in Featured, Wrestling

Deadseriousness WWE Bad Blood 2024 Review

WWE Bad Blood 2024 had CM Punk restoring the feeling, Gunther vs. Goldberg for some reason and the return of The Rock

wwe bad blood 2024

WWE Bad Blood 2024, hosted by Metro Boomin’, Bianca Belair, Jade Cargill and Naomi. It’s a vibe, I guess.

At one point, Chelsea Green crashes the VIP lounge where the entire room—including Quavo from Migos—covers their nose in disgust at her putrid stench. I didn’t watch Smackdown. Apparently, she was thrown in a dumpster. That’s a tough check for Chelsea. Stinking around celebrities is a rough character.

Cody Rhodes and Roman Reigns are teaming up for the first time to take on The Bloodline. 13-year-old me would be shadowing boxing in my room during the pre-show, ready to run through a brick wall for Cody and Roman.

So let’s head to Atlanta for the blackest WWE event of the year without any black wrestlers on the card. Let’s talk about WWE Bad Blood 2024:

CM Punk vs. Drew McIntyre (Hell in a Cell match)

CM Punk and Drew McIntyre murdered each other. For me, WWE works best when they subvert their own established tropes, allowing their performers to indulge in their most violent fantasies.

Enter CM Punk, who at his core, is a sicko. A carny. Punk was born to slice his head open for a room full of Rhea Ripley airport stalkers.

But it was Drew McIntyre out-carny-ing Punk that made this match special. That man did not turn down any idea Punk had before they went out there.

Including this unprotected toolbox shot to the cranium:

He bled the hard way and suplexed Punk through a table the long way.

At one point early on, Punk rips the legs off a table and almost accidentally impales Drew with a spike he didn’t notice was attached to the leg. That wouldn’t even be the last death scare on the card.

Naturally, this match had yet another bracelet spot. Ok. At least this one was the least goofy. Shoving a ton of beads in Drew’s mouth is the perfect way to end this bracelet bullshit.

But I can handle corny bracelet work if it’s sandwiched between unnecessary brutality like Drew McIntyre missing a Claymore Kick to land full speed into the ring stairs.

You never want to sit in the Emergency Room waiting for nurses to staple your scalp and your rectum back together.

CM Punk comes out on top of this feud that ran Monday Night Raw all year. I know MJF was beaming seeing his childhood idol steal his post-match oxygen mask move.

I won’t go as far as declaring this one of the best Hell in a Cells ever. This match didn’t have enough Mankind getting chokeslammed through the Earth’s crust. But a classic nonetheless.

WWE Women’s Championship — Nia Jax (c) vs. Bayley

I’m genuinely enjoying this Nia Jaxx title reign. It’s like watching Joe Flacco these last two seasons. Nia seemed indifferent about her craft—frequently injuring opponents with no signs of improvement—and now, she is at the peak of her powers, truly mastering her work.

Her championship run has been defined by her relationship with Money In The Bank winner, Tiffany Stratton. They’re doing this partnership/frenemies thing. I don’t know.

They’ve been struggling to book the Money in the Bank winner ever since they decided that every champ needs to have the title for years.

Austin Theory still hasn’t recovered from whatever he was doing with that briefcase.

Tiffany charged the ring for a cash-in, only to change her mind when Nia Jaxx realized what she was doing, further delaying the inevitable.

Bayley did an incredible job making Nia look like a monster, including a backflip to sell an out-of-nowhere Nia Jaxx hurricanrana attempt.

Unbelievable heat check move. Nia shot that ball from halfcourt with 23 seconds left on the shot clock. I pray I wake up one morning with that level of confidence in myself.

Nia Jaxx pulled out the win after a Tiffany Stratton distraction and we continue rolling the ball down the road because longterm storytelling©️.

Damian Priest vs. Finn Balor

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Finn Balor win a match. I knew that trend would continue when he walked out to the ring looking like an uncircumcised penis.

