Hey, everyone’s going through something.
We’re all in constant battles.
It’s hard out here for a pimp.
And it’s also hard for the hoes, of course.
The Johns probably have a lot they’re working out as well.
We don’t kink shame here but I know they’d be happier spending their money elsewhere.
Go find love.
It’s wonderful.
Anyway, NFL Quarterbacks enter each NFL season with new battles they must overcome.
Whether those battles are against the other QBs in their lockeroom or they’re facing external pressures—let’s talk about the 20 biggest quarterback battles heading into the 2025 NFL season:
1. Anthony Richardson vs. Daniel Jones
Pacers fans better enjoy that NBA Finals run, ODing the fun way before the Colts season starts and they OD the sad way.
Richardson’s rookie season was mismanaged.
He was allowedto play shortly after injuring his ribs—being thrown to the wolves when he didn’t look physically ready to play a full-contact sport and didn’t seem to know how to play football.
He was then benched for Joe Flacco and put back in the lineup when the Colts remembered Joe Flacco sees double coverage as a personal challenge—a challenge he frequently loses.
At one point last season, Anthony Richardson benched himself in the middle of a drive because he was tired.
In 11 games, Richardson threw 8 touchdowns to 12 interceptions—but at only 23 years old, Indianapolis is hoping to see more of this shit:
ANTHONY RICHARDSON 60-YARD DIME TO ALEC PIERCE.
📺: #HOUvsIND on CBS/Paramount+
📱: https://t.co/waVpO909ge pic.twitter.com/p0xddm5Kl1— NFL (@NFL) September 8, 2024
Unfortunately for Indianapolis, he’s more likely to do shit like this:
Anthony Richardson technically threw another touchdown pass sooo pic.twitter.com/KRiHPM4Osm
— Dead Serious (@Deadseriousness) August 23, 2024
Which is why they brought in Minnesota Vikings legend, Daniel Jones.
Daniel Jones has played 70 career games and has 50 career fumbles.
Both of these imbeciles will get an opportunity to start games for the Colts this season.
The real question is: Who will commit the most turnovers?
Jones and Richardson are injury-prone, interception gift-givers who don’t know how to read a defense and don’t know how to slide to avoid linebackers sending them to the Upside Down.
The 2025 Indianapolis Colts are going to be hilarious.
2. Aaron Rodgers vs. Podcast Mics
The New York Jets cancelled Aaron Rodgers.
The 4-Time MVP was fired for refusing to stop podcasting.
Shout out to Aaron Glenn for starting the Jets off on a strong “no running for Vice President” policy.
Aaron said he joined the Pittsburgh Steelers because it was good for his soul or whatever Chicken Noodle Soup teen book he recently read, tripping on DMT in a Central American rain forest.
There will be problems.
The Steelers are not going 17-0.
Let’s see how long it’ll take Aaron before he’s zooming into the Pat McAfee Show to say “some guys only care about the gym but they’re not putting the work in on the field” as ESPN plays DK Metcalf highlights while he speaks so the audience knows exactly who he’s complaining about.
These Joe Rogan/Alex Jones dorky conspiracy pods work best when a Democrat is in office—allowing them to complain about the entire world crumbling because they’re not allowed to use slurs online anymore—so maybe Donald Trump’s presidency will calm Rodgers.
His guy RFK is in a position of power to make all the dumb changes he wants—like removing 5G out of our chicken or whatever the fuck but knowing Rodgers, he’ll find a blemish to highlight and groan about. I’m actually anticipating a flat-earther arc for Rodgers so keep an eye on that.
(This article has been sitting in my drafts long before all the reports of Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump being pedo besties. Aaron Rodgers is 1000% losing to podcast mics this season.)
That man will not be happy until he gets his own island and starts running his own “Most Dangerous Game” on unsuspecting civilians he deems “too woke” to live. Hosted by Mr. Beast and sponsored by Hawk Tuah coin.
3. Tua Tagovailoa vs. The Pearly Gates
Tua Tagovailoa has suffered at least 4 concussions, that we know of.
Tua suffered a traumatic brain injury on this play, no question. His right arm shows the “fencing posture” indicating loss of consciousness & is on the severe end on the #concussion spectrum. He is done for the night and must miss the next game.pic.twitter.com/3Ur62QfBLH
— Chris Nowinski, Ph.D. (@ChrisNowinski1) September 13, 2024
Once a year, Tua’s head snapbacks, his body convulses and he wakes up in the back of an ambulance with no idea what just happened to him while Dolphins fans awkwardly watch the remaining hour of football as if they didn’t witness a man die in the middle of the field and come back to life like Beric Dondarrion being revived by the God of light.
