thelesterlee
I was waiting to see where Aaron Rodgers landed before I dropped a final NFL free agency article but I don’t have time to waste while Rodgers rubs mud on his face on the outskirts of the Patagonian Desert—high off the chemicals they forced 1950s housewives to devour after they watched their second-born get mowed down by a Buick Skylark because they hadn’t created residential speed limits yet.
So let’s just get into 2025 NFL Free Agency now. Why am I pretending it matters where Russell Wilson ends up?
With every big event there are winners and there are certainly losers.
Let’s start with the biggest winners of 2025 NFL Free Agency:
1. Every team that hasn’t signed these old guys (yet)
Recently, Kirk Cousins said he’s waiting to waive his no-trade clause—not sure what Kirk has done in his career to be able to negotiate a no-trade clause but those Washington DC agents are special—until after the draft so he isn’t stuck in the same situation in 2024—where the team and fans are impatiently anticipating his failure so they can throw their rookie QB in there.
Aaron Rodgers, Russell Wilson and Kirk Cousins, on any given Sunday, finish between the 15th best QB to the 25th—and they’d rather retire than sign with a team with a younger replacement behind them.
3 men who have had long careers.
Aaron Rodgers has 4 fucking MVP trophies.
Russell Wilson’s played in 2 Super Bowls.
Kirk Cousins has stolen hundreds of millions of dollars. Mask off.
And the thought of passing the baton to the next generation—sharing their knowledge of the game to help a new crop of players reach their potential—repulses them.
Shout out to the old generation complaining about the new generation as if they are not directly responsible for them.
All 32 teams win by not paying millions of dollars to Pat McAfee’s co-host. (Lol at the Steelers).
2. Bosa Brothers
I get the feeling Nick and Joey Bosa get along like the couple on a double date watching the other couple argue over what they’re allowed to order—see, Johnny got heartburn last time he ate the wings here and he promised on the car ride he wouldn’t order them tonight so I just find it funny how…—while the non-fighting couple gets front row seats to a free show.
The Bosa Brothers probably have that cool relationship because they live in different cities most of the year and only hang out on the 4th of July and the 6th of January.
It was cute when Joey Bosa flew to San Fran, pretending to be in deep contract negotiations to join his brother in San Francisco—but I bet Joey and Nick spent 60+ minutes together in a work environment—little bro’s work environment to be exact—and Joey called his agent to book the first flight to the furthest NFL city possible.
Sources: Former Chargers Pro Bowl edge Joey Bosa is signing with the Bills on a 1-year, $12.6M deal.
— Ian Rapoport (@rapsheet1.bsky.social) March 11, 2025 at 9:43 PM
Nick and Joey can continue pretending like Elon Musk is a genius—just, via text.
3. The Wilsons
So I looked up Zach Wilson’s wife on Instagram.
Not in a creepy way.
For research.
Ew, that sounds creepier.
I wanted to get an idea of her lifestyle. Her first 3 photos are in a bathing suit.
Schefter: Zach Wilson to sign a 1-year, $6M deal with the Dolphins. Fully guaranteed.
— NFL NEWS (@fantasynflnews.bsky.social) March 10, 2025 at 6:30 PM
I love the life Zach Wilson is creating for himself.
He went for it in New York.
Never stood a chance.
Zach sat under the Jarrett Stidham backup QB learning tree in Denver for a year—realizing the perks of making millions of dollars while remaining in a position where the best-case scenario is you do not have to play.
Now, he and his wife live in Miami.
I know what you’re thinking..”isn’t the backup for Tua Tagovailoa almost guaranteed to play” and yes—however, once Tua starts break dancing on the turf with his eyes rolled back, Dolphins fans already know the season is over.
The last (and only) time Tua played all 17 games, Miami won 11 games, Tua led the NFL in yards and the Dolphins had the 2nd best offense in the NFL.
That 2023 year was special.
Also the only year the Tua-Dolphins won 10 or more games.
If/when Zach Wilson enters the game, Miami’s season is over anyway.
Nothing he does out there matters.
If anything, Zach Wilson plays well and he gets to stay in Miami as long as he wants.
It’s a win/win.
