thelesterlee
As we quickly approach the offseason, the Los Angeles Lakers head coach position remains vacant. Let’s fix that today.
We have to factor in the specific variables that go along with coaching the 2024-25 Los Angeles Lakers:
- LeBron James’s vacation home is soon-to-be occupied. The teacher in their 25th year, coasting, playing movies, running through sick days as they march towards their well-deserved pension. This is the finish line of LeBron James’s career. This is the most ‘win-now’ team in NBA history.
- Anthony Davis is on the other side of 30 and he may have just had the best regular season of his career. Didn’t matter. They still finished 8th in the West. AD diminishing returns from here on out.
- Rob Pelinka is one of the worst GMs in the NBA so the coach has to figure out what to do with Taureen Prince and Rui Hachimuri because Pelinka won a championship and immediately traded half the team for literally one of the worst and most expensive players in the NBA.
Okay, let’s do it. Here are 5 candidates for the Los Angeles Lakers head coach job:
1. JJ Redick
JJ Redick rumors carry Los Angeles sports radio discussions.
His candidacy even reminded all of us how unethical Woj is as we watched him plant a fake story about the Lakers desire to hire Dan Hurley so he could get his buddy a bigger contract from UConn. Woj is allowed to continue working at ESPN, by the way.
Redick reminds me a lot of Steve Kerr in that they’re both white, former 3-point specialists turned NBA broadcasters and like Kerr, Redick is also about to skip the line and get a job he doesn’t deserve.
JJ and LeBron do a podcast together. LeBron is always looking for the next big venture. Podcasting with his head coach as they travel across the country getting their ass beat every night then breaking out the mics at the Four Seasons following a D’Angelo Russell 2-for-13 stinker.
I will not be listening but good luck to y’all.
2. Ryen Russillo
If the new prerequisite for NBA coaching employment is podcasting, it’s Russillo time. No one grinds more tape, takes more thorough notes, attends the draft combine for absolutely no reason like Ryen does.
At first, I was going to name his podcast partner, Bill Simmons, but he’d have to get into a massive, life-altering high-speed car crash, removing all of his long-term memory—including his obsession with the Boston Celtics—in order to even consider taking the Lakers job. And that car crash would probably make it hard for him, ya know, with the broken bones and all.
But Russillo need not crash. That man would love nothing more than to work for an NBA organization so let’s fast-track him to next Lakers head coach. Wait, what?
3. LeBron James
Bring back player/coaches. How cool would it be if LeBron was playing AND coaching the Lakers?? Especially in his final season. He’s not getting his storybook ending of a championship.
As we fade gently into the night, we sacrifice control of the reigns to our higher power, the divine decides our fate.
LeBron can defeat time. He can maintain control over his last days.
Plus, it would be cool as shit. Something new and unpredictable.
Look at the current NBA Finals. The Boston Celtics rigged the game. They’re playing ChatGPT ball. Entire possessions predetermined by front-office calculations. They’re an abacus masquerading as an NBA team. The league needs something cool and exciting but I’ll get to that later.
Hire LeBron to coach LeBron, cowards.
4. Bronny James
I just scrolled past a headline comparing Bronny James to Austin Rivers. This is the type of player the Lakers have to waste a draft pick on. UNLESS—well, unless they keep their nepotism to the front office or the sidelines like everyone else in sports does.
Bronny James would follow a long line of unqualified children given the keys to expensive cars they never learned to drive.
Hiring Bronny would save the Lakers a draft pick, something they can use for a player for better at basketball than him and LeBron can solidify an NBA career for his significantly less talented son.
Work pants still come slack, brother. Time to purchase some suits and hold the clipboard. You want to be in the NBA? Design some plays and make sure you can for a referee challenge whenever your father asks, which will be early in the first quarter of most games.
5. Caitlin Clark
Look, we need to think about growing the game. Caitlin Clark’s Iowa games broke viewership records. If the Lakers and the NBA want to get the product in front of the most eyes possible, they 1000% need to hire Caitlin Clark.
Sure, she’s not qualified and like, already has a job but it’s all about marketing. Listen to Stephen A. Smith, he’ll agree with me.
Nothing is more important than ratings and viewership and yelling on First Take about imaginary bullshit. If Caitlin Clark is such a lightning rod, why not bring it to an organization that may be penny pinching soon as Jeannie Buss took over the Lakers and overdrafted her trustfund.
WE HAVE TO GROW THE GAME.
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Who should be the next Los Angeles Lakers head coach? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. Let me know who I missed.