Two years ago, Miami had the 2nd-best offense in the NFL—embarrassing opposing defenses on a weekly basis.
Not a coincidence that Miami’s best season was the one in which Tua played all 17 games without his brain leaking out of his ears.
If Tua stays on the field, the Dolphins are a playoff team.
If he leaves on a stretcher, it’s over, for both Miami and Tua.
4. Josh Allen vs. Patrick Mahomes
Hey man, at a certain point, Josh Allen has to beat Patrick Mahomes in the playoffs.
Like, last season’s 30-21 victory over the Chiefs in Week 11 was cool and all. Buffalo won a home game in November.
JOSH. ALLEN. GREATNESS.
📺: #KCvsBUF on CBS/Paramount+
📱: https://t.co/waVpO8ZBqG pic.twitter.com/3HyIoDCaAC— NFL (@NFL) November 18, 2024
That 26-yard touchdown run was fire. Can’t lie. Josh Allen is a beast.
But the Bills season inevitably ended with a loss to Kansas City in the AFC Championship game.
Don’t think this pressure only goes one way.
At some point, Patrick Mahomes will lose playoff games and people will be thrilled.
Josh Allen needs to hope that the inevitable Chiefs loss happens against the Bills and not Joe Burrow and the boys again.
Again, this article has been in the drafts for a while—before all of these QB tier lists came out. Josh Allen is almost unanimously being treated like the best QB in the NFL. NFL analysts are setting up Josh Allen to have a brutal fall.
I feel like we’re all forgetting how willing this man is to just close his eyes and chuck that bitch directly into the arms of a waiting safety.
#PrayForJoshAllen
5. Russell Wilson vs. Jaxson Dart
I’ve watched every touchdown pass Jaxson Dart has ever thrown.
I’m combing through tape, preparing for the GOAT to take his rightful seat on the throne.
I am putting every single egg I have into the Jaxson Dart basket.
Do you understand how expensive eggs are these days?
But I don’t think Russell Wilson is just rolling over and handing the starting job to the rook.
Russell Wilson has EXCELLENT ball placement pic.twitter.com/lotVpy7rjC
— Zain (@ThisIsNotZain) June 9, 2025
Russ may be a coward, terrified of contact—who throws the ball away instead of taking risks like he used to back when he wasn’t an elderly social media influencer—but he still had a better 2024 season than any QB in a Giants uniform.
Russell Wilson will be the QB1 when the season starts but how long can he hold off the Prince Who Was Promised?
Is that too many Game of Thrones references?
I’m doing a re-watch right now and all I can think about is dragons.
Dragons and Jaxson Dart.
6. Brady Cook vs. Adrian Martinez
This one is a little niche. This one is a deep cut.
This is for the sickos.
But walk with me as we discuss the competition for the opportunity to become the 3rd string QB for the New York Jets.
Brady Cook is a 23-year-old undrafted rookie out of Missouri.
Cook in an interesting cat.
The St. Louis native committed to Missouri in his sophomore high school season. 15 years old, Brady said he’s only playing for Missouri.
He worked his ass off to achieve his goals and ended up making history with 2nd round wide receiver, Luther Burden III, as the third QB/WR duo to combine for 20 touchdowns.
He is in the Mizzou record books with Chase Daniel—a quarterback who was never good enough to be an NFL starter.
Despite being the QB responsible for Luther Burden being a projected 1st round receiver, Cook wasn’t invited to participate in the Senior Bowl after the 2024 season.
Instead, Cook went to the Hula Bowl and Shrine Bowl.
And although those games sound significantly less important than the Senior Bowl—we’ve seen some decent players win MVP at this event and go on to successful NFL careers.
Wes Welker was a Hula Bowl MVP.
Jimmy Garrapolo was a Shrine Bowl MVP.
They’ve both played in Super Bowls.
Doesn’t totally matter for Cook, though, because he sucked in those games.
Hula Bowl:
- 2-for-10 passing
- 1 interception
- 1 fumble
Shrine Bowl:
- 6-for-9 passing
- sacked twice
- fumble
But this isn’t about the next Jets franchise QB. This is about who will win that 3rd string spot.
Enter Adrian Martinez.
