The 2025-26 NBA season starts this week. Can the Oklahoma City Thunder become back-to-back champions? Will Nikola Jokic win another MVP? Is this LeBron James’s last NBA season? Will Victor Wembanyama dominate?
Probably.
Let’s make predictions based on out-of-context historical precedents, random coincidences, hunches, women’s intuition, delusions of grandeur and dreams provided by marijuana leaves.
Here are my 10 genius, correct, galaxy-brained predictions for the 2025-26 NBA season:
1. The Houston Rockets will be the 1 seed
52 wins last season.
Lost a 7-game first-round series to the Golden State Warriors.
Traded Jalen Green, their leading scorer, and Dillon Brooks, their defensive anchor—for Kevin Durant, one of the greatest NBA players of all time.
Decent upgrade.
But they lost their starting point guard, Fred VanVleet, right before the preseason, torn ACL, out for the year.
Fred Vanvleet sucks, respectfully.
He can control the pace, get guys in the right positions to run their offensive sets, risks his body on defense—seems like a chill teammate. Like, he’s a fun guy to grab dinner with on an East Coast road trip. When VanVleet gets the aux, no one complains. The type of guy to call your phone when he notices, across the room, you’re looking everywhere for it.
His late-game decision-making and shot-making are toxic—specifically, at the end of games.
Fred VanVleet shot 13-for-48 in clutch time last season.
That’s 27.1% from the field (and 23.5% from 3).
5 minutes left in the game, the rim might as well be 30 stories high. Game on the line, Fred VanVleet turns into Fred Flinstone—switching out the basketball with a bowling ball, shotputting cement at backboards.
His late-game hijinks are the direct reason why the Rockets went out there to get Kevin Durant.
Removing Fred, and his game-losing bricks, is a blessing.
Enter 2nd year PG, Reed Sheppard.
Reed Sheppard tonight:
29 Points
6 Rebounds
6 Assists
4 Steals
3 Blocks
12/22 FG
+11 +/-
29 MinutesLooking real comfortable ahead of year two, with a much larger role.pic.twitter.com/X5QeccH0pl
— Tristan Pharis (@TristanUda) October 17, 2025
Reed Sheppard provides shot-making, pick-and-roll navigation—he has strong second and third efforts defensively—built to spell the ball handling and playmaking duties when Alperen Sengun and Kevin Durant want a gatorade.
More Amen Thompson minutes.
More Jabari Smith.
More Tari Eason.
Dorian Finney-Smith can lock down ball handlers when he gets back from ankle surgery.
The Rockets were the 2 seed last season with 52 wins, Fred VanVleet being one of the worst players in the NBA at the end of games and no Kevin Durant.
The 1 seed is next.
2. Anthony Edwards has his ’88 Michael Jordan season
In 1988, at age 24, Michael Jordan won his first MVP trophy, leading the league in points (35.0), steals (3.2) and minutes (40.4).
In 2026, at age 24, Anthony Edwards will accomplish the same.
Anthony Edwards, coming off back-to-back Western Conference Finals losses, and an offseason where he says Michal Jordan helped improve his post game, I have complete confidence in Edwards unlocking another level of his game.
The MVP narrative is in his favor.
Xenophobia is en vogue.
Every time I open my phone, a new political “leader” gets their group chat leaked—saying shit like “Hitler was daddy” or whatever.
In an era dominated by Nikola Jokic and Luka Doncic and Giannis Antetokounmpo and now Victor Wembanyama—voters will go out of their way to vote for an American-born star.
Ant doesn’t have superstar—or even All-Star—teammates to allow hesitant voters to diminish his work.
Nickeil Alexander-Walker joined the Atlanta Hawks and was replaced by no one.
Mike Conley Jr turned 38 this month—coming off a series against OKC where he scored 22 points in 7 games combined.
The T-Wolves need Anthony Edwards to score.
When MJ won in ’88, Chicago was the 4th-best team in the East behind Boston, Detroit and Atlanta.
Minnesota won’t need to be the 1 seed for Ant Edwards to have his MVP season.
All he needs is buckets, impressive defensive performances on nationally televised games and the country’s fear of foreigners to propel the media narrative in his favor to secure the trophy.
