thelesterlee
After watching the Giants lose 10-28 against the Houston Texans in a preseason game on Saturday, I’m ready to say the New York Giants 2024 season is over and they should probably tank for the no. 1 draft pick next year.
BUT, that’s not how the NFL works. GM Joe Schoen and head coach Brian Daboll have zero job security. It does not behoove them to lose every game and set their replacements up for instant success.
Sooo, we have to fix this mess on the fly.
I, like a big dumb stupid buffoon, tricked myself into believing Daniel Jones could revive his career in 2024 like John Travolta in Pulp Fiction with a new star wide receiver, a healthy offensive line and another year under the Daboll offense.
And then Daniel Jones went out there and did this weird shit:
Daniel Jones with the savvy veteran play. Why give up 2 points when you can give up 6. Chess not checkers. pic.twitter.com/QNXwJHfEOO
— Dead Serious (@Deadseriousness) August 17, 2024
Here’s what Jones did against Houston:
- 11-for-18 passing
- 138 yards
- 0 touchdowns
- 2 interceptions
- 45.2 quarterback rating
Siiiiick.
The Giants have no chance of succeeding if Daniel Jones goes out there looking like Shaggy and Scooby when they see a ghost.
Let’s try to save this season before it’s too late.
Here are 3 ways to save the 2024 New York Giants season:
1. Sign Eli Manning
I see a lot of people photoshopping Tom Brady into a Giants jersey and as much as Jones sucks, I cannot remove Brady’s last game against the Cowboys 2 years ago out of my brain.
He looked like he was playing in Timbs and jeans.
But more importantly, I’m selfish. I want to see what Tom Brady sounds like on the Sunday broadcast. Greg Olsen was dope in the booth so for Fox to sacrifice him like a Midsommar ceremony, Brady better be The One.
You know how you guarantee job security? Sign John Mara’s old son, Eli, and let him go out there and drive the tank for you.
Speaking of sacrifices, it’s time for Eli Manning to give back.
If he dies, he dies. He can pass the baton to Deion Sanders’s spoiled son from his hospital bed.
(They could also sign Ryan Tannehill, I guess.)
2. Trade for Jameis Winston
Malik Nabers. Jaylin Hyatt. Wan’Dale Robinson. Darius Slayton. This team offense doesn’t lack talent. They just need a sicko who will close their eyes and chuck the ball as far as he can.
Enter Jameis Winston:
I love Jameis Winston pic.twitter.com/X6EUFX6bhY
— Will Compton (@_willcompton) August 15, 2024
The Cleveland Browns cannot have this charismatic leader sitting behind the wee-wee flasher, especially if he continues to play incredibly tense, as if he desperately needs a massage.
I imagine the Browns locker room is already side-eying Deshaun Watson while Winston comes in with coffee and donuts for everyone every Monday morning.
Jameis Winston has all of the same turnover mistakes as Daniel Jones except he actually throws touchdown passes and people like him and he’s a real life professional football quarterback while Jones is a high school gym teacher who stole $150 million from an NFL franchise.
3. Unlock Drew Lock
This is the most boring and probable solution but getting injured is the best thing that could’ve happened to Drew Lock because the less film we see of him playing, well, the way he always plays, the more we can convince ourselves he is the secret weapon.
But man, I’m looking at this picture of him right here and this is not an All-Star QB. Drew Lock looks like all of my girlfriends’s gay best friends.
And there’s nothing wrong with being a gay quarterback. Tim Tebow did it for years.
But you never want your QB1 to physically present like he spends all of his time in the Shade Room comment section.
The 2024 New York Giants are doomed. This quarterback room is disgusting. An injury-prone fraidy-cat, a twink on his third team and a local New Jersey Make-A-Wish kid.
0-17 soon cometh.
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How would you save the 2024 New York Giants? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