The 🐐 @TomBrady presents Adrian Martinez the UFL Championship MVP Trophy 🏆 pic.twitter.com/fU4g7MLhIu
— United Football League (@TheUFL) June 17, 2024
Last year, Adrian Martinez was the MVP of the UFL. He signed with the Jets at the end of last season and this training camp decides whether or not this young man is an NFL player or not.
But my relationship with Adrian Martinez goes back to 2018, when the freshman QB saved my beloved Nebraska Cornhuskers from another boring season.
Some of the best Saturdays of my shitty adult life.
Personally, I’m rooting for my guy Adrian but I understand neither of these quarterbacks are that good and if they’re playing NFL regular-season snaps for your team, then you need to spend your Sundays at church, repenting.
7. Drake Maye vs. Bo Nix vs. Michael Penix
These 3 QBs from the same 2024 draft class will forever be compared.
But one of them will enter the conversation between Jayden Daniels and Caleb Williams while the other two will have significantly less consistently impactful careers—requiring the rosters and coaching staff to perpetually exist for the sole purposes of maximizing their potential.
I’ve stopped listening to sports podcasts.
It felt like other people’s opinions were seeping into my brain and I wasn’t giving my actual thoughts anymore—just quickly chicken-stratching a book report on the bus, 15 minutes before I had to stand in front of the classroom.
But man, those podcasting motherfuckers loved them some Drake Maye.
If Jayden and Caleb become the Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson of their era (And I know Allen and Jackson aren’t even 30 yet but one day, they’ll just suddenly be older and slower and weaker and an elderly man will look back at me in the mirror), then who among these 3 will be their Joe Burrow?
I’m rooting for you, Michael Penix. Black actors gotta stick together.
8. Lamar Jackson vs. The Championship Round
They’re calling you James Harden, Lamar.
Come on, brother.
Lamar Jackson had last season’s MVP trophy stolen away from him because voters thought he’d once again struggle in the playoffs. Then Lamar once again struggled in the playoffs.
Jackson’s achieved everything he can in the regular season. He will go down as one of the greatest ever. But he’ll never make it in those Tom Brady/Patrick Mahomes conversations until he goes on a playoff run. If Joe fucking Flacco can do it, I have no reason to believe Lamar can’t.
9. Joe Flacco vs. Shedeur Sanders
From the moment the Baltimore Ravens drafted Lamar Jackson in 2018, Flacco made it clear his job wasn’t to prepare his replacement.
And from 2018 to now, Joe Flacco has almost made it clear that he cannot play 3 consecutive good football games without throwing the ball to other teams over and over again.
However, he’s competing for the starting job against a nepo baby with the self-awareness of a squirrel in traffic. Shedeur has the self-awareness of a Republican Senator “anonymously” using Grindr.
I have no idea if Shedeur is good enough to succeed in the NFL. But I do know his support system is a 40-year-old asshole who wants his job and Deshaun Watson, a sex offender.
Oh, and his dad—who helped orchestrate a false hype around his son that made Sheduer feel like he was too good to speak to NFL GMs.
The Cleveland Browns are depressing.
10. Trevor Lawrence vs. Inspiration
I need Trevor Lawrence to care about being great.
This will sound like hindsight, but I always believed Trevor Lawrence to be overrated. At Clemson, he played in a division with schools known for their basketball programs. He didn’t have to play top teams in the Championship games.
In the NFL, every single Sunday has the intensity and stakes of a College Championship game. And Trevor Lawrence looks disinterested in engaging with that intensity.
Keep that laid back, nonchalant cool shit at home, my guy.
Get fired up.
CARE.
I dare you.
11. Cam Ward vs. Will Levis
*whispers* I don’t think Cam Ward is that nice with it. Would it really shock you if Cam Ward had a season full of sitcom bloopers like Will Levis did last season, throwing interceptions as he trips over his untied shoelaces and trying to hurdle a safety but getting caught in midair and spinebustered to the turf?
#Titans QB Will Levis will undergo surgery on his throwing shoulder, sources say, ending his 2025 season. Surgery is July 29.
Levis has elected to have the procedure to ensure long-term health, based on medical opinions, one that should help him be ready for the 2026 season. pic.twitter.com/9ZGWqeGGt5
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) July 21, 2025
Nvm.
Ya know, I really gotta finish these articles I started.
I will not be backspacing any of this. Get well soon, Will.