Plus, Anthony Edwards reached out to Michael Jordan this offseason for help with his game.
Michael Jordan is returning to the NBA this season, to be featured weekly within NBC’s new broadcast.
All the stars are aligning.
This is destiny.
3. The Portland Trailblazers will win more games than the Los Angeles Clippers
The LA Clippers are the oldest team ever.
Literally.
Andrew Cuomo is considering sending COVID-19 patients to the Intuit Dome.
Clippers owner Steve Ballmer is under a microscope.
Pablo Torre turned over the couch cushions, finding receipts from Aspiration, a MLM faux-business, tasked with paying Kawhi Leonard $48 million for a “sponsorship” deal in which Kawhi was required to do absolutely nothing. It was Aspiration’s biggest sponsorship deal—bigger than their partnerships with Leonardo DiCaprio or Robert Downey Jr.—without ever even publicly announcing the deal. Kawhi, the least forward-facing, outgoing player in sports, was paid exorbitant money by a Clippers team sponsor to do nothing except play for the Clippers.
I doubt NBA commissioner Adam Silver will do anything about the obvious and clear salary cap circumvention here.
Steve Ballmer asked Aspiration to give Kawhi Leonard extra bread off the books—a story the NBA will try to ignore but will remain in the discourse—especially if former Mavs owner, Mark Cuban, won’t stop going on Pablo Torre’s podcast to be like “do you really think a guy like Steve Ballmer, a guy who cheated to help his local high school basketball team, would be dumb enough to get caught cheating with his professional basketball team, a team in which he spent millions of dollars and hundreds of hours planning and building a brand new building for them to play in?”
Anyway, this story will catch the 2025-26 Los Angeles Clippers. It’s only fitting Chris Paul is once again in a Clipper uni to witness another owner forced to selling his team after doing crime.
Meanwhile, the Portland Trailblazers are poised to be this year’s Detroit Pistons, led by a young defensive-minded group.
The Detroit Pistons lept last season just by hustling, physicality and having more energy on a nightly basis than opposing teams going through the motions of a long schedule.
I like Jrue Holiday dropped into the middle of an already stern unit of Toumani Camara and Donovan Clingan, allowing zero buckets on their watch.
Scoot Henderson gets a year beneath the learning tree of Damian Lillard and Jrue, two point guards with polar opposite strengths and weaknesses. Scoot could transform into a complete player by the end of the year while the Clippers awkwardly answer questions about Steve Ballmer all season long.
4. The Lakers miss the playoffs
LeBron James has sciatica.
Sciatica occurs “when irritation, inflammation, pinching, or compression affect one or more nerves that run down the lower back and into the legs,” according to the Cleveland Clinic. The condition is typically not considered serious and often improves with rest and self-care. A herniated disc is the most common cause.
“Disc herniation tends to be self-limiting,” said Dr. Santhosh Thomas, an expert in Interventional Spine and Musculoskeletal Medicine at the Cleveland Clinic. “Most people get better within a few weeks, maybe a few months, but you can speed it up by having spinal injections.
“Or if you have profound weakness, you may want to consider surgical options. But most people do not need to go through the surgical route. Medication, rehab medication, either by mouth or spinal injections, can be very good alternatives to surgical options in these patients.”
The team doesn’t function without him. It’s why he’s still here.
LeBron James has nerve damage in his back. This season is in the hands of Luka Doncic and a team of left-behinds.
Luka might average 70 a game and the Lakers will be in the lottery.
5. Atlanta Hawks trade Trae Young
Trae Young and the Atlanta Hawks could not agree on a contract extension before the season started.
Neither GM Onsi Saleh nor head coach Quin Snyder, chose Trae Young.
He is the final remnant of a failed regime that made one Eastern Conference Finals—5 years ago.
160-168 since.
Last season, Jalen Johnson emerged as a potential Eastern Conference All-Star before suffering a season-ending torn labrum.
Dyson Daniels became a villain defending on-ball.
Last year’s no. 1 overall pick, 20-year-old Zaccharie Risacher, has miles before his head hits his ceiling.
Nickiel Alexander Walker, Luke Kennard, Kristaps Porzingis in.
Trae Young and Quin Snyder could see this season differently.
Trae, potentially looking to run his numbers up in a contract year (he has a player option after this year but it’s the same thing)—could be in direct conflict with Snyder wanting a more defense-first, ball movement offense.
Honestly, whether the Hawks first half goes great or poorly, I still see Trae Young as expendable in the overall project.
Plus, teams with playoff ambitions lack point guards.
Minnesota, Houston, Toronto, Phoenix, New Orleans, Dallas, all without a bonafide PG1.
Any one of these teams could look around the standings in January and pull the trigger on a player like Trae Young, who’s already established a fearlessness in the pressure and spotlights of big games.
6. The Kings make the playoffs
So, I looked at the Kings schedule.
They start the season against Phoenix, Utah, Los Angeles (Lakers), Oklahoma City, and Chicago.
They could easily start their first week of the season 4-1.
If Sacramento starts the year confident in the Frankenstein they’ve built under duress—I have no reason to believe they won’t keep their heads above water.
We’ve already seen Zach LaVine and DeMar DeRozan have a little success together in Chicago.
They won 46 games together in 2021-22.
Lonzo Ball and Alex Caruso were crucial role players around them but Keegan Murray, Keon Ellis and Russell Westbrook can form some type of Megazord capable of perimeter defense, fastbreak initiations and ball movement.
Domantas Sabonis is a far better big man than LaVine and DeRozan had with Nikola Vucevic in Chicago.
Malik Monk and Dennis Schroder can go off on any given night.
They lack frontcourt depth—will often be the smaller team getting abused by big guys like Jokic and Wemby and Anthony Davis but fortunately, they don’t play MVP caliber centers every night.
Too many professional vets have lockers in that building to sink below the play-in tournament.
7. Ace Bailey will finish in the PPG Top 10
Ace Bailey can hoop. Don’t let his disdain for the draft process, his understandable disinterest in living in The Last of US epicenter of uber-religious, Hitler-day-dream-looking snowboarders, dependence on an agent who, no matter what time you’re reading this, is at a strip club right now, distract you from Bailey’s dedication to buckets.
Who else is going to score in Utah?
8. Doc Rivers joins the ESPN NBA broadcasts
The Milwaukee Bucks 2025-26 season was signed by Satan when GM, Jon Horst, signed a contract extension to remain in control of the team’s basketball operations—5 days after his big trade deadline acquisition, Kyle Kuzma scored 0 points in a playoff game.
Only two reasons why Horst is here long-term:
Either
1.) Jon Horst and Giannis Antetokounmpo have a strong relationship and Milwaukee’s fear of losing Giannis has trapped them with a general manager who destroyed the team’s salary cap to waive Damian Lillard, in order to make space for Myles Turner, a decent role player.
Milwaukee is operating out of desperation—signing all of Giannis’s kin, wasting roster spots on everyone at Giannis’s Thanksgiving table, regardless of their actual basketball prowess.
Or
2.) Milwaukee understands Giannis is most likely out the door, electing to stay loyal to Jon Horst and allow him to lead the inevitable rebuild, considering Horst helped get the Bucks that 2021 championship.
Regardless, this Giannis train is speeding towards unfinished tracks and Peter Parker isn’t coming to stop it.
Doc Rivers will be giggling with Charles Barkley and Stephen A. Smith by Christmas.
9. The Pistons will miss the playoffs
Malik Beasley painted the Pistons culture with his overconfidence, clutch shot-making and overall self-belief. He really bet on the team.
Tobias Harris and Tim Hardaway Jr, although frequent shot-missers, had 25 combined years of NBA experience. Dennis Schröder joined the club later and helped push them into nearly upsetting the New York Knicks in the first round.
All those guys are gone. Replaced by Caris LeVert and Duncan Robinson. (I know Tobias Harris is still there but if you’ve paid attention to his career at all, you know he’s done making an impact after his first season with the team. It’s time for him to stand in the corner waiting to collect his direct deposit.)
Third-year guard Jaden Ivey, the Prince Who Was Promised, expected to rise to the Pistons new playoff standards, sharing the backