I wanted to start my 2025 NFL season previews with positivity.
Nazis and perverts have swarmed every government body in the last few years and I don’t want to add to the nonstop annoying, depressing shitposts flooding everyone’s timelines 24/7.
However, I still have to get a littleeeee hate out of my heart, as a treat.
I’m sure I’ll write about the 8 NFL players on new teams who are going to succeed this season but not yet. Not when I’m sitting here reading Russell Wilson fanfiction about how great he’ll be on the Giants.
Let me just squeeze a little bit of rage out and we’re back on regular scheduled programming.
Here are the 9 NFL players on new teams who are going to fail this season:
1. Russell Wilson
New York Giants owner John Mara gave GM Joe Schoen and head coach Brian Daboll a directive: win games or you don’t work here anymore.
So it would behoove Brian Daboll to put Russell Wilson in the best possible situation to succeed.
Unfortunately for their incomes, 2025 Russell Wilson is more of a social media influencer than starting NFL quarterback. If the Giants want a discount on Subway sandwiches, Russ is their guy. If they want to win games, eh.
HOWEVER, if Jameis Winston, a veteran who has already established himself as incapable of making consecutive good decisions, was Russ’s backup, then Daboll would be up all night trying to figure out how to maximize the corpse of Ciara’s husband.
If Russell Wilson having a pro bowl caliber season was the only way Brian Daboll could save his job, that bald bearded boss baby looking motherfucker would be nocturnal, trying to design an offense around the soon-to-be 37-year-old cardboard cut-out of a former Super Bowl champ.
But Jaxson Dart is his backup—a rookie QB Schoen and Brian Daboll traded up in the first round to pick—and a guy they believe can be the future of the franchise.
If Russell Wilson struggles at all, he’s fucking out of here.
The Giants have zero incentive to allow Russ to sort of “figure it out” as the season goes on.
If he sucks, it’s Jaxson Dart time and the entire fanbase will be in favor of the benching.
Pressure sits on Russell Wilson’s shoulders this season and he’s years removed from having the physical ability to carry that load.
2. Joey Bosa
Joey Bosa hasn’t played a full NFL season in 4 years.
And although he snuck onto a Pro Bowl roster last season, Bosa only started 9 games with the Chargers.
He suffered a hip injury to his sciatic nerve—affecting the feeling in his lower back and legs.
My guy has nerve damage and as much as I want him to succeed with the Buffalo Bills—a team that’s been desperate for a game-changing pass rusher to heroically step up and win them playoff games against the Chiefs—this motherfucker Joey Bosa is injured ALREADY.
#Bills coach Sean McDermott tells reporters that newly signed edge Joey Bosa pulled his calf and will more than likely be sidelined until training camp. RB James Cook, seeking a new deal, is not present.
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) May 27, 2025
The bar right now is Von Miller—who Buffalo acquired before the 2022 season.
Miller managed to rack up a grand total of 41 tackles in 3 seasons with the Bills.
Unfortunately, I don’t think Joey Bosa can do much better than that.
He’s had 51 tackles in his last 2 seasons combined and now he has a fucked up nerve in his hip and a bad calf.
Actually, I want to change my expectations for Bosa entirely.
If Joey can walk from his hotel room to the team bus without wincing, then his 2025 season was a success.
3. Daniel Jones
Daniel Jones isn’t good enough to be a starting quarterback in the NFL.
It is not a coincidence that the New York Giants were consistently starved of touchdowns when he was their QB1.
Honestly, his only value is to the special teams players who lead the team in tackles because they’re constantly punting after a long day of Daniel Jones getting sacked on 3rd and long and jogging back to the sidelines with turf wedged in his facemask.
The Colts brought in one of the worst starting QBs in the NFL to compete with one of the worst starting QBs in the NFL.
Here are some interesting little Anthony Richard fun facts:
- He’s played in only 15 out of a possible 32 games in his career
- 50.6% career completion percentage
- 6.9 yards per attempt over his career
- 11 touchdowns
- 13 interceptions
- Ranks 36th out of 44 QBs in EPA last two season
- 41st in success rate
- 43rd in interception rate
- 44th catchable throw rate
Anthony Richardson fucking sucks.
Daniel Jones will be playing games for the Colts.
Yes, this Daniel Jones:
🏆The Carson Wentz Award For Cartoonish Hijinks: Daniel Jones🏆
Brian Daboll coached a perfect game. Only one person could stop him Monday night: Daniel Jones. A fumble and an interception in back-to-back 4th quarter drives to end the game. Carson Wentz is smiling from heaven. pic.twitter.com/qHWCLJ8ljj
— Dead Serious (@Deadseriousness) October 29, 2024
The Colts will have the No. 1 pick in the 2026 NFL Draft. Guaranteed.