12. CJ Stroud vs. Justin Herbert
I’m inventing a rivalry.
This is a Deadseriousness exclusive.
CJ Stroud vs. Justin Herbert is the next big thing.
Buy stock now.
You will never get a slicker snake oil than this.
I know CJ Stroud gets compared to Jordan Love often and I convinced myself Herbert and Trevor Lawrence were a thing after their 2022 playoff game—not realizing Trevor would never sniff the playoffs again—but the Texans and Chargers play Week 17, right at the end of the season in a game that will matter.
These teams are absolutely meeting in the Wild Card game again and I’m ready for Stroud and Herbert to slap box every year to determine who will be blessed with the opportunity to lose to the Chiefs.
13. Geno Smith vs. Tom Brady
Everything I read about the Raiders makes me think Tom Brady is at every practice, evaluating the quality of the long snapper and yelling at the groundscrew if a blade of grass is out of place. I’m sure Brady has already been hands-on with the concession staff, sticking thermometers into the hot dogs and shit.
I’m sure Brady thinks highly enough of Geno to allow him to be the starting quarterback of the team he owns a small, fractional percentage of.
I watched a 90-year-old Tom Brady wheelchair his way up and down the field to win a Super Bowl against Patrick Mahomes—the QB everyone was saying was better than him. His obsession with winning didn’t suddenly end. It is instead being passed down to Geno Smith—who, unfortunately, isn’t better than Tom Brady probably currently is.
14. Jalen Hurts vs. AJ Brown
AJ Brown can read his little self-help books and pay Tony Robbins to tell him he’s a lion and he can shout “SERENITY NOW” all he wants but at the end of the day, AJ wants the ball and Jalen Hurts does not want to throw him the ball.
Jalen Hurts wants to make the safest plays at all times and although AJ Brown thinks he’s always open, Jalen does not see the field the same way. He’d rather scramble for 2 yards and throw a screen to Saquon than risk a turnover.
That Super Bowl ring didn’t fix shit. AJ Brown leaves practice every day, pulling out his Jalen voodoo doll and putting pins in his face at every traffic light.
15. Sam Darnold vs. The Occult
I don’t know what to make of Sam Darnold’s 2024 with the Vikings.
He sucked his entire career.
At one point, he was so terrified he conjured spirits and ghosts.
And then he randomly transformed into a Top 5 quarterback but the Vikings elected to go with a guy who threw only 64 passes in his final year at college and then busted his ACL before his rookie season started.
Minnesota chose a guy who’s thrown a grand total of 161 passes in the last 4 years (Darnold threw 545 passes last season) over a guy who finished Top 10 in MVP voting.
I hope Sam Darnold is good.
Watching football is astronomically better when punters stay on the sidelines.
But I can’t help but think the specter of failure will be returning in Darnold’s ear. Wow, he’s just like me.
16. JJ McCarthy vs. Reality
JJ McCarthy sucks.
I want to be clear, I have no idea if Sam Darnold is good but I do know he’s good with the Vikings.
They won 14 games last season.
And now this kid JJ McCarthy—coming off a bum knee and an almost non-existent college career—is miraculously going to maintain that 14-win status?
JJ McCarthy with an UGLY interception 😬
— Polymarket Football (@PolymarketBlitz) August 10, 2024
What an insane amount of pressure to put on someone with very limited passing experience.
It’s like the 49ers cat-calling Trey Lance on the street and telling him to get into their limos because he’s the secret weapon to them winning a Super Bowl when he hardly ever played any football prior.
(I think Trey Lance is better than JJ McCarthy). Okay, yea, Deadseriousness is a JJ McCarthy hate page now. It’s official.
17. Bryce Young vs. Genetics
I want Bryce Young to succeed. He seems like a genuinely cool cat who doesn’t bother anybody and he’s capable of some electric plays (after he cut Andy Dalton’s car brakes.)
But I don’t know, man.
Bryce is itty bitty.
Young will be battling his genetics for the rest of his NFL career—which I’m not convinced will be a long one. Would it shock you if Micah Parsons hit him and he tore into two pieces, his torso and legs spraying across the field?
Bryce Young could be the ing of the short kings. But honestly, I don’t think you can succeed in the NFL when the tag on the back of your jersey has an S on it.
Thanks for reading.
What are your biggest quarterback battles for 2025? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
Comment 1
Tyler
August 26, 2025I don’t understand the Sam Darnold hate. He was a Top 5 QB last year..