart plays like Thibs sneaks him key bumps on the bench.
No doubt in my mind, my boy Joshua is already getting phone contacts for his trip to Vegas.
The Josh Hart Experience…the heart and soul of the Knicks…
Just watch him this entire video, winning player pic.twitter.com/lhQMxY7SoC
— Alex B. (@KnicksCentral) December 4, 2024
Work hard, play hard.
Wildcard Tier
2. Tyler Kolek: Tyler Kolek just feels like a guy you could peer pressure into doing anything.
I could see the Villanova crew making Kolek take shots until he pukes and gets the team kicked out of the venue.
1. OG Anunoby: Ever since I witnessed OG and Anne Hathaway interact, I’ve been looking at my strange, quiet son differently.
Anne Hathaway after Knicks game: “ I almost got crashed into last night! I always wanted that to happen. Thanks OG!”
OG Anunoby: “you’re welcome” pic.twitter.com/HNoDr4o2TE
— New York Basketball (@NBA_NewYork) November 15, 2024
“I had so much fun”
–– 2x Olympic gold medalist Suni Lee courtside with OG Anunoby pic.twitter.com/xwDS2XRDam
— New York Basketball (@NBA_NewYork) December 4, 2024
Oh and the Olympic gold medalist.
OG Anunoby is OUTSIDE.
He’s built different.
Do not be shocked to see a photo of him surrounded by 50 women all feeding him grapes while he stares off bored into the distance.
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