4. DK Metcalf
I planned to put Aaron Rodgers on this list but I think he’ll be fine. I can’t imagine Steelers fans are coming into this season believing they’ll be seeing MVP-caliber Aaron Rodgers.
But from everything I know about Aaron Rodgers—this man only throws the ball to wide receivers he has personal relationships with.
Jets star wide receiver Garrett Wilson threatened to leave town if the Jets brought back Rodgers this season.
It only takes one miscue in training camp for Aaron Rodgers to decide he cannot trust DK Metcalf.
Rodgers is going to see Metcalf sticking an HGH needle in his butt in the locker room and think DK is vaxxing up. I cannot wait for the inevitable Zoom call into Pat McAfee’s show when Aaron says some players think they’re above the team and then mouthing the name “DK Metcalf” while AJ Hawk quietly blinks in the frame next to him.
(We all know DK’s on the juice, right?)
5. Darren Waller
Hey man, what the fuck are you doing?
After the 2023 season with the New York Giants, tight end Darren Waller retired from the NFL and started making the most lightskin music you’ve ever heard.
A lot of the music was about his divorce from WNBA All-Star, Kelsey Plum.
The 32-year-old is now out of retirement, playing for the Miami Dolphins, a team that is one Tua Tagovailoa seizure away from blowing up the entire organization and starting over.
Right now, he’s expected to be the TE1 on Week 1. They decided to send Jonnu Smith to Pittsburgh along with Jalen Ramsey for Minkah Fitzpatrick.
Let’s compare their last NFL seasons.
Darren Waller in 2023:
- 52 catches
- 552 yards
- 1 touchdown
- 25 first downs
Jonnu Smith in 2024:
- 88 catches
- 884 yards
- 8 touchdowns
- 55 first downs
The Dolphins gave away one of the best tight ends in football and replaced him with a struggling R&B artist.
I do not see a reality in which Darren Waller has any chance of being good this season.
I genuinely believe he just needs some NFL paychecks to pay for more wasted studio time so he can whine about these hoes or whatever directive, lazy, boring tracks Darren can’t wait to create.
6. Stefon Diggs
I keep going back and forth on whether or not I believe Stefon Diggs will have a good season but ultimately, the part of me that wants to see Stefon Diggs succeed is attempting to stiff-arm away the obvious red flags from this offseason.
No, I do not think Diggs is the only NFL player drinking and drugging on yachts surrounded by women who don’t have names but go by their OnlyFans usernames.
However, he is the only one smiling ear-to-ear on camera, handing out cocaine to his girlfriend’s girlfriends, looking like Michael Jackson at the end of the Thriller video smiling at the lens.
Actually, the more I write about Stefon Diggs, the more I’m convinced he won’t even make it through the full season without being cut by new Patriots head coach, Mike Vrabel, who, from what I can gather, is not doing coke with sex workers.
7. Tyler Shough
This article wasn’t intended to be about rookie draft picks but I was looking over the New Orleans Saints offseason and with Derek Carr retired (for now), Tyler Shough is about to be an NFL starting quarterback Week 1 on a team this devoid of talent?
This is about to be a future documentary.
Like, Shough might be able to win a lawsuit against this organization one day. Starting Tyler has to be some sort of OSHEA violation.
Here’s how Tyler looks in the preseason thus far:
The Tyler Shough experience is an excellent watch so far.
Starts off with a very graceful sack for loss, and follows it up with an intentional grounding in front of his own endzone. 😂#NFL #JAXVsNO pic.twitter.com/oBFPdxJBAL
— Blego (@BlegoBro) August 17, 2025
Pablo Torre is winning a Pulitzer once he deep dives into the dysfunction that allowed Tyler Shough to become a starting NFL QB when, in reality, he should probably be a Stop N Shop cashier right now.
8. DeAndre Hopkins
It feels like DeAndre Hopkins has been in my life since childhood, yet he’s only 33 years old.
Last season, the Titans traded Hopkins to Kansas City.
I have to write that because if you watched the Chiefs, you wouldn’t have noticed Hopkins was even there.
Rashee Rice tore his knee and Hopkins was physically in his role but didn’t do anything of note.
For a guy who was a star receiver his first 7 years in Houston, DeAndre’s post-Texans life has been that of an expensive bag a woman wears to one dinner and puts in her closet, only to be seen in Instagram photos and shown off when guests are over.
If DeAndre Hopkins was hoping for a career resurgency, I’m not sure joining a Ravens team dedicated to the Lamar Jackson/Derrick Henry running game was the ideal location for him.
But I cannot wait for the inevitable drop in the 4th quarter of a playoff game that costs Baltimore another postseason game and allows the least interesting NFL analysts to continue calling Lamar a bum because his receivers and tight ends go into panic mode at the ends of every meaningful game.
Thanks for reading.
Let me know which nfl players you believe will suck this season, leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
