Local Dallas service workers can stop spitting in all his Uber orders.
The Dallas Mavericks are 5-13— one of the worst teams in the NBA.
With new execs coming in, looking to re-focus the roster around Cooper Flagg instead of Luka Doncic’s ghost.
Anthony Davis never asked to play for the Mavericks. It’s time for him to seek new shelter.
Let’s make up some spicy Anthony Davis trades, starting with South Beach.
[Disclaimer: I have no idea who has what draft pick and what protections and swaps are nailed to them so, in your head, add however many draft picks you need to make yourself comfortable with these trades, if that’s important to you]
1. Miami Heat
Miami receives: Anthony Davis
Dallas receives: Nikola Jovic, Andrew Wiggins, Terry Rozier
Anthony Davis came into this season overweight, claiming he could “lose about 10 to 12 pounds very quickly.”
Miami is the perfect organization to tweak AD’s nutrition plan, and Pat Riley on the other end of an internal, molecular shock collar, planted in the players’ bloodstream at the annual training camp physical.
With Terry Rozier catching a case of the Folson prison blues and Andrew Wiggins potentially convinced to opt out of his player option, the Mavs could free up over $50 million in cap for a summer spending spree.
2. Phoenix Suns
Phoenix receives: Anthony Davis
Dallas receives: Jalen Green, Grayson Allen and Khaman Maluach
Phoenix just beat the Spurs, their 11th W of the season—same as the Lakers.
The Suns have one fewer win than the Denver Nuggets.
They are running this marathon shoulder-to-shoulder with the best teams in the Western Conference.
If Phoenix replaced 3 guys who aren’t even in the lineup, with Anthony Davis—one of the best defenders in the NBA— the organization could transform from laughing stock—victims of another successful Bradley Beal heist—to legit championship-caliber, deserving of serious basketball discourse.
To match contracts, Phoenix sends Jalen Green, Grayson Allen and 19-year-old Sudanese 7-footer Khaman Maluach.
Dallas gets a point guard (sort of) and a former Top 3 pick to pair with Cooper Flagg.
Klay Thompson is shooting 32% from 3. Maybe Grayson Allen takes those minutes and Klay Thee Stallion takes his celebrity to a title contender while Dallas shuffles the deck a little.
3. Boston Celtics
Boston receives: Anthony Davis
Dallas receives: Derrick White, Anferee Simons
The Boston Celtics aren’t winning a title without Jayson Tatum.
Most likely won’t even make the play-in.
This season doesn’t matter.
Might as well use Anferee Simons’s expiring contract to help acquire a potential All-Defense big man to pair with full-strength Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown in 2026-27.
Cooper Flagg, watch everything Derrick White does and copy the formula.
4. Philadelphia 76ers
Philadelphia receives: Anthony Davis
Dallas receives: Paul George, Kyle Lowry
Anthony Davis and Joel Embiid, physically incapable of running back on defense, hanging by the net for easy fastbreak points on the other end. Teams would have to keep defenders back to guard the rim. Philadelphia could turn NBA games into a series of 3-on-3’s and 2-on-2’s, sometimes, like, the 3 games a year they play at the same time.
Dallas replaces a disappointing injury-prone superstar with a disappointing injury-prone superstar.
I know Paul George cannot wait to have the most milqtoast podcast interview with Cooper Flagg.
5. San Antonio Spurs
San Antonio receives: Anthony Davis
Dallas receives: Harrison Barnes, Kelly Olynyk, Devin Vassell
Okay, the Spurs don’t *need* Anthony Davis but what if Harrison Barnes was just Anthony Davis. With the 5th-ranked defensive rating, Anthony Davis and Victor Wembanyama could shut down entire offenses from the foul line extended.
I love Devin Vassell’s game. He’s the perfect player to team up with Cooper Flagg. Both players can grow their offensive games together without getting in each other’s way. Devin Vassell hasn’t even found the locked door storing his All-NBA potential yet.
Vassell MVP season coming soon. (maybe)
6. Portland Trail Blazers
Portland receives: Anthony Davis
Dallas receives: Jerami Grant, Matisse Thybulle, Yang Hanson
On Sunday, Jerami Grant led the Blazers in scoring with 21 points. He also had a -29 plus-minus, the worst on the team. Somehow, Jerami Grant and the Portland Trailblazers agreed on a rare 30-year contract but Grant has a player option, could stay under contract until 2028. If Jerami stays in Portland through 2028, he’ll have seen three different presidents in office since joining the Blazers.
Anyway, yea Anthony Davis is better than all those players. So.
7. Los Angeles Clippers
Los Angeles receives: Anthony Davis
Dallas Mavericks receives Kawhi Leonard
Spiiiiicy.
Ivica Zubac isn’t at his All-Defense level from last season, Los Angeles the 24th-ranked defense.
James Harden in the midst of his greatest season since he was an MVP finalist in Houston— all for the same amount of wins as the Utah Jazz.
Maybe the addition of Anthony Davis could rewrite the ending of Chris Paul’s story.
No one in the NBA world was a louder defender of Steve Ballmer’s salary cap circumvention than Mark Cuban.
Why not take it a step further and fully take Kawhi Leonard off Ballmer’s plate?
Perhaps he will donate or invest in whatever faux-non-profit Cuban uses as his personal Venmo account.
Steve Ballmer is a Victim, Mark Cuban is a Ball Licker and Kawhi is the GOAT
Thanks for reading. Let me if you have any spicy trades floating in your head. Or even better, reach out and send some trade ideas and I’ll tap in and write about it. Hit up ya boy on social media: Facebook. Twitter. Bluesky. Instagram.
Or shoot me an email (I refresh that thing no less than a million times a day) Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com.
