thelesterlee
When Zion Williamson is healthy and focused and on the court without Wendys BBQ sauce packets falling out of his pockets, he is an unstoppable force.
Zion is a once in a generation athlete whose career has been grounded by his DoorDash history, and insatiable lust for mentally unwell porn stars and knee ligaments you can hear shouting through your television every time his big ass takes off for a dunk.
Earlier this week, Zion scored 31 points in 27 minutes against the Toronto Raptors. He went to the free-throw line 8 times, grabbed 7 rebounds and blocked 3 shots.
The Pelicans lost.
New Orleans has 12 wins this season. They have the 3rd worst record in the NBA.
I know Jimmy Butler and De’Aaron Fox are flooding all of these trade rumor headlines but Zion Williamson is absolutely available too—and although most teams can’t afford to take on the risk of acquiring a guy who has more points in the McDonalds App than he has all season with the Pels—the man is only 24 years old and perhaps a new environment could expose him to a seriousness and professionalism required to be great in this league.
Also want to be clear this isn’t me pretending to be a good GM who wants the best out of these teams.
I want the most entertaining outcomes possible.
Let’s make the NBA more interesting.
So here are 6 teams that should take the risk and trade for Zion Williamson.
1. Miami Heat
Miami Heat receive Zion Williamson
New Orleans Pelicans receive Terry Rozier, Haywood Highsmith and Alec Burks
I used to hate Heat Culture©️.
It seemed like a pretentious way to make ‘hard work‘ feel like some mystic, unquantifiable force.
It’s cute branding, decorating a Pat Riley-centric cult where we all pretend this old Irish man is an Italian gangster who will cut your brakes if you don’t show up to training camp with the correct body fat measurements.
But after a couple Finals runs with Jimmy Butler, Bam Adebayo and the most in-shape G-leaguers in America and then getting iced out of the Dame Lillard trade and now Jimmy goofing around throwing away the 2025 season—I’m okay with the Heat getting a dub.
The Miami Heat and Zion Williamson need each other.
The Heat need a superstar to get the ball out of Tyler Herro’s hands and Zion needs a professional work environment where you can’t show up to shootaround with powdered sugar all over your lips.
2. Toronto Raptors
Toronto Raptors receive Zion Williamson
New Orleans Pelicans receive Bruce Brown, Kelly Olynyk and Ja’Kobe Walter
I saw a rumored trade proposal that would send Bruce Brown to the Miami Heat, Andrew Wiggins to the Toronto Raptors and Jimmy Butler to the Golden State Warriors and was hyper-focused on the Raptors side of this.
What if instead of Andrew Wiggins, Toronto got the thiccc version: Zion Williamson?
Between RJ Barrett, Scottie Barnes, Gradey Dick and Immanuel Quickley—the Raptors have some decent young guys.
They’re just all miscast for their roles.
If all of these guys could be moved down one slot and replaced by a true, game-changing talent like Zion Williamson, I think the Raptors would be cooking.
I reckon, now that I’m typing it out, this roster is kind of similar to what Zion already has in New Orleans but the bottom of the Eastern Conference is wide open.
You can be a .500 team in the East and make the Finals. If you’re a .500 team in the West, you might end up with Cooper Flagg.
3. Denver Nuggets
Denver Nuggets receive Zion Williamson
New Orleans Pelicans receive Michael Porter Jr and a first-round draft pick
What if Aaron Gordon was 5 years younger and filled head-to-toe with Krispy Kreme donuts?
I’d love to see Nikola Jokic—one of the greatest basketball players ever—have a teammate capable of making an All-Star team.
Jamal Murray is cooking of late, scoring 33 points in the Nuggets loss to the New York Knicks Wednesday night but last week, Murray scored 9 points in 33 minutes against the Sixers.
There’s a reason he’s never made an All-Star game…
So let’s just swap Zion and MPJ—two players who came out of high school looking like god’s gift to the game of basketball only to be oft-injured disappointments, dragging around bodies that robbed them of their potential.
4. Cleveland Cavaliers
Cleveland Cavaliers receive Zion Williamson
New Orleans Pelicans receive Darius Garland
Congrats to the 2024-25 Cleveland Cavaliers dominating the NBA season—running teams out of the gym on a nightly basis.
The Cavs have the best offensive rating and their 2nd in net rating.
And man, I do not give a shiiiiiiiiit.
And that’s not to say I don’t appreciate what they’re doing.
I never believed a team led by Donovan Mitchell was capable of this type of success but they really all follow that man’s lead. Good for him. Seriously. I do look at Mitchell differently after this season. He has stepped his game up to that top tier level (most nights).
But yea, who cares?
Throwing a 285-pound atom bomb in the middle of Cleveland would give Ohio national headlines for the first time since that train derailed and the EPA pretended there wasn’t a chemical leak even though they knew there were leaked chemicals.
Anyway, Zion 360 tomahawk fastbreak dunks suddenly make me care about Evan Mobley quietly becoming a Top 10 big man in the NBA.
I was going to make this a deal where Cleveland keeps Garland and Zion replaces Isaac Okoro in the starting 5 but I actually think Darius Garland should play elsewhere.
He’s far more talented than being stuck in the CJ McCollum role so let’s see what he can do in New Orleans bringing his experience of playing high-leverage basketball for the last 3 seasons.
5. Oklahoma City Thunder
Oklahoma City Thunder receive Zion Williamson
New Orleans Pelicans receive Isaiah Hartenstein and Cason Wallace
SPEAKING OF BORING AHHH TEAMS, the OKC desperately needs swag.
I know young OKC fans who grew up rebuilding that team on NBA 2K franchise mode love to celebrate Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and his “aura” but it’s super not fun watching a guy take 10+ free throw attempts, slowing the game to a crawl every time he gets the ball.
And that’s not to take away from their greatness. Good for OKC. I love the movie The American starring George Clooney. He’s like a former spy sent back in to do one last job and it’s this quiet Italian film that is amazing but 9 times out of 10, I nap through the second act. OKC makes me sleepy.
OKC will live at the top of the standings for the foreseeable future boring us to death every night. I want/need a lightning rod like Zion placed at the center of this team.
6. Detroit Pistons
Detroit Pistons receive Zion Williamson
New Orleans Pelicans receive Tim Hardaway Jr, Isaiah Stewart and Jaden Ivey
I’ve been looking around the league, trying to figure out who’s Cade Cunningham’s running mate. At 23 years old, most of his peers are also ball-dominant wings like Anthony Edwards or Ja Morant. Who could he have an unstoppable Jokic-Murray-esque 2-man game with?
ZION MF WILLIAMSON POSTER.
— Hoop Central (@TheHoopCentral) January 18, 2025
Give Cade Cunningham this maniac to run the fastbreak with instead of Tobias fucking Harris. The Detroit Pistons are showing up every night ready for a two and a half hour brawl with the opposing team and adding a TANK like Zion, who can disable a team’s moment with one massive windmill dunk, causing the other coach to call a time-out and either blow the roof off in Detroit and turns an away crowd mute.
Plus, Detroit is a city where Zion can focus on basketball. It’s tough to fly the hoes into Michigan in the middle of winter. Zion would have no choice but to like, reluctantly focus on his craft.
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