As a Knicks fan, I’d hate to see a 37-year-old with a busted achilles and a social media addiction join my beloved team.
The man is almost guaranteed to miss a chunk of the season with some injury and, even in Golden State, he’s brought strange vibes to every ball club.
I’m not sure how much he impacts winning—at least as the focal point of an offense.
A team with Devin Booker and Kevin Durant shouldn’t be missing the play-in—regardless of who their starting center is or whatever.
THAT BEING SAID, Durant averaged 26.6 points on 52% shooting from the field and 43% shooting from 3.
I know he would’ve helped some of these playoff teams this year with his shotmaking alone.
I feel like I’m doing fake Kevin Durant trades twice a year.
This motherfucker is never satisfied.
Anyway, here are 5 teams that should trade for The Servant©️
1. Los Angeles Lakers
The Los Angeles Lakers are a spectacle. Always have been. We don’t have to pretend as if they’re anything other than what they are. Oftentimes, those spectacles lead to winning. Maybe this Kevin Durant trade would too.
Somewhere, someone who understands the new CBA is shouting at me about a LeBron-Luka-Durant team being impossible but I refuse to live in your small-minded world of facts and information. All EYE know is the Lakers would be astronomically more interesting to watch if Kevin Durant was standing in the corner instead of Jarred Vanderbilt.
Also ready and willing to push the narrative that JJ Redick is an all-time great coach, completely shaving away the context of how talented these rosters are. History won’t remember Nico Harrison dropping Luka Doncic on the Lakers front door like a gangster throwing a shooting victim in front of a hospital as they speed away.
I think my new personality is gonna be pretending to like the Lakers. If you’re reading this, you will understand my 2026 NBA preview in a few months where I declare the Lakers the title favorites despite the story I read about Bronny joining the rotation regularly. Lol. I hate, I mean LOVE the Lakers, bayyyybeeee.
2. Indiana Pacers
Can you imagine how much better this Indiana Pacers team would be if they had one guy on their roster (not named Benedict Mathurin) who confidently seeks their own shot instead of the hot potato thing they do in the halfcourt where Tyrese treats the ball like a 3rd grader desperately trying to avoid cooties, and everyone just swings it around to each other until Pascal Siakam or Myles Turner are forced to launch a grenade at the end of the shotclock?
If Tyrese Haliburton is going to continue treating looking up at the rim the same way I treat checking my bank account after a Friday night out then Indiana will need a dominant scorer.
And Kevin Durant doesn’t pound the ball and iso to get 20 points a night. He could seemlessly fit into what Indiana is already doing.
Like, imagine if Obi Toppin was good.
3. Denver Nuggets
Hot take, I know. Pardon me for going full Nick Wright here…but..Kevin Durant is better than Michael Porter Jr.
I know, I know. Shades of Stephen A.
But yea, the Denver Nuggets deserve a ton of credit for taking the Oklahoma City Thunder to 7 games despite a tight 7-man rotation of injured players who couldn’t hit jumpers.
Fuck it, galaxy brain. Bring Russell Westbrook back to and let these old sociopaths battle it out together one more time but on the back of Nikola Jokic’s greatness. It’d be like Nick Collison somehow turned into the best basketball player on the planet in 2011.
4. Atlanta Hawks
Before we trade Trae Young for a handful of future 2nd rounders and like, Rudy Gobert—maybe let’s see what this Hawks team could look like with a future All-Star in Jalen Johnson fully healthy, Dyson Daniels locking guys up on the perimeter and one fucking player on the wing who can shoot 3’s.
Of the Hawks who were regularly in the rotation all season, Zaccharie Risacher was the best 3-point shooter—hitting 35% of his perimeter shots.
Shit, even Trae Young only shot 34% last season.
You cannot compete in the Eastern Conference against the Celtics and Pacers and Cavaliers bombing 3’s when your only good 3-point shooter is Georges fucking Niang.
Atlanta could be a force in the NBA.
They just have to, ya know, acquire good players.
Do they know they’re allowed to do that?
5. Memphis Grizzlies
Honestly, the Grizzlies lost this year because their defense fell off a cliff.
We can talk about not running pick and rolls and Taylor Jenkins playing too many guys too many minutes but Memphis finished 1st in pace and 2nd in scoring.
They were just allowing teams to come right back and score on them.
Kevin Durant solves none of that.
Except he kind of does.
Kind of.
I like the Grizzlies roster and I believe most of their 15-man roster can contribute to a winning program.
But not this one. Not all at the same time.
You build a team around Jaren Jackson Jr, Ja Morant and Kevin Durant, and everyone else should exist exclusively to make the stars’ jobs easier.
I’d probably keep Desmond Bane and move Jaren Jackson Jr but either way, you have a foundation and can make the necessary adjacent moves so you can compete for championships instead of having an 11-man rotation where everyone plays and shares and has a fun time.
Someone’s gotta smack the floor and play defense.
And real quick, let’s talk about two teams that probablyyyy shouldn’t trade real, valuable assets for Kevin Durant—but it would make the NBA a hell of a lot more interesting if they did.
6. Charlotte Hornets
At a certain point, the Hornets need to figure out if LaMelo Ball is a winner and they’ll never discover this information if they continue to play meaningless games all year, every year, attempting to win draft lotteries they’ll never win. There’s enough guys here now. Between Brandon Miller, LaMelo, the wife beater and Lakers legend, Mark Williams, the Hornets shouldn’t be at the bottom of the standings anymore.
Yet here we are.
Again.
Put a star on this roster, in a weak ass Eastern Conference, and let’s see what LaMelo looks like in games he’s actually favored to win. With real life expectations and stakes. Games where the final score matters.
7. Portland Trailblazers
The Seattle Supersonics are never coming back.
At least not while Kevin Durant can still hoop.
Let’s send him to the next best option to finish his career.
At one point, starting around mid-Janaury, Portland found a little juice.
They won 10 out of 11 games—including wins over the Bucks, Magic and Pacers.
They had several 3+ game winning streaks in the second half of the year as head coach, Chauncey Billups, leaned into playing the young guns—with Deni Avdija turning into 08 Hedo Turkoglu. Shaedon Sharpe and Scoot Henderson displaying brief glimpses of brilliance. Toumani Camara annoying the shit out of opposing players.
There’s something tasty going on in Portland and adding a Kevin Durant could breathe life into an organization that rode the tires of Damian Lillard.
Or, for me personally, sending Durant to Portland would get his name out of the news cycle. I’m over this grumpy, “I just love hoops” weirdo who wasted the last 5 years increasing his shot percentages instead of winning championships.
Go to Oregon, away from me.
Thanks for reading.
If you have your own fantasy Kevin Durant trades, leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
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