in Featured, NFL

2024 NFL Week 3 Awards

From Malik Nabers being the greatest receiver of all time to Derek Carr revealing his true colors, let’s give out NFL Week 3 Awards

nfl week 3

I watched most of NFL Week 3 on my phone in the corner of a catering hall as two people I have never met were wed in the background of the Broncos jumping the Buccaneers. Not my best Sunday evening but I had to give out these awards so their nuptials had to take a backseat.

Here are the 2024 NFL Week 3 awards:

The Disaster Class Award: Miami Dolphins

nfl week 3

There are teams in this league that are mocked year after year—no matter if they are deserving or not—while the Miami Dolphins have skated away with some real bullshit.

They lost a 2023 first-round pick for tampering with Tom Brady—a middle-aged man in the middle of a divorce. It’s never mentioned when the Dolphins are discussed.

The Dolphins have a frail, concussion-prone quarterback with no offensive line and a terrible, equally injury-prone backup QB—nightmare team building.

Miami lost 3-24 to the Seattle Seahawks after losing Tua on Thursday night last week. Tim fucking Boyle played.

Mike McDaniel’s gameplan was to play football for 2 hours. That’s all. Go play.

It didn’t work. The Dolphins were not a professional sports organization on Sunday.

The Red Zone MVP Award: Malik Nabers

2024 nfl draft

I wanted to ruin Joe Schoen’s life when he drafted Malik Nabers.

Nothing too severe.

Just like, slowly letting the air out of his tires or leaving a window open overnight so his house is chilly in the morning. Or getting the bathroom sink in his office wet so he accidentally leans against it and looks like he peed himself.

But turns out, Malik Nabers is the best wide receiver on the planet.

Malik Nabers leads the league with 6 receptions of 20+ yards.

He is the first player in NFL history with at least 20 receptions and 3 touchdowns.

He leads the league in receiving touchdowns.

Every Sunday, NFL Redzone will cut to Malik Nabers performing an unbelievable feat of athleticism as he overcomes Kay Adams’s weird crush.

The They Are Who We Thought They Were Award: Derek Carr

derek carr

Coming into the season, I went off on my hate for Derek Carr and his overall existence in this league.

Then the Saints scored 40+ points in back to back weeks and looked like the ’07 Patriots.

But the man who specializes in throwing the ball out of bounds on 3rd down returned from his 2-week vacation to start the year.

That’s my baby boy.

Carr completed only 14 of his 25 pass attempts for 142 yards, 1 touchdown and 1 interception. Outside of one great throw to Chris Olave, Carr was a non-factor.

Derek Carr was looking like an MVP candidate.

Here’s what Eagles safety, CJ Gardner-Johnson said about Carr after the game:

I tried to told y’all.

Chess Not Checkers Award: Carolina Panthers

david tepper

Bryce Young was benched for Andy Dalton after a Week 2 game where he had to leap in the air like Luigi every time he attempted a pass.

But the bigger story was the report that Carolina rejected FOUR trade offers for Bryce Young.

Bryce looks like the star of the 8th-grade team was dropped into the middle of an NFL game with grown-ass men who have driver’s licenses, and cell phone plans and their own children in 8th grade.

Refusing to trade Bryce is silly but it looks sillier after what Andy Dalton did on Sunday in Carolina’s 36-22 victory over the Raiders.

Andy Dalton completed 26 of his 37 pass attempts for 319 yards and 3 touchdowns with a 123.6 passer rating.

Dalton is the only player this season to throw for 300 yards with 3 touchdowns.

This season is weird.

And that’s where the chess not checkers kicks in.

Andy Dalton is one of the best QBs in the NFL this year. If the Panthers traded Bryce Young before this game, we may not have seen this level of play from Dalton. The pressure of having the no. 1 overall pick waiting behind him may help push Dalton to throw for 300 yards and 3 touchdowns.

Keep Bryce dressed every week so Dalton continues playing like a prime Peyton Manning.

Chess not checkers.

(*whispers* I’d rather have some random 2030 7th-round pick than Bryce Young but go off, Carolina.)

The Carson Wentz Award For Cartoonish Hijinks: Will Levis

nfl week 3

Will Levis is walking away with the Carson Wentz Award For Cartoonish Hijinks 3 weeks in a row.

In the Titans 14-30 loss to the Green Bay Packers, Will Levis threw 2 interceptions and lost a fumble.

Tough pick-six. Will Levis got outplayed by his former backup, Malik Willis.

But it wasn’t the turnovers that put this award in Levis’s hands. The Carson Wentz Award is defined by irrational confidence and drastically overestimating your capabilities.

On 4th and 2 with the Titans down 7-20 at the beginning of the second half, Will Levis made the most Carson Wentz-ass decision I’ve seen all season:

Will Levis was never going to get that first down. I pray the Titans never bench this artist.

The “Get OUT OF HERE” Award: Deshaun Watson

nfl week 3

The New York Giants are philanthropists. God-fearing men. Those players and coaches spend their Sundays giving away wins to opposing teams.

Last week, the Giants became the first team in NFL history to score 3 touchdowns, allow 0 touchdowns and still lose.

That team beat the baby oil out of Puff Watson.

Now that Bryce Young is on the scout team, Deshaun Watson is objectively the worst quarterback in the NFL.

Without his dynamic athletism from the Houston days and without jizzing on women who did not want him to jizz on them, Deshaun cannot play in this league.

Biggest Winner: Whoever gets to coach Caleb Williams next season

nfl week 3

Matt Eberflus is out of here.

Going into the season, I was told Caleb Williams was walking into the best situation for any rookie quarterback ever. I thought he was just walking onto 2019 Kansas City Chiefs because he had wide receivers or whatever but it looks like putting Caleb behind one of the worst offensive lines in the league didn’t work.

Offensive coordinator, Shane Waldron, has coached a Top 10 offense once in his life (the 2022 Seahawks were 9th). Kerry Joseph, the quarterback coach, has never been an NFL quarterback coach before but he’s worked with Sean McVay so he gets the job.

I recognize top offensive minds are, ya know, typically employed so they’re not readily available to be hired but what did Shane Waldron and Kerry Joseph say in their interviews to make Ryan Poles believe they can help mold Caleb?

Because the Bears just lost to a Colts team led by Anthony Richardson, who will toss a perfectly thrown dime 90 yards down field directly into a receiver’s waiting arms and immediately follow that up with a bullet pass into a linebacker’s helmet.

Caleb Williams could be one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. But not until some adults get in the room to figure shit out over there.

Biggest Loser: Russell Wilson

The Pittsburgh Steelers are 3-0 and Russell Wilson hasn’t thrown a single pass. Justin Fields has completed 73% of his passes and after looking unplayable in Chicago, Fields has transformed into a Top 10 QB.

It’s over for Russ. Pittsburgh has until the first week of November to move Russ. Can’t imagine teams are flooding Omar Khan’s voicemails. Miami would rather play TIM BOYLE over giving up anything for the sociopath doing Billy Blanks Tae Bo on the team plane while everyone’s trying to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Let me know what awards to give out next week.  Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. 

 

Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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