thelesterlee
We’ve finally made it to opening day. We made it through the annoying World Baseball Classic discourse, the complaints about rules that no one will even notice and whatever the hell Carlos Correa was doing this offseason.
Here are your opening day MLB Power Rankings:
1. San Diego Padres
Perhaps I am over ranking the Padres and I’m being tricked by the number of players on this team who have baseball cards worth more than anything I own but any team that has the genius idea of accumulating every Hall of Fame shortstop they can get their hands on deserves recognition.
Manny Machado is coming off a 2nd place MVP season. Juan Soto has his first full season in San Diego. Fernando Tatis serves the final 20 games of his HGH suspension before he gets to come back juiced up ready to go. Xander Bogaerts might be the biggest steal of free agency. Oh, and they just have Matt Carpenter and Nelson Cruz as their DHs. This team might break single-season scoring records.
And we already know Josh Hader don’t give a damn.
2. New York Mets
The Mets are probably the best team in baseball but I refuse to start my 2023 with Justin Verlander praise. I am patiently waiting for this 40-year-old to, ya know, look like a 40-year old but knowing Verlander, he’s going to have a Cy Young season and he’s going to beat my ass on the subway.
I reckon the big question mark is Kodai Senga. You never know if these guys are going to become Masahiro Tanaka or Kei Igawa. Remember when the Yankees got Hideki Matsui and the Mets got Kazuo Matsui? Astronomically different results.
You could pencil the Mets into the World Series if they signed Carlos Correa but alas…
3. Atlanta Braves
Two years ago the Braves won the World Series. They essentially still have the same exact roster and only lost in the NLDS last season because Bryce Harper blacked out and channeled his inner Barry Bonds.
Yesterday I wrote my award predictions and forgot the Braves existed. Ronald Acuna Jr and Max Fried could easily have the best seasons at their positions. The bottom of their lineup has some head-scratchers but it doesn’t really matter when the top of the lineup has Matt Olson and Austin Riley.
Also, fuck Marcell Ozuna.
4. Philadelphia Phillies
The Phillies are a difficult team to rank because Bryce Harper is missing half the season recovering from Tommy John season. I also just realized as I was researching for these power rankings that Rhys Hoskins is getting his torn ACL repaired literally TODAY.
Actually, as I’m writing this I’m realizing that I definitely have the Phillies too high on this list. Especially considering they only won 87 games last season and their two biggest bats are MIA for most of this year.
I guess Deadseriousness is a huge Aaron Nola fan site.
5. New York Yankees
This is the first and final time this year that I pretend to be objective about the Yankees. The only reason the Yankees aren’t no. 1 on this list is their insistence on acquiring the most injury-prone players they can find. Frankie Montas, Luis Severino, Carlos Rodon, Lou Trivino and Scott Effross are all on the injured list. The team is one injury away from me going out there and pitching the 6th inning.
Aaron Judge had one of the greatest offensive seasons in MLB history. Then he got one of the biggest contracts in MLB history. He’s not going to be anywhere near as potent as he did last year and his bat carried the Yankees.
Just cannot wait for Josh Donaldson to call a random Spanish player “Roberto Alomar” and then pretend like he’s not racist again.
6. St. Louis Cardinals
Paul Goldschmidt is the best player in baseball and has quietly been for a few years now. I’m glad my guy finally won the NL MVP award after being in the Top 10 every single year. The combo of Goldschmidt and Nolan Arenado makes them one of the most dangerous lineups in baseball.
Shout out to my boy Jordan Walker who is about to win the Rookie of the Year award MASHING bombs left and right all year. Yadier Molina may be retired but they have a new homegrown stud to build around in Walker.
The NL Central stinks. The Cardinals are going to get so many easy wins pounding on the Pirates and Reds.
7. Los Angeles Dodgers
The last time Mookie Betts and JD Martinez played together, they won a World Series. They are reuniting in LA this season. Hm. Makes you think.
The Dodgers had an interesting offseason losing guys like Justin Turner and Cody Bellinger who have been a part of their core for years but sometimes, change is good. Change is necessary. Let’s see if Miguel Rojas and Jason Heyward can fill the void of Bellinger’s bajillion strikeouts a year.
The Dodgers success is dependent on Clayton Kershaw and Noah Syndergaard staying healthy and pitching as well as they used to. I don’t see that happening…
8. Toronto Blue Jays
The Blue Jays might have the best starting rotation and that’s with Hyun Jin Ryu out recovering from Tommy John surgery. That Alex Manoah, Kevin Guasman, Chris Bassit 1-2-3 combo is dangerous as hell. And then Jose Berrios is just waiting for you as their 4th starter.
But knowing how my predictions go, the Blue Jays will start the season 0-4 and their starters will have a combined 29.00 ERA.
In 2021, Vladdy Guerrero had the best season of his career so perhaps it’s unfair to point out how much he fell off in 2022 but if he can find the sweet spot and the median between those two seasons then he is going to be an MVP candidate again.
9. Seattle Mariners
I haven’t had the opportunity to write about Julio Rodriguez yet but allow me to spread my wings on this a bit.
