Life is hard. We have to make a million little micro decisions every day and then we have to get up and do it all again the next. This article is the third draft I started this morning because I couldn’t decide what to write about first. Bianca Censori never has to worry about that. […]
Saturday night was the biggest night of the year: WWE Royal Rumble 2025 in Indianapolis—where at one point, there was just like, a 15-minute segment dedicated to showing Pat McAfee’s old Indianapolis Colts punting footage. The Road To Wrestlemania has begun and we have two new no. 1 contenders for the men’s and women’s world […]
On Saturday night, I watched my guy Jey Uso win the 2025 WWE Royal Rumble then switched over to ABC to catch the second half of the Lakers coming into my city for a battle against the Knicks. You know the game is over when the white Knick on the end of the bench starts […]
I don’t think I can recall a ton of instances in which I moved overconfidently. My life has been an avalanche of L’s that has thrust humility upon me as I write jokes all day to a few thousand people who probably wouldn’t care if Deadseriousness stopped existing. I go entire days without even looking […]
Emilia Perez is a French musical about a Mexican cartel kingpin who fakes their own death to start a new life as a trans woman—made by a French director who is completely dismissive of Mexican culture—starring Zoe Saldana desperately trying to win an Oscar, Selena Gomez, a billionaire who cries on social media about how […]
Watching West Coast games is a burden. Typically, I just hope there’s a blowout so I can sneak off to bed at halftime—like Friday night when the Phoenix Suns stuffed the Golden State Warriors in a locker and took their lunch money. But on Thursday night, I decided to stay up til 1am watching the […]
When Zion Williamson is healthy and focused and on the court without Wendys BBQ sauce packets falling out of his pockets, he is an unstoppable force. Zion is a once in a generation athlete whose career has been grounded by his DoorDash history, and insatiable lust for mentally unwell porn stars and knee ligaments you […]
America desperately needs an underdog to step up and fight for all of us who are tired of being censored on social media. Elon Musk is the beacon of hope guiding us into a brighter future. Whether it’s by getting us to Mars or getting us in Dark Knight Batmobile-inspired trucks that look like they’d […]
I’m embarrassed by New York fans who still chant “Fuck Trae Young” at sporting events because he beat an Elfrid Payton-led Knicks team in 5 games in the first round of the 2021 playoffs—as if Reggie Bullock was about to lock down the Giannis that scored 50 points to win the NBA Finals that season. […]
FULL TRADE DETAILS: Las Vegas Aces receive: — Jewell Loyd — No. 13 pick in 2025 Draft Los Angeles Sparks receive: — Kelsey Plum — No. 9 pick in 2025 Draft Seattle Storm receive: — No. 2 pick in 2025 Draft — Li Yueru https://t.co/Gcqgh1vgcd — Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) January 27, 2025 Absolute blockbuster trade […]
Mariano Rivera may be the greatest pitcher of all time. I know he only pitched one inning a night but every pitch he threw landed in a mitt. You could not score runs against this alien. The New York Yankees don’t win all those championships without Mariano making professional hitters look like me in the […]
I’ve watched a lot of football, mostly teams flying into Jersey and beating up the locals like Ronny and The Situation—but a lot of football nonetheless. The 2025 NFC Championship game between the Eagles and Commanders introduced a rule I had never considered existed. Philadelphia ran Washington out of the game with a 55-23 victory […]
Monday morning is tough for all of us but no one had a rougher one than Selena Gomez—who went opened up her Instagram app to post herself crying about her Mexican people being under attack by the Trump administration sending ICE out to round up anyone with an accent and send them to [insert name […]
The New York Jets have found their next head coach: Detroit Lions defensive coordinator, Aaron Glenn. Let’s gooooooo! OFFICIAL: We’ve agreed to terms with Aaron Glenn to become the Head Coach of the New York Jets. — New York Jets (@nyjets) January 22, 2025 Historic day for people who, for some reason, still think the […]
This year’s NBA trade deadline is February 6th, 3pm Eastern. So far, all we’ve got is Dorian Finney-Smith and Nick Richards changing teams. The NBA is dry as hell at the moment. Not on the court. On the court we’re witnessing some of the best basketball I’ve ever watched but I want to shake the […]
The no. 1 seeded Detroit Lions were eliminated in the divisional round of the playoffs this weekend following a 45-31 loss to the Washington Commanders. With the naked eye, it looked like Jared Goff was point-shaving as he could not stop giving the ball to the Commanders but we were actually witnessing the bond between […]
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