I love MLB All-Star weekend.
Rogers Clemens throwing a bat at Mike Piazza.
Josh Hamilton smashing 2 million baseballs into outer space with a syringe between his toes.
Shit, I love this new rule MLB’s starting this season: if a the game ends in a tie, there’s no extra innings. It busts into a home run derby.
I’ve never wanted a game to tie so badly.
Your 2025 MLB All-Star Game Rosters ⭐️ pic.twitter.com/5AE0oQF57R
— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) July 6, 2025
American League
Congrats to Ryan O’Hearn.
31-year-old lefty first baseman, Ryan O’Hearn, is having the best season of his career so far.
It’s always dope to see someone 30+ make their first All-Star game. Shout out to Dan Uggla.
The Kansas City Royals designated O’Hearn for assignment in 2022.
He was picked up by Baltimore for cash considerations and immediately designated for assignment again two days after moving to Maryland.
But O’Hearn’s career was restored by the removal of the shift and Ryan Mountcastle’s injury woes.
I just wish the Orioles weren’t one of the worst teams in baseball.
Thanks to MLB’s rule—where every team needs one player in the All-Star game—O’Hearn will be Baltimore’s only representative—but man, I wish Gunnar Henderson was on the team too.
The 24-year-old Shortstop who won the 2023 Rookie of the Year and was an All-Star last season may be the new face of the Baltimore Orioles if Adley Rutschman—whose OPS+ and rBat+ are both below 100—ends up playing for the Long Island Ducks.
Don’t trade with the Red Sox…
Last year, the Yankees traded super duper backup catcher, Carlos Narváez, for minor league pitcher Elmer Rodriguez-Cruz—and although Rodriguez-Cruz is only 21 with some pretty great outings in Single-A this year—Carlos Narváez is one of the best catchers in baseball.
Carlos Narváez throwing out runners just seems routine at this point 🎯 pic.twitter.com/7jPKJLDiin
— NESN (@NESN) July 7, 2025
Narváez is currently the best in the league in sending potential base stealers back to their team’s dugout.
He’s 4th in fWAR among catchers.
He also has a 117 Rbat+ and may be Boston’s second-best hitter behind Alex Bregman—Rafael Devers’ arch nemesis.
I’ve never liked a former Boston player in pinstripes.
I always traded Johnny Damon off my team in MVP Baseball.
Jacoby Ellsbury is an exotic findom and I have a complicated relationship with Roger Clemens.
Shane Smith driving 100mph in his first car
This is Shane Smith’s first career MLB season.
He was a Rule 5 draft selection by the White Sox and has stepped up as the Ace of a pretty shitty White Sox pitching staff.
Shane Smith has given up 5 or more runs in each of his last 4 starts.
He played carefree baseeball for a White Sox team that treats winning the same way I treat flossing—driving full speed through the season as a pitcher who shouldn’t have ever even been put in a situation to become any organizations Ace—and now the brakes stopped working and he’s just speeding through the season—hoping the highway doesn’t end.
Shane Smith is the most deseriving player on the White Sox but the needle Chicago found in a haystack may just end up being another fucking needle.
The slow death of Mike Trout
Mike Trout spent a decade on pace to become the next Barry Bonds.
He was an MVP candidate 10 times in his first 11 full big league seasons—and won the award 3 times.
And now he’s Ken Griffey Jr.—an injury-plagued outfielder who could’ve been the best there ever was if he wasn’t so selfish and just took HGH to recover from his injuries faster like everyone else.
Mike Trout is the same age as Aaron Judge and while Aaron Judge, miraculously, has greater and greater single individual seasons as he gets older—including breaking the single-season AL home run record—Mike Trout just looks like a pretty good baseball player who’s paid like a perennial all-star.
He’s not an all-star. He’s Jayson Nix.
Fuck The Astros
Dang, it’s such a shame these guys sucks now and didn’t make the All-Star team:
- George Springer
- Jose Altuve
- Justin Verlander
- Carlos Correa
- Framber Valdez
You are what you bang.
Trash.
National League
Juan Soto started this season with a chest full of Flushing, Queens hookah smoke—looking as if he went up to the plate at the end of winnable games wishing the manager pinch-hit for him.
Soto’s season didn’t start the way one of the biggest free agent signings in MLB history should have.
He had an awkward Subway Series against the Yankees—where he looked to be faking the funk, pretending to be the cheerful, swaggy player he was prior to becoming Pete Alonso’s coworker.