Today is a good day, Julio Rodriguez plays baseball.
pic.twitter.com/deT6YR0wft— Logan’s League (@LogansLeague) March 30, 2023
Julio Rodriguez is a 22-year old PHENOM who seemingly manifested himself in Seattle out of nowhere like when you play MLB The Show Franchise mode and you’re like, 15 years in and all of the current players are retired so the computer generates a bunch of random players.
Rodriguez was the Rookie of the Year who also made the All-Star team in his first big league season as well as receiving a Silver Slugger award and finishing 7th in AL MVP voting. He had 35 homers to go with 28 stolen bases. He was one of the best defensive outfielders. And again, he’s 22.
Julio Rodriguez might win the MVP this season and carry the Mariners on his back.
10. Tampa Bay Rays
I will not sit here and write glowingly about any players on the Devil Rays knowing damn well they will all be traded for prospects at the deadline because this organization refuses to pay players what they deserve. I’ll discuss these players when they’re on their new teams in 5 months.
11. Minnesota Twins
The Twins might be a little high on these power rankings but when you steal Carlos Correa from the guy who owns the Mets whose claim to fame is participating in some of the most blatant insider trading ever and should 1000% be behind bars right now, you get to be near the Top 10.
Minnesota would comfortably be in the Top 10 if they also didn’t acquire Joey Gallo. That man is a walking 20-25 losses.
12. Milwaukee Brewers
There’s a very strong chance the Brewers have the best pitcher in baseball. Corbin Burnes won the 2021 NL Cy Young and followed that year up by leading the league in strikeouts in 2022. And once Burnes is done suffocating you, you have to deal with Brandon Woodruff the next day.
And while the pitchers are sitting on your chest completely muting your favorite teams bats, the Brewers lineup is stuffed with 30 home run hitters in Rowdy Tellez, Willy Adames and Christian Yelich is still on this roster doing stuff sometimes.
13. Cleveland Guardians
The other day I was talking to a boomer and they were like ‘can you believe Cleveland changed their names to the Guardians?” and I was like “Yea haha I know. What a lame name” and he was like “Yea, what was so wrong with Indians? It’s all woke bullshit” and then I pretended to walk to the bathroom but I actually snuck out the back door and left.
14. Los Angeles Angels
This team has Shohei Ohtani, Mike Trout and Anthony Rendon…and they’re going to win like, 76 games. It’s insane this team had more success with Troy Glaus, Adam Kennedy and Chone Figgins.
15. Texas Rangers
The Rangers burned down their front office after spending a bajillion dollars last offseason and only winning 68 games. Now they have Hall of Fame manager, Bruce Bochy, in house and the greatest pitcher of our generation—Jacob deGrom.
16. Chicago Cubs
Cody Bellinger was one of my favorite players in baseball and now he’s some scrub who the Cubs took a flyer on this offseason. If he looks anything like his old 2019 NL MVP self then the Cubs will shoot up these power rankings and maybe I’ll write more than 2 sentences about them.
17. San Francisco Giants
Man, imagine how optimistic Giants fans would be if they landed Aaron Judge or Carlos Correa in the offseason. Welp, at least fans can get excited about *squints* Mike Comforto. Ok.
18. Arizona Diamondbacks
This season is about witnessing Corbin Carroll become a star in this league. There should be no other expectations.
19. Baltimore Orioles
There are people who genuinely believe the Baltimore Orioles will make the playoffs this season. I, too, enjoy making shit up and lying for attention.
20. Boston Red Sox
I still have no idea what this team’s plan is. They trade away Mookie Betts and let Xander Bogaerts leave in free agency as they cry poverty and then immediately give Rafael Devers one of the biggest contracts ever. The Red Sox are sick and I hope they find the help they desperately need.
21. Chicago White Sox
The White Sox start their season facing off against Joe Abreu—the guy who’s been their best hitter for the last half decade—so they will immediately get their asses beat by their own stubbornness and unwillingness to spend and truly compete.
22. Miami Marlins
Free Sandy Alcantara and Jazz Chisholm.
23. Cincinnati Reds
Shout out my guy, Votto.
24. Pittsburgh Pirates
I was so ready to put the Pirates at the bottom of this list but they actually went out there and gave some guys money. Andrew McCutchen, Carlos Santana and Ji-Man Choi got new contracts. The cheapest team in the league must’ve found a $20 bill in an old jacket pocket.
25. Kansas City Royals
Did you really come here for my Kansas City Royals takes? Seriously, I’m asking. If you did, reach out to me I will do a deep dive specifically for you. Otherwise, onto the next team.
26. Colorado Rockies
I’m looking at the Colorado Rockies roster for the first time in like, 2 years. I do not recommend it.
27. Detroit Tigers
Did you know Miguel Cabrera is STILL here?!?! Man must hate his family.
28. Washington Nationals
I love that the Nationals plan after Bryce Harper was Juan Soto and their plan after Juan Soto was…asphyxiation(?)
29. Oakland A’s
The Athletics are slowly bidding their time until they can snuck off and relocate to Las Vegas while their fans are asleep like a deadbeat dad who met a stripper he really liked in 2002 and has secretly been planning a life with her while mom was making the kids breakfast every morning.
30. Houston Astros
Fuck the Houston Astros. I cannot stress that enough.
