in Featured, NFL

2024 NFL Week 2 Awards

From Bryce Young holding back tears to the Saints running teams out of the gym, here are your NFL Week 2 Awards

nfl week 2

NFL Week 2 was chaos. Two weeks into the 2024 NFL season and I have no idea what is going on. The Kansas City Chiefs are pretty good, believe it or not, but the rest of the NFL is a mystery.

But in the chaos rises champions. Winners. Award winners to be more specific. So let’s hand out random awards to some players and coaches who stood out on Sunday.

Here are your NFL Week 2 awards:

The Disaster Class Award: Dallas Cowboys

nfl week 2

Week 1, the Dallas Cowboys dragged the Cleveland Browns up and down the field, with a 33-17 annihilation.

This week, the Saints came marching in and all over the Cowboys as New Orleans won 44-19 in a straight-up assault. The Cowboys got jumped into a gang.

Dallas gave up 35 points in the first half, tied for the most points they’ve given up in a first half in franchise history.

Last week, I gave DeMarcus Lawrence the “He Can’t Keep Getting Away With This” Award but he and the entire Dallas pass rush was a non-factor. They only created 6 pressures on 17 Derek Carr dropbacks—their 4th lowest pass rush rate since the start of last season.

Last week, Dak Prescott became the highest-paid quarterback in NFL history. This week, he did this:

As much as I love shitting on the Dallas Cowboys, this may say more about how other-worldly the New Orleans Saints are so far this season and the NFL should look into the witchcraft required to make Derek Carr look like an MVP candidate. I need a full grand jury investigation.

 

The Red Zone MVP Award: Kyler Murray

Kyler Murray was 17-for-21 (80%) for 266 yards and 3 touchdowns. Also ran for 59 yards, including a huge 26-yard burst just doing whatever he wanted against the Los Angeles Rams defense.

Kyler Murray was the 2nd player in NFL history with 250+ passing yards, 50+ rushing yards and a 158.3 passer rating since 1974. Shout out Ken Anderson.

Any time Red Zone cuts to the Cardinals, you are about to witness something unfathomable as Kyler plays dodgeball in the backfield before unloading a bomb to Marvin Harrison Jr who is somewhere off-camera and suddenly pops into the frame with the ball dropping perfectly into his lap.

The “Please Don’t Murder Your Loved Ones” Award: Tua Tagovailoa

Hey, man. I can’t keep watching Tua Tagovailoa lose consciousness on national television every like, 15 months. On Thursday night, Tua attempted to keep the ball and convert a 4th down rushing the ball himself but awkwardly tumbled, neck-first, into Damar Hamlin resulting in another obvious concussion.

We’ve seen NFL players suffer from CTE and commit horrible atrocities. Maybe it’s time for Tua to go be a family man before he keeps breaking his brain and murders his family, man.

The “How Much Did You Learn From Liberty University?” Award

After Jordan Love suffered a leg injury in the Packers season opener in Brazil, Malik Willis had the massive burden on replacing one of the top young stars in this league. Thanks mostly to Josh Jacobs and the run game, Green Bay was able to beat the Indianapolis Colts 16-10.

And Malik Willis wasn’t too shabby out there.

He was 12-for-14 passing with 122 yards and a touchdown.

But before I give him praise, I have to ask how much he absorbed from attending Liberty University, a college essentially owned and operated by The Righteous Gemstones. The super evangelical Christian Academy where drinking alcohol will get you kicked off campus but sexual assault, eh, she’s probably lying.

Let’s pray Malik Willis is learning more from Matt LaFleur than he did from Jerry Falwell Jr.

The “He Can’t Keep Getting Away With This” Award: Derek Carr

Derek Carr is hitting the Michael Jackson celly??

Nah, fuck this.

Restart the season.

Am I really watching a Derek Carr-led offense drop 40+ points in back-to-back weeks???

For his entire career, Carr has been a milquetoast, middle-of-the-road, loser, incapable of elevating his level of play to get his teams over the hump and all of a sudden he’s dropping 40 points a game and dancing in the endzone, like, he’s directly taunting me.

Derek Carr can’t keep getting away with this.

I don’t care about Klint Kubiak and his brand new little offensive scheme.

No.

The NFL will figure this out and Carr will return to the try-hard, milk-drinker we all know him to be.

 

The “Ex Who Is Dating Someone WAY Hotter Than You Award: Xavier McKinney

I’ve been silent on the Giants letting safety Xavier McKinney leave in free agency.

McKinney was injured every other season and wasn’t on the field enough for me to develop a strong relationship with him but of course he signed with Green Bay and suddenly became a Top 5 defensive back in the NFL.

McKinney has an interception in every game so far.

I am SO fucking happy for you. Yay.

The Carson Wentz Award For Cartoonish Hijinks: Will Levis

For the second week in a row, Will Levis committed one of the most hilarious turnovers you will ever see.

This time, in the red zone with the Titans in position to get a two-score lead over the New York Jets, Levis chucked a surprise shovel pass while tripping over his own cleats, resulting in a disgusting fumble.

Carson Wentz would be proud. Will Levis keeps this up and I’ll have to re-name this award after him.

The “Hey, Football’s On, We Don’t Care” Award: Donald Trump

On Sunday morning, Donald Trump posted that he hates Taylor Swift.

Later that afternoon someone else tried to assassinate him while Taylor was watching her Chiefs beat the Cincinnati Bengals.

Last time Trump was shot at, dorks celebrated his little photo-op with the American flag behind him and attempted to make him a heroic figure for narrowly surviving a tiny cut on his ear and now, during NFL Sunday, a second shooter tries to finish the job and no one batted an eye.

Remember when Trump was president and they tried to boycott the NFL because Colin Kaepernick? Yea, that didn’t happen.

Everyone is still watching the NFL and no one gives a shit that Trump is target practice.

Oh Trump was shot at again? Too busy watching Malik Nabers become a star.

The “Get OUT OF HERE” Award: Bryce Young

The NFL is hard.

Grown ass men with wives and kids and pains and aches and mortgages.

You can’t be the size of a 9th grader with the arm talent of a 9th grader and the athleticism of a kindergartener and expect to succeed in this league.

Bryce Young completed 18 passes for just 84 yards. That feels impossible.

After the game, reporters asked Bryce about his confidence to which he replied his “confidence is in the Lord“.

It is so over. My man is letting Jesus take the wheel and Jesus can’t stop getting sacked on 3rd and long.

Get Bryce Young OUT of here.

We can blame the Carolina Panthers organization for their lack of structure and blah blah but man, Bryce can’t even see over his own offensive line.

GET OUT OF HERE.

Most Washed: Doug Pederson

I’m dangerously close to looking at Trevor Lawrence sideways.

He feels like he’s missing that gene that allows him to make those 1 or 2 extra plays that give his team the win.

He can throw a football anywhere he wants but so could Trent Green or Jay Cutler.

I’m not sure he can just make a magical first down appear when the Jags are in 3rd and long and desperately need to stay on the field.

But I don’t want that to distract anyone from how washed Doug Pederson is.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are 0-2 now after losing to DESHAUN WATSON and the Cleveland Browns, 18-13.

I have no idea if Trevor Lawrence is capable of these big plays because Doug Pederson doesn’t let him. Jacksonville went into halftime with Lawrence averaging 1.5 yards per attempt.

Pederson’s masterful playcalling shined at the end of this game.

With 1:44 left and the Jags down 3, Jacksonville started their final drive on their own 1-yard line.

Naturally, Pederson called for a deep pass, making his QB drop back into his own endzone, having to wait for routes to develop downfield against one of the best defensive lines in the NFL.

It was a safety. Duh.

Doug Pederson won 1 Super Bowl and forgot how to win NFL games.

Biggest Balls: Gardner Minshew

Gardner Minshew led the Las Vegas Raiders into Baltimore and outplayed Lamar Jackson for the 26-23 victory. Minshew was 30-for-38 with 276 yards, 1 touchdown and a 94.7 passer rating.

It’s not a fluke anymore. Wherever Gardner goes, he wins games. Two weeks into the 2024 NFL season and Minshew leads the league in completion percentage (77.5%) and he’s 2nd in yards (533).

We all thought Davante Adams would be a waste in this offense, inevitably being moved at the trade deadline as the Raiders tank. Nope. He and Minshew are doing just fine as Davante finished with 9 catches for 110 yards and a touchdown.

Biggest Coward: Sean Payton

2024 nfl draft

Last week’s biggest scammer was Bo Nix as he received a ton of praise for a pedestrian performance but this week, there is no love for Nix as he threw 2 disgusting-looking interceptions directly to defenders in Denver’s 6-13 loss to Pittsburgh.

At one point, Bo got sacked by TJ Watt without TJ Watt even touching him…

His mediocrity defies physics.

But it’s Sean Payton who’s to blame for Nix. The same Sean Payton who went on a victory tour, bragging about tricking teams so that Bo Nix would land in Denver as if he was this puppet master playing 3D chess.

The same puppet master with 1:54 left in the game and only one timeout in his pocket, elected not to go for an on-side kick in a one-score game.

Gotta love when your head coach is a coward and isn’t doing whatever it takes to win games. I’m sure those Broncos players are inspired by Payton’s love of Nix’s bitch ass and their shared reluctance to take risks.

Biggest Winner: 2018 QB Class

Lamar Jackson has 2 MVPs and Josh Allen is, at worst, the third-best quarterback in the NFL. But before this season, the rest of their draft class wasn’t holding their weight.

Sam Darnold went 17-for-26 with 268 yards and 2 touchdowns, including a 97-YARDER TO JUSTIN JEFFERSON as the Vikings beat the 49ers.

Baker Mayfield went to Detroit and took a W off a Super Bowl candidate. Not only did Baker get a touchdown pass but a defender in a blender.

And I hear Josh Rosen is like, crushing the Wendy’s lunch shift. Employee of the month soon cometh.

Biggest Loser: Kansas City Chiefs conspiracy theorists

nfl head coaches

Whenever the Kansas City Chiefs play football, they make the news.

Whether it’s people dissecting Taylor Swift’s relationship with Brittany Mahomes or their kicker going on a college tour to tell students that women are only good for one thing and it rhymes with schmanal sex.

The Kansas City Chiefs play under a national microscope and it may feel as though they get a ton of extra calls in their favor but the pass interference in their win over the Bengals was not the work of the NFL rigging games in their favor.

But this is just fucking pass interference—the textbook definition of it.

Complaining about the refs is the least enjoyable way to watch sports. If you don’t like when teams commit penalties then you should be mad at the players committing penalties, ya know, like this egregious pass interference at the end of this game.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Let me know what awards to give out next week.  Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. 

 

Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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