I understand why Soto is perceived as not having a great season.
But he is sooooo back.
Juan Soto confirmed he likes curvy chicks during the Yankees-Mets game. pic.twitter.com/7cCDEIGEvj
— Sean Joseph (@sjoseph_sports) July 6, 2025
Soto is now 8th in the Majors in wRC+ and 3rd in on-base percentage.
With 21 homers and 51 RBIs for a Mets team one game out of first place in the NL East, he should probably be on the All-Star roster.
Although, I imagine Soto will be having the time of his life with his little mini vacation.
The Chicago Cubs are STACKED
Can we just talk about how many All-Star caliber players are on the NL Central-leading Chicago Cubs?
- RF Kyle Tucker: 17 HRs, 55 RBIs, .284 BA, .902 OPS, 158 Rbat+
- CF Pete Crow-Armstrong: 23 HRs, 67 RBIs, 143 OPS+, 143 Rbat+
- 1B Michael Busch: 18 HRs, 56 RBIs, .297 BA, .950 OPS, 172 Rbat+
- DH Seiya Suzuki: 25 HRs, 77 RBIs (Leads MLB), 149 OPS+, 148 Rbat+
- C Carson Kelly: 11 HRs, 31 RBIs, .879 OPS, 155 Rbat+
- SP Matthew Boyd: 103.2 IP, 96 Ks, 2.52 ERA, 151 ERA+
- CL Daniel Palencia: 10 saves, 9.9 SO/9, 1.71 ERA, 255 ERA+
- RP Drew Pomeranz: 27 games, 0.76 ERA, 9.1 SO/9, 507 ERA+
And shout out Dansby Swanson and Ian Happ.
Craig Counsell is a Top 5 manager in the game.
Let’s get Kyle Tucker more playoff at-bats before he becomes a Yankee.
Rafael Devers year from hell
Rafael Devers signed a huge extension to be the Red Sox third baseman for the rest of his career. And then the Red Sox signed Alex Bregman a minute before the season started and gave him Devers glove.
Rafael was made to look like an asshole for not loving having his corner office taken (by a player I imagine he believes he’s better than), and then sent to San Francisco in the middle of the year because Boston convinced themselves that Devers would corrupt the young prospects they decided to slingshot onto the Major League roster, whether they were ready or not.
Hunter Goodman is a diamond in a pile of dogshit
Julio Rodriguez, Jazz Chisholm and Fernando Tatis Jr making the All-Star team means I’m not washed yet
I no longer wear a young man’s clothes. I’ve taken many more laps around the sun than most of the players I’m writing about. But with Julio Rodriguez, Jazz Chisholm and Fernando Tatis Jr all making the All-Star squad, I can safely say I still know who or what is cool.
As I get older and miss out on all the cool TikTok dances and new K-pop girlies, it’s nice to know I still have a fundamental understanding of what’s cool.
Julio Rodriguez, Jazz Chisholm and Fernando Tatis Jr aren’t having better seasons than say, Randy Arozarena, Zach McKinstry or Juan Soto—but they all made the All-Star team because fans and the other MLB players fuck with them.
I, too, fuck with these 3 players and absolutely think they deserve to be in an exhibition game that highlights the coolest and most important stars of the league.
I was going to say my “cool radar” still works but I reckon any reference to a cool radar is an indication of my lack thereof.
Clayton Kershaw DEI selection.
Major League Baseball granted an extra All-Star roster spot, designated the “Legend” pick, to honor Clayton Kershaw following his 3,000 career strikeout this year.
A younger, less sentimental version of me would’ve screamed “THE FUTURE IS NOW, OLD MAN” at this 37-year old who hasn’t received a Cy Young vote since 2020, 5 years of just being a regular ass starting pitcher.
But Kershaw debuted when I was still in high school and he’s still a determinant factor of whether or not the Dodgers win every 5 days.
Sure, he gave up 4 runs and 9 hits (inclduing a home run) in his last start against a Chicago White Sox team that ranks 29th in hits and 28th in runs scored but, ya know, he really is a legend.
11-time All-Star. 3 Cy Young trophies. He had the lowest ERA 5 times in his career.
He was so fucking dominant in 2014 that he won the MVP, a trophy only really given to hitters.
If you feel like Clayton Kershaw is getting special treatment, you’re right.
He is special.
Thanks for reading.
Let me know your thoughts on the 2025 MLB All-Star team, leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