4. Pete Carroll
Pete Carroll almost came out of retirement to coach Aidan fucking O’Connell.
Geno Smith isn’t a Top 5 QB but every single year, his stats finish Top 10.
Can’t really say the same about Gardner Minshew.
Shit, Pete Carroll almost had to run it back with Russell Wilson—whose agent was 1000% planting stories about some big mutual reunion that Pete Carroll could not have been interested in.
Pete Carroll retired because he finally let Russell Wilson cook, and Russ lit the kitchen on fire.
5. Los Angeles Chargers
Justin Herbert is one of my favorite athletes in sports.
Truly must-see TV every Sunday.
He is fearless—stepping into the pocket, getting decapitated and still chucking that ball beautifully down the field.
But I think we’ve seen enough of him in playoff games to recognize the Chargers aren’t winning shit when the game plan is entirely Herbert-centric.
HERBERT THROWS A PICK-SIX 😳
20 unanswered points from the Texans after going down 6-0 😯
(via @HoustonTexans)pic.twitter.com/iRy43MW2Mq
— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) January 12, 2025
In 2 playoff games, Justin Herbert has 2 touchdowns, 4 interceptions and a fumble.
That’s not how Jim Harbaugh wants to win games.
This is how Jim Harbaugh wants to win games:
NAJEE HARRIS TOUCHDOWN
Steelers now trail by 3
pic.twitter.com/mQjoowcGgY— Barstool Gambling (@stoolgambling) January 5, 2025
Najee Harris isn’t the most explosive running back of all time but fuck all that.
I-Formantion.
Your best punch against my best punch.
Ball up top.
Najee Harris, the battering ram, is going to save Justin Herbert.
6. Jerry Jones
No team owner sleeps more blissfully during the free agency period than Jerry Jones—who puts his phone on Do Not Disturb the moment his team is eliminated from championship contention—only allowing incoming messages from the handful of local escorts he’s cried his secrets to.
7. Caleb Williams
Standing ovation to the Bears.
Caleb Williams was looking like rookie David Carr—surviving nonstop car crashes all Sunday while still showing flashes of brilliance—despite playing for an offensive line who all needed to have their cell phones confiscated and investigated for any shady DraftKings bets they made against the Bears.
Chicago went out and got the best head coaching candidate available and as soon as free agency began, they scooped up the best O-Linemen available.
Caleb Williams was one year away from being where Trevor Lawrence is now and if this nonsense continued, two years away from being Josh Rosen.
The Chicago Bears literally just saved this young man’s life. Caleb was close to battling Jaxson Dart for the Jets job in 2028 or selling insurance.
Now let’s go see what Caleb looks like when he plays for a professional football organization and not whatever the fuck Chicago was last year.
8. Bryce Young
You can typically tell a team’s draft strategy by how they maneuver through free agency.
Most of Carolina’s dollars went to adding veteran talent and depth on the defensive side—which Carolina needs. Desperately.
But you know what the Panthers absolutely did not need? Spending a ton of money on a guy like Deebo Samuel or even less expensive options like DeAndre Hopkins or an oft-injured Cooper Kupp.
It looks like Carolina is planning on building a young, talented offense through the draft.
Cheaper, high-ceiling players to pair with Bryce.
You want Bryce’s voice in that locker room to grow, especially on his side of the ball—which means you need young, hungry guys who will listen to their short king and rise to the occasion for him—as opposed to older mercenaries who want that one final big check and a retirement home in Raleigh. Looking right at you, Adam Thielen.
Buuuumpy start but the Panthers might actually be building a little something something.
9. Duval
you could watch some shitty half-hour sitcom
or you could watch a half-hour of Liam Coen saying “Duval” pic.twitter.com/smWO6uQyZu
— The Coachspeak Index (@CoachspeakIndex) January 30, 2025
DUuuUUvaaAlllll
And now, onto the Losers…
1. Cincinnati Bengals
The benefit of having a guy like Joe Burrow or Josh Allen or Patrick Mahomes or Lamar Jackson is that your team doesn’t need two highly paid wide receivers.