This looks like a local jobber Miro would beat in 60 seconds on a random episode of Collison.

I totally forgot he was the Tag Team Champion. Love when the tag team champs are in a feud with a singular person. Very good use of the belts.

I’m so happy for Finn. He’s getting paid a bajillion dollars to wear silly masks and have a low-pressure play sesh with his buddy, Damian Priest.

Good for the lads. The match was fine. Carlito got a check too. GGs to everyone involved.

Damian Priest won this Monday Night Raw ass match. Congrats.

Women’s World Championship — Liv Morgan (c) vs. Rhea Ripley

Every match should be a Dominik Mysterio in a shark cage match. The CM Punk/Drew McIntyre Hell in a Cell needed a smaller shark cage with Dom Mysterio trapped inside. Ricky Steamboat vs. Randy Savage should’ve had Dominik Mysterio suspended above them.

I don’t remember much of the in-ring moments from this match.

Maybe that’s because this wasn’t a match as much as a billboard to staple advertisements upon.

The match began with Dom and Liv in a pre-recorded drive surrounded by State Farm Insurance logos. When Dom and Liv pulled onto the stage, their low rider was then advertised as a little toy car you can purchase.

Rhea Ripley came down to the Prime-sponsored ring with Dom-faced toilet paper that commentary told us was also for sale at the WWE Store.

ALOT going on in this match which might explain the awkward ending. Raquel Rodriguez arrived to the roaring sound of total indifference, and attacked Rhea Ripley, leading to Rhea winning by DQ.

But then Raquel picked Liv Morgan up and placed her on Rhea for the pin, like, long after the ring bell went off and the match was over.

I was out on this match when Dom pretended to fall out of the cage so soon after Netflix dropped a documentary reminding us of Owen Hart’s death. Just let Dom sit in the cage. No idea why we needed a near-death experience.

Raquel Rodriguez has returned to join this neverending story while Bianca Belair hangs out in the VIP lounge. Ok.

Cody Rhodes and Roman Reigns vs. Jacob Fatu and Solo Sikoa

I just want to take this opportunity to praise Cody Rhodes. This man truly turned himself into the biggest star of the industry with hair dye, expensive suits and his father’s legacy. Seeing an entire arena full of people scream for him is beautiful, man. It’s like if Bronny James suddenly had an MVP season.

Speaking of nepotism, Solo Sikoa gets another main event while Bianca Belair pours more champagne for Quavo. Ok.

Anyway, Cody comes to the ring with an HBCU band playing his music, immediately reminding me that Atlanta’s diversity is well represented by Civil Rights leader, Cody Rhodes.

If you’ve read my wrestling articles before then you know I have a complicated relationship with tag team matches. 99% of them consist of one guy getting worked over by one team before exploding to the corner for a dramatic tag and a heroic win. This match was no different.

Jacob Fatu’s athleticism cannot be ignored. This tag match wasn’t a big opportunity to show off Fatu’s full offensive arsenal but he showed glimpses of true greatness.

Solo Sikoa was there too.

Cody and Roman took the win thanks to the return of Jimmy Uso. It wouldn’t be a Roman Reigns victory without Jimmy Uso respawning in a hoodie to do shenanigans.

The Rock came out to bless us with a 45-second stare-down at the top of the entrance ramp before the show went off the air. Thank you, James Gunn, for kicking The Rock out of DC and sending him back into our lives. This old man is about to be in an 8-man cage match with these generic Samoans.

 

Random Stray Thoughts

  • In order for Gunther to truly go down as one of the greatest to ever do it, he simply must face Goldberg in Saudi Arabia. It is a right of passage to have a dogshit match with him.
  • Triple H announced a new Crown Jewel championship. The men and women world champions will face each other for a new annual title. Normally, I would mock the meaninglessness of this whole announcement but if it gets Gunther and Cody in a ring together, I’m here for it.

 

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Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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