thelesterlee
The Portland Trailblazers have been in the news a lot lately for a team that’s been below .500 most of this season and will be a complete non-factor when the season concludes. Whether we’re debating if Lillard is a Top 75 player ever (he isn’t) or they have to fire their GM for being a weird racist sexist asshole, the Blazers remain in undeserved headlines.
This week, Damian Lillard came out and said that he wants Ben Simmons. There are also reports that the team is jiving with new coach, Chauncey Billups. I hate how much I know about the Blazers.
I was prepared to write an article about Damian Lillard trade packages but I don’t want to give this him any more undeserved attention. Man got swept by the Pelicans in the first round once. Enough.
Let’s talk about CJ McCollum who has been in hypothetical trade rumors for like, a half-decade. But those fake trades have always been by the media. For some reason, Portland refuses to break up this backcourt that has done nothing but lose playoff games due to being undersized guards that cannot stay in front of any decent ball handler.
So let’s send him out of Portland.
I want to preface this list by saying that I don’t think really any team would improve by trading for McCollum. Signing him in free agency? Maybe. But giving up assets for a guy that is going to get burned on every defensive possession, miss a game with injury once a week and give you the most meaningless 20 points a night? Yike.
Look at the Sixers for example. Yes, it would benefit the Blazers to acquire a large wing who is arguably the best on-ball defender in the NBA. But the Sixers gain nothing by giving away players and adding another off-the-ball shooter.
Assuming Tyrese Maxey is in the deal, who would be running the Sixers offense with McCollum, Seth Curry, Danny Green, Tobias Harris and Joel Embiid as the starting 5? McCollum just isn’t great enough at anything to convince me that he’d help Philly at all.
Anyway, here are teams that should trade for McCollum, I guess:
1. Cleveland Cavaliers
The Cavs currently have the 4th ranked defense in the league mostly due to their Monstar frontcourt of Jarrett Allen and Evan Mobley swatting everything away. Offensively, those two beasts have sort of messed up their spacing.
So fuck it, add CJ McCollum. Trade Kevin Love and Collin Sexton. Who cares? CJ can bring his unimportant 20 points to the Land. If the season ended today, the Cavs would be in the play-in game. I accidentally maybe did a good trade? I swear I just wrote this to make fun of McCollum. I suppose I’ll keep going with this list.
2. Milwaukee Bucks
I’m not 1000% sure Milwaukee would rather have McCollum over Grayson Allen. Giannis already has so much work to do on the defensive side of the ball. Imagine he had to rotate every time an opponent caught CJ on an island on the perimeter.
3. New Orleans Pelicans
This deal would get vetoed by New Orleans but Brandon Ingram would be perfect next to Damian Lillard. I mean, Ben Simmons would truly be perfect next to Lillard but fuck what Lillard wants. From New Orleans’s side, they don’t seem interested in building a team that fits both Ingram AND Zion. They don’t seem interested in building a team at all.
Oh, they also have the 30th ranked defense so it would be hilarious to replace a wing with size that can defend the perimeter with CJ McCollum. Let’s see how bad this team can really be.
4. Dallas Mavericks
I don’t really have a 4th team. I cannot stress enough when I say I wrote this article to make fun of the Blazers, I mean it. Basketball-wise, I reckon it makes your team better to replace Tim Hardaway Jr with CJ McCollum. One can dribble and one should not be dribbling under any circumstance.
Just break up the Blazers. Restart and rebuild. As long as we stop hearing about them every day.