You need great defensive playmakers who can stop a guy like Joe Burrow or Josh Allen or Patrick Mahomes or Lamar Jackson.
Every offseason since their trip to the Super Bowl in 2021, the Bengals slowly lose star defensive player after star defensive player—to the point where they are now looking to sell Trey Hendrickson—the First-Team All-Pro who finished 2nd in Defensive Player of the Year voting and led the NFL in sacks.
Cincinnati is demonstrating a master class on how to build an NFL roster in the worst way possible.
Last season proved this team cannot just win through Burrow but yes, definitely double down on that.
2. Justin Fields
I’m rooting for the new Jets head coach, Aaron Glenn. I really am.
Black fist emoji and all.
But there is no chance Justin Fields has a good 2025 season with the New York Jets. No doubt in my mind that Glenn can toughen up the culture around the Jets—even despite the Johnson family’s meddling—but it won’t be happening overnight.
Justin Fields is about to lose a ton of football games.
This will most likely be Fields’s final season as a starting QB.
Honestly, I doubt Fields even plays all 17 games—especially if the Jets draft a rookie QB.
Justin, my brotha, hit the streets as much as you can while you’re still popping.
Get a crib that’s a quick drive over the bridge to Manhattan and enjoy the final year of QB1 clout.
Make some memories.
It’s all downhill from here, king.
3. DeAndre Hopkins
It is an annual tradition that one, or many, of Lamar Jackson’s receivers let him down in the playoffs with drops, fumbles and other bullshit.
DeAndre Hopkins is next in line. As is tradition.
A wave of young NFL fans who never watched him dominate on the Texans will remember Hopkins as that old guy that sucked in Tennesee and sucked in Kansas City and then dropped that big wide-open, automatic touchdown pass in the Ravens heartbreaking Divisional Round loss.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers
He’s coming. Just wait. Mr. Podcast Man is coming and he cannot wait to tell everyone in Pittsburgh what he found interesting about the JFK files.
On the field, Aaron Rodgers became so terrified of risk and so focused on maintaining a strong TD-INT ratio that he removed all the aggressiveness that made him game special.
He only looks towards timing routes where receivers have small windows to be open and then gets frustrated when those receivers can’t perform in those tight phone booths.
This may be Aaron Rodgers’s final NFL season and he’s taking Mike Tomlin with him. It’s over for the Steelers.
5. CJ Stroud
The Houston Texans picked up some offensive linemen and they needed to. The Kansas City Chiefs sacked CJ Stroud 8 times in a game where he was surrounded by Chiefs like the pilgrims landing on Plymouth Rock.
But the offensive linemen they picked up aren’t very good.
They signed 33-year-old Laken Tomlinson—who ranked 100th out of 161 in QB pressure rate. I reckon Houston can technically say they signed a Top 100 offensive guard.
The Texans gave a 2026 6th-round pick to Minnesota for Ed Ingram—ranked 150th in QB pressure rate out of that same 161.
So.
Oh and then they traded away Laremy Tunsil and replaced him at left tackle with Cam Robinson—no offensive lineman in the entire NFL allowed more pressures than him. He’s quite literally the worst offensive lineman in the league.
RIP CJ Stroud.
6. Anthony Richardson
Hey, brotha. You’re about to get your chain snatched by this guy…
Daniel Jones starts this game strip sacking himself for a 15 yard loss
There will never be another like him pic.twitter.com/js6s8ZMtJw
— Dreadlef Schrempf (@TheLesterLee) October 6, 2024
Daniel Jones will 1000% play this season.
Whether it’s due to an Anthony Richardson injury or underperformance, Jones will be behind center.
And if Jones wins a game, it’s over for Anthony Richardson.
I know we’re sooo past racism and no one sees color anymore but if Daniel Jones wins one game with the Indianapolis Colts next season, they are going to talk about that man’s resilience and toughness and fill-in-the-blank unmeasurable intangibles while talking about Anthony Richardson like he’s too busy snorting heroin to look at his playbook.
Snipers are lined up outside Richardson’s home, ready to assassinate his character. (And unfortunately, AR miiiight actually deserve it. Fucking try, my guy).
