thelesterlee
I had the 2024 NFL Draft playing on the laptop while the Knicks got physically manhandled by Joel Embiid and the Philadelphia 76ers. Fascinating night. On one hand, it’s always a warm feeling seeing these kids reach their dreams but it was mixed with my desire to throw Cam Payne into a volcano.
But once the game was out of hand, I was able to lock in and I’ve been thinking about Caleb Williams to Rome Odunze for the last 12 hours straight. For the first time in my life, I want to watch a Chicago Bears game. No offense to greats like Craig Krenzal and Rex Grossman.
Let’s start with the biggest winners of the 2024 NFL Draft:
1. Chicago Bears
The Chicago Bears are about to have a dynamic offense for the first time in the history of history. The last time this team made the Super Bowl was 2006. Their leading scorer was their punt returner. This organization has never considered playing modern football until now.
The NFC North is about to be a war zone. Detroit and Green Bay were already playoff teams last season. The Minnesota Vikings are playoff-ready depending on what Sam Darnold and/or JJ Mcarthy do with JUSTIN JEFFERSON.
And now the Chicago Bears have a super offense with the nail-painting phenom who will throw 300 yards on your favorite defense with Kylie Jenner’s lip gloss on.
2. Kayvon Thibodeaux, Micah Parsons and Josh Sweat
Jayden Daniels is a prolific scrambler. He’s already said he wants to be considered the best running QB in NFL history. Unfortunately, he also gets sacked. All of that is cute in college football but Daniels plays a little too much in the backfield for the speed of pass rushers in the big leagues.
College pressure to sack rates from recent quarterback prospects pic.twitter.com/SpQ8JejKyx
— Football Insights 📊 (@fball_insights) March 17, 2024
NFC East pass rushers are going to get fat off Jayden’s antics. Washington comes to town and it’s an All-Pro Edge showcase.
3. Kyler Murray
Regardless of who’s running the front office, the Arizona Cardinals have consistently given Kyler Murray a true No. 1 wide receiver and once again, they are providing their franchise QB with the tools he needs to succeed.
It’s crazy for this organization to go from Larry Fitzgerald to the son of a guy who by all accounts is the OPPOSITE of Larry Fitzgerald. I don’t want any smoke from Marvin Harrison Senior. I’m sure Marvin Harrison Junoir is a kind, respectful young man who has participated in significantly fewer drive-bys than his father.
4. Jim Harbaugh
“Offensive Linemen we look at as weapons. When we talk about attacking on offense… Offensive Line is the tip of the spear.”
– Jim Harbaugh pic.twitter.com/dxQoWzzOSc
— Coach Dan Casey (@CoachDanCasey) April 26, 2024
Weapons acquired.
5. Sean Payton
Let’s quickly look at the Denver Broncos quarterback room: Bo Nix, Zach Wilson, Jarrett Stidham, and Ben DiNucci. EW.
Sean Payton comes from this Jon Gruden school of believing they are offensive geniuses who can turn mediocre QBs into All-Stars. Gruden would much rather coach Brad Johnson or Bruce Gradkowski than Patrick Mahomes. It’s the art of team building exclusively to stroke your ego as opposed to actually winning football games.
And now Payton has been given his pick of a bunch of C- caliber guys. The Broncos will suck. Payton will get fired for something off the field related when things go well and he attempts to burn the building down to the ground—metaphorically OR literally.
6. Spencer Rattler
I’m sure Spencer Rattler feels like his career has gotten away from him.
Rattler was a 5-star recruit out of high school who committed to Oklahoma and had an opportunity to be groomed by Lincoln Riley. The Riley pipeline is undefeated in creating playoff-starting quarterbacks from Jalen Hurts to Kyler Murray to Baker Mayfield.
But it didn’t quite work out that way.
Lincoln Riley left Oklahoma, Rattler went to South Carolina and now he’s not even a first-rounder. And this is the best-case scenario for him. Drake Maye and Jayden Daniels will be destroyed playing for these terrible teams. They’ll both be playing in different cities within the next 3 years.
From this point on, Spencer is being drafted into a better situation.
Whether he gets picked by a perennial team with an aging QB looking to slowly pass the torch like Seattle or Dallas or he gets picked by a bad team but gets to sit on the bench for a season or two to learn the game, Rattler’s first start will be astronomically better than Drake Maye’s.
And now onto the Losers…
1. Taylor Swift haters
The Kansas City Chiefs continue to run the ‘get good players’ strategy with their first-round picks and once again, they go out there and grab the fastest wide receiver in combine history.
Patrick Mahomes’ newest WR holds the Combine 40-yard dash record (4.21) 🤯
Xavier Worthy ➡️ Chiefs
(via @NFL) pic.twitter.com/vy25vgkzCO
— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) April 26, 2024
The Chiefs just gave Patrick Mahomes the fastest player ever. The last time Mahomes was paired with the fastest player in the league, Tyreek Hill, they won a Super Bowl.
If you didn’t like seeing every Chiefs broadcast turn into the Taylor Swift show then you are going to HATE watching Kansas City next year when they’re blowing teams out and the broadcast has nothing interesting to do but show Taylor fake chugging a Michelob Ultra with Travis Kelce’s brother.
2. Buffalo Bills
The Bills traded down out of the no. 28 pick to swap with the Kansas City Chiefs at no. 32. Andddd then the Chiefs used the Bills pick to select the best receiver available knowing Josh Allen has a roster full of ‘weapons’ that would have a difficult time getting separation from their cousins at the annual Thanksgiving family turkey bowl.
THEN THE BILLS TRADED DOWN WITH THE CAROLINA PANTHERS WHO LEAPFROGGED THEM TO SELECT THE NEXT BEST WIDE RECEIVER.
I understand why Buffalo is trading down.
They are in salary cap hell and need a bunch of cheap young guys to rebuild this roster but maaaaaybe consider why these specific teams might want to draft ahead or instead of you.
Especially the Kansas City Chiefs—the one team the Bills cannot beat. The Chiefs should not have their roster subsidized by Buffalo.
3. Kirk Cousins
With the No. 8 pick in the 2024 NFL Draft, the Atlanta Falcons selected QB Michael Penix Jr to the surprise of everyone.
The Falcons just signed Kirk Cousins to a 4-year $180 million guaranteed contract a couple months earlier and now, not only are they drafting a QB that won’t be starting for a couple years but they’re picking the oldest option with a string of injury concerns so by the time he even gets to start, he could be like, 27 years old and 3 new ACLs later.
I don’t care about any of that. To be honest, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I’m more fascinated by Kirk Cousins’s reaction to this pick.
The Falcons called Kirk Cousins when they were on the clock to let him know.
From what I learned, Cousins understood a QB would be considered but he did not believe his successor would be taken in the first round. I’m told he’s a bit stunned.— Dianna Russini (@DMRussini) April 26, 2024
Oh no, Kirk Cousins doesn’t like what the Falcons did in the draft. BOOOO HOOO. What is this strange narrative that KIRK COUSINS deserves a heads-up on drafting decisions? Kirk is a 36-year-old coming off a torn achilles—who has ONE playoff victory in TWELVE seasons.
Who gives a fuuuuuuck what Kirk Cousins thinks????!
4. Desmond Ridder
Desmond was soooo awful last season that he forced the Atlanta Falcons to overpay for an aging quarterback and draft another one in a 6-week span just to ensure they never end up stuck in a position where they need to start a guy like Desmond Ridder ever again. Ridder changed the Falcons entire team-building philosophy.
5. Daniel Jones
Malik Nabers may be the most talented player in this entire draft. Daniel Jones no longer gets the benefit of the doubt. Andrew Thomas is one of the best tackles in the NFL. Malik Nabers, Jalin Hyatt and Wan’Dale Robinson are a receiver corp half the league would kill for. Darren Waller is having a strange offseason but he’s still a release valve in the middle of the field. Also newly entering the single field. Call me, Kelsey.
This is it for Daniel.
It’s time to show and prove for real. And unfortunately for Jones, I don’t think he’s good enough to succeed as an everyday starter in the NFL. First, the man doesn’t seem fully healthy from last season yet and I think he’s mentally cooked.
The offense transformed when Tommy DeVito became a starter as he was chucking the rock down the field. It became obvious Daniel Jones’s turnover mistakes early in his career have made him terrified of throwing deep. He’s about to look rouuuuuuugh this year and he won’t have any excuses.
Drew Lock SZN.
What are your thoughts on the 2024 NFL Draft? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
