5 Myles Garrett Trade Ideas

Myles Garrett no longer wants to be a Cleveland Brown. In a statement released on NFL.com, Garrett indicated his watch had ended as the reigning 2023 Defensive Player of the Year wants to play for an organization that didn’t put all their eggs in a basket full of holes and cum-stained massage sheets.

Here’s what Garrett said about his future:

“As a kid dreaming of the NFL, all I focused on was the ultimate goal of winning a Super Bowl — and that goal fuels me today more than ever. My love for the community of Northeast Ohio and the incredible fanbase of the Cleveland Browns has made this one of the toughest decisions of my life. These past eight years have shaped me into the man that I am today,”

“While I’ve loved calling this city my home, my desire to win and compete on the biggest stages won’t allow me to be complacent. The goal was never to go from Cleveland to Canton, it has always been to compete for and win a Super Bowl,”

Myles Garrett wants to compete for a Super Bowl and the 2025 Cleveland Browns will be competing for the 2026 no. 1 overall draft pick.

#FreeMyles

So let’s think of some Myles Garrett trade destinations.

If you’ve read these Deadseriousness articles before then you know these have nothing to do with what is best for Garrett or anything like that.

Again, head over to Bleacher Report for that.

These are just cool trade ideas EYE would personally enjoy.

So yea, here are 5 Myles Garrett trade ideas:

1. Philadelphia Eagles

Fuck it, man.

I know I’m supposed to hate the Eagles.

They are division rivals to my beloved Giants. Saquon Barkley put their jersey on and became the greatest running back of all time.

They’re in the Super Bowl every other year despite having a quarterback who refuses to throw to a wide receiver unless they have been wide open for about 2 Mississipi’s first.

Then I watch DT Jalen Carter play football and I can’t help but watch this maniac murder offensive linemen.

JALEN CARTER CAUSES THE FUMBLE

EAGLES BALLpic.twitter.com/P0bqn9hAXT

— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) January 19, 2025

Jalen Carter will have a game-winning forced fumble, he’ll crush an offensive lineman like a frat brother smashing an empty Bud Light can against his forehead and he’ll leave your burning body in a crash site.

I hate watching the Eagles win football games but if they’re going to have the best defense every year, let’s just give them Myles Garrett and let Nick Sirianni continue to do nothing all week.

2. New York Giants

Sorry, as I was re-reading all that Eagles nonsense I got triggered and immediately needed to pretend as if the Giants would even consider making this move.

For about the first 5 weeks, the New York Giants led the NFL in sacks. Then Daniel Jones kept playing like he was in those Jontay Porter/Terry Rozier chat rooms giving away prop bets for college freshmen and then Dexter Lawrence suffered a season-ending injury—but yea, between Lawrence and Brian Burns and Kayvon Thibodeaux, the Giants are a couple pieces away from having one of the most dominant pass rush units in the NFL.

Now, imagine New York uses the no. 3 pick on pass rusher Abdul Carter or even Travis Hunter falls to them and they have a lockdown corner that forces opposing QBs to hold onto the ball longer— giving Myles Garrett and these demons more time to swarm the backfield.

Okay yea, no, the Giants need to trade for Myles Garrett yesterday.

3. New York Jets

I was going through each new head coach, attempting to figure out which one I wanted to see have the most immediate success.

Ben Johnson seems like a cool dude and I hope he can unlock Caleb Williams’s superstar potential but as Dave Chappelle once said “black actors have to stick together” so I’m alllll in on my guy Aaron Glenn.

No idea who the Jets starting quarterback will be next season.

The team owner just hired a blog to run a million pointless interviews for them even though they immediately hired a coordinator who wasn’t available to be interviewed.

But a Myles Garrett trade could provide this organization with a legitimate professional and adult to pair with their new defensive-focused head coach.

The Jets could go from a laughing stock to a Super Bowl threat in one single transaction.

4. Carolina Panthers

Okay, HEAR ME OUT.

If Myles Garrett wants to win a Super Bowl, he has to make the playoffs first and there’s no easier division to win right now than the NFC South.

The Saints are preoccupied playing Captain Save-a-Hoe for local pedophiles, the Atlanta Falcons team facility was built on an Indian burial ground causing the Great Ancestors to seek their annual revenge and Baker Mayfield is one trip to the Cheesecake Factory away from losing his family.

Meanwhile, Bryce Young ended the 2024 NFL season looking like a Top 10 QB in the league.

BRYCE YOUNG WITH AN 83-YARD TD STRIKE BEFORE THE HALF 😱

(via @NFL)
pic.twitter.com/R9ODrr3wDN

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) December 15, 2024

Now that Bryce has proven he isn’t too tiny to play at a high level, it’s time to surround him with championship-level talent.

I imagine superstars aren’t rushing to play for the Panthers so Carolina will have to build via trade.

A Myles Garrett trade is a franchise-altering first step.

5. Los Angeles Chargers

Khalil Mack is one of my favorite players ever and his time with the Chargers appears to be coming to an end.

I’m refreshing the Robinhood app every hour checking my Justin Herbert stock.

Still down.

But I trust Jim Harbaugh’s psychopathic obsession with football will eventually lead to the Chargers making a Super Bowl run.

Harbaugh did it with Colin Kaepernick and if you ask anyone who thinks planes are falling out of the sky because of DEI what they feel about Kaepernick they’ll tell you he was one of the worst quarterbacks ever.

29-year-old Myles Garrett replacing Khalil Mack would make Harbaugh’s job a lot easier—especially considering they play against Patrick Mahomes twice a year and Sean Payton used dark Lousiana voodoo to turn Bo Nix into a real passing threat.

HERBERT THROWS A PICK-SIX 😳

20 unanswered points from the Texans after going down 6-0 😯

(via @HoustonTexans)pic.twitter.com/iRy43MW2Mq

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) January 12, 2025

Although, I reckon Myles Garrett can’t fix whatever this is.

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