thelesterlee
Ben Simmons can no longer play for the Philadelphia 76ers.
He isn’t the sole reason for Philly’s early playoff exit but he also had the lowest free throw percentage in postseason history—vanishing in 4th quarters as if terrified to make a mistake to cost his team the win—thus, costing his team the win.
A trade is necessary.
Here are 7 potential Ben Simmons trade destinations:
1. Denver Nuggets
I kept trying to figure out which team has the ideal roster that the Sixers should have been putting together around Ben Simmons and it’s the Nuggets.
Nikola Jokic and Joel Embiid were the two best players of the 2020-21 NBA season.
Jamal Murray is the elite scoring point guard the Sixers should have put next to Ben Simmons years ago—no offense to the great Shake Milton.
Ben Simmons may not be able to shoot from the perimeter, or from the free throw line, or anywhere at all but I have faith in his ability to cut backdoor for easy buckets at the rim like Aaron Gordon does all game.
2. Los Angeles Clippers
“positionless basketball” I whisper at the Wendy’s drive-thru window after the cashier asks me if I want to pay an additional 75 cents for a large meal.
Imagine a Paul George-Kawhi Leonard-Ben Simmons Red Rover-esque lineup put on Earth for the sole purpose of ensuring that the opposing team never scores more than 40 points.
3 wings that can handle the ball and strangle opposing guards into submission. Opposing superstars are flying out of Los Angeles in straitjackets.
3. Golden State Warriors
Functionally, Ben Simmons would exist as a younger and more athletic Draymond Green.
Green has fallen off a cliff offensively—highlighted by airballing a fucking wide-open floater to end the Warriors season.
The problem with this trade is that Philly would have to take back either Draymond or Wiggins in order to make the money match—making them a worse team.
Wiggins is Tobias Harris with even less sense of urgency and Draymond will take all the 3’s fans wanted Simmons to take except he’d end the season with the same amount of made 3’s as Ben. (That would be zero.)
4. Oklahoma City Thunder
OKC has the draft assets and cap space to absorb Ben Simmons’s deal in exchange for picks—allowing Philly more flexibility to do a soft reset as they find a veteran to run their offense after Ben was afraid to put up a layup over 4-foot-5 Trae Young.
Also would love to see Simmons leading a team of kids.
1st in the NBA in pace just running up and down the floor catching teams off guard on a random Wednesday in January.
Big Ben and Lu Dort putting opposing teams in a torture chamber on defense—neither capable of scoring outside of the paint. Ah, what a dream.
5. Brooklyn Nets
Durant and Kyrie are besties so no one is getting traded but like, what if Ben was the starting point guard in an offense where Harden and Durant occupy most of the touches?
Kyrie is more than a luxury on this team.
What’s the Nets weakness?
Defense.
What’s Ben’s strength?
All-NBA caliber defense.
Interestinggggg. [Daylyt voice] hmmm, it all makes sense.
Plus, Kyrie would be the point guard the Sixers have yet to put next to Joel Embiid.
We need a Kyrie vs. Trae playoff series to wash the piss off the court that was running down Ben Simmon’s leg.
6. Washington Wizards
This one has nothing to do with basketball.
No, this is more about the two funniest outcomes possible.
either A.) Russell Westbrook and Joel Embiid play together or B.) Russell Westbrook and Ben Simmons play together—leading to hilarious articles in The Athletic about locker room fist fights, Cold Wars and keyed cars.
Both teams would miss the playoffs but the chaos would be delicious—keeping the lights on over here at Deadseriousness.
A Ben Simmons trade to the Wizards would give Deadseriousness so much great content.
Daddy’s gotta eat too.
That’s one of the sentences you abandon like a 5-star recruit fleeing a hit-and-run accident.
We don’t backspace here. We should.
7. New York Knicks
HAD to put the Knicks on this list.
Couldn’t not.
This team had the No. 1 defense last season and would excel to historically great if they added a Defensive Player of the Year candidate on the perimeter to match what Mitch Robinson can do in the paint.
Plus, he and Elfrid Payton are pretty much the same offensively but Simmons at least can get you double-digit rebounds and assists.
The Knicks would still have enough money and draft assets to add some shooters around Simmons and Julius Randle—and most importantly, Payton would be ejected from the NBA.
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