7. Washington Commanders
I don’t know if Washington DC has lemon laws, and honestly, I’m beginning to question if DC has any laws—but Javon Kinlaw for 3 years worth $45 million, with $30 million guaranteed.
They also traded a 5th-rounder for Deebo Samuel and sure, it’s less likely for a 5th-rounder to develop into Deebo—it’s certainly more likely for a 5th-rounder to be less expensive.
Deebo Samuel is paid like a Top 15 wide receiver.
He made one All-Pro team, once—4 years ago—during the Covid season—the equivalent of being the loudest falling tree in the empty woods.
Jayden Daniels will still be Jayden Daniels and Washington will be fine but not the most productive offseason while Jayden is still on his rookie contract.
8. JJ McCarthy
Uncle Sam finally moved out.
What’s really good, JJ?
Sam Darnold just had an MVP-caliber season before their free agency offensive linemen additions of Will Fries and Ryan Kelly.
JJ McCarthy has the same team Darnold had but with far better protection in front of him.
I don’t have a modicum of evidence to believe JJ McCarthy is good.
But I know we’re about to find out.
And I think you guys can discern how good I think he is, as you read about him in the Losers section.
9. Seatle Seahawks
The Seahawks went to the local thrift store, sold their old clothes, and spent the money on the same exact outfits but in different colors (literally).
Seattle traded away Geno Smith—a consistent Top 10 QB over the last 3 seasons—and replaced him with Sam Darnold—who had only one Top 10 season ever.
Last season.
Under absolutely perfect circumstances.
I like Sam Darnold and Cooper Kupp but I can’t say I like them any better than Geno Smith and DK Metcalf.
It’s never a great feeling as a fan when it feels like your team is just doing stuff to look busy while the boss walks by.
Good luck over there.
10. Cleveland Browns
Deshaun Watson is still on the roster. The Browns are Losers.
UPDAAAAAATE
So before I had a chance to drop this article, Russell Wilson signed with the New York Giants and Stefon Diggs signed with the New England Patriots.
I have thoughts.
Here’s more winners
10. Stefon Diggs
Stefon Diggs is on the wrong side of 30—coming off a blown knee and being blown by Cardi B.
That was crass.
I apologize.
I don’t speak that way.
My mom reads this.
Anyway, my point is, Diggs just signed a 3-year $69 million contract—even though he was ejected from the Bills, kinda coasted on the Texans, tore his knee, was very much outside with Cardi B all offseason—and now joins a team with no real playoff expectations.
What could possibly go wrong?
Stefon Diggs is chillinnnnnn.
Diggs is in his celebrity era.
This will end horribly but not before Diggs steals as much money as he can from a desperate organization.
And just two more quick Losers before we go…
11. The Sanders Family
Deion and Shedeur Sanders have been the biggest pick-me’s of the offseason—begging for the Giants to draft a QB, who—best case scenario—plays like a healthy Tua Tagovailoa.
After signing Jamies Winston and Russell Wilson, it looks like GM Joe Schoen and head coach Brian Daboll—knowing this is their final season to make the playoffs and prove they deserve their jobs—aren’t wasting the no. 3 pick on black Derek Carr.
I don’t think Shedeur will fall too far. Every year we see teams reach in the first round for QBs who shouldn’t even be active on Sundays so Sanders will be fine but he’s not going to a fun city with the chance to start Week 1.
Or, knowing how the world works to reward the most annoying among us, Sanders will fan to the 49ers and Kyle Shanahan will turn him into a Super Bowl champion. Ew.
12. Me
Between Russell Wilson, Jameis Winston and Tommy DeVito, the Giants have put together the All-Meme team QB room.
This is the most unserious depth chart I’ve ever seen.
The Giants will be down 3-24, every game, as the broadcast cuts to New York’s sideline as Russ is praying with one eye open to make sure the camera sees him, Jameis Winston giving the word-for-word Braveheart speech to a few bored O-Linemen, ignoring him, and Tommy DeVito is getting chants from the crowd like he’s a Make-A-Wish kid managing to get dressed despite the terminal illness.
Can’t wait for the Giants to go viral every week. No wins, just social media engagement.
Fire everyone.
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