NFL Week 6 was the week of blowouts as the great teams ascended while the bad teams got dogwalked all day long.
I’m writing this shortly after watching my beloved New York Giants play Russian Roulette against the Cincinnati Bengals all night until they eventually couldn’t keep converting nonstop 4th downs. i will take this pain out on Trevor Lawrence.
Here are your NFL Week 6 Awards:
The Disaster Class Award: Dallas Cowboys
The Detroit Lions beat the dogshit out of the Dallas Cowboys.
Dallas just lost 47-9 at home, giving up 492 yards and looking like a team that hadn’t considered practicing all week.
I reckon the Cowboys defense was supposed to struggle without Micah Parsons and Daron Bland. Perhaps if the 2 All-Pros were playing, Detroit would’ve only scored 40.
Their thin defense aside, the Dallas Cowboys cannot figure out how to run the play, gaining just 53 yards on the ground. Dallas has been held to under 100 rush yards in 4 of their first 6 games. Ezekiel Elliot has fewer yards per attempt than 40-year-old Aaron Rodgers.
Also doesn’t help when you make your quarterback the highest-paid ever and he plays catch with the opposing team’s safety.
“Dak Prescott isn’t the problem.”
Dak Prescott: pic.twitter.com/PODm6Drpke
— Playmaker TD 🏈 (@playmakerTD) October 13, 2024
Mike McCarthy will pay for his sins.
The “He Cant Keep Getting Away With This” Award: Keenan Allen
Keenan Allen has been good since he was on the Chargers. The San Diego Chargers. He was drafted by the Chargers the same year as Manti Te’o. Keenan Allen is old as hell.
shoutout the 18% of people that started Keenan Allen this week pic.twitter.com/FG79iiUCxa
— NFL Fantasy Football (@NFLFantasy) October 13, 2024
And it doesn’t matter because he’s still a certified bucket-getter. Allen grabbed 2 touchdowns across the pond. The traditional power forward lives on.
The “Start Stealing From Work” Award: Antonio Pierce
I knew the Raiders would be bad, ya know, with their overall lack of talent.
No team going into the season with Gardner Minshew as their QB1 should be emailing the city to plan their Super Bowl parade routes.
But this team is super ass.
The Pittsburgh Steelers just blew them out 32-13. It was as if the Raiders boat sprung a leak and everyone on the team helped out by drilling more holes.
Las Vegas committed 4 turnovers (one blocked punt, two fumbles, one interception) and had some backbreaking penalties.
“O’Connell, delivers it downfield and he delivers it to the other team…The wheels have come off for the Raiders.”
Ian Eagle on the call for Donte Jackson’s interception of Aidan O’Connell.
One play later, the Steelers were in the end zone. pic.twitter.com/esq6TKoBb0
— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) October 13, 2024
Why is Aidan O’Connell playing in the NFL?
This is when Antonio Pierce should start seeing what he can take home before the Raiders give him the Robert Saleh treatment and escort him off the premises on a random Monday. Bring an empty duffle bag with you and take whatever fits.
Maxx Crosby pushing a coach in a crucial catch shirt. The RAIDERS are back!!!! pic.twitter.com/k3IY1wbhiJ
— ThatsGoodSports (@BrandonPerna) October 13, 2024
It’s over.
The Red Zone MVP Award: Jordan Love
Here’s what Jordan Love did to the Cardinals offense in Green Bay’s 34-13 win:
- 22-for-32
- 258 yards
- 4 touchdowns
just the most Jordan Love shit imaginable pic.twitter.com/082LhichWv
— Christian D’Andrea (@TrainIsland) October 13, 2024
Jordan Love is The One, capable of being reality to his whim.
Anytime the Packers are in the 1pm slot, you can expect NFL Redzone to frequently cut to Jordan Love throwing a ball off his back foot that lands 50 yards in the back of the endzone where only his wide receiver can come down with it.
Love’s 12 passing touchdowns are 2nd in the league right now and if Green Bay can win a STACKED NFC North, Jordan Love is taking home an MVP trophy.
The Carson Wentz Award For Cartoonish Hijinks: Will Levis
The Titans bye week was tough. Too many QBs going out there and like, producing at a high level. Disgusting.
Thankfully, Will Levis was back in action this week, throwing a nice little touch pass in the end zone to Nick Westbrook-Ikhine before once again doing what he does best: chaotic nonsense.
Here he is sprinting full speed into the ACL of a random ball boy on the sidelines:
Will Levis torpedoed himself into a civilians ACL pic.twitter.com/VdwvZBTwA8
— Dead Serious (@Deadseriousness) October 13, 2024
They don’t make these types of QBs anymore, man. Guys who have no real body control—turning into Bambi on the frozen lake whenever they’re put under any pressure.
The “GET OUT OF HERE” Award: Trevor Lawrence
Enough of this shit.
Caleb Williams, the current no. 1 overall pick, just scored 4 touchdowns while Trevor Lawrence ended most of his drives jogging through the punt team coming onto the field.
Drake Maye made his NFL debut today. He threw 3 touchdown passes and had a larger impact on his team than Lawrence ever feels to have on his.
I know the Jaguars front office sucks. Doug Pederson has only been good once in his career and he’s been living off the success of that Eagles Super Bowl for far too long.
But Philip Rivers played for some trash front offices and weird coaching staffs—still won exponentially more games than Lawrence who was supposed to be the greatest prospect ever and plays like he’s being forced to do so against his will.
Maybe he needs a Sean McVay figure to save him like McVay did with Jared Goff but it would be nice if the No. 1 overall pick was the guy doing the saving.
Beat it, Trevor. Let Mac Jones go out there and suck.
Biggest Winner: Russell Wilson
Russell Wilson has been suuuuper quiet about not starting for the Pittsburgh Steelers. This man has never been this quiet.
Interesting.
Wilson is in the perfect position at this point in his career. He gets to suit up every week, serving as some hypothetical season-saver if Justin Fields starts to fail and he doesn’t have to ever actually get on the field to show everyone how washed he is. His check clears regardless.
If Justin Fields had a bad game against the Las Vegas Raiders, Russ was 1000% getting thrown into the starting lineup. But Fields came threw with 2 rushing touchdowns as the Steelers left Vegas with a 32-13 victory.
The fake. The run. The score.
Justin Fields takes it himself to extend the @Steelers lead!
📺: #PITvsLV on CBS/Paramount+
📱: https://t.co/waVpO8ZBqG pic.twitter.com/qjlIx1oZKG— NFL (@NFL) October 13, 2024
No matter what, Russ’s direct deposit hits every Friday. Do your thing, Justin.
Biggest Loser: Saquon Barkley
The Philadelphia Eagles narrowly escaped a Cleveland Browns team that plays as if they spend the week breaking down Three Stooges film, mastering their slapstick shenanigans. Saquon Barkley rushed for only 47 yards on 18 carries.
Myles Garrett tackles @saquon Barkley in the backfield pic.twitter.com/rfK6N2WOjB
— DIE-HARD 🦅 REALTOR® (@Eaglesfans9) October 13, 2024
The Browns had hands and feet on Barkley as soon as the ball touched his flesh.
But my favorite play from Saquon was this 2nd and 1 where he caught the ball is open space for the first time all game and rushed to the sidelines to avoid contact instead of getting the ONE YARD he needed.
Jalen Hurts to @saquon Barkley, who thought he had the sticks. No bueno. pic.twitter.com/gESzbmxaQF
— DIE-HARD 🦅 REALTOR® (@Eaglesfans9) October 13, 2024
Saquon Barkley may have left a losing organization but he brought that stinky loser energy with him up the turnpike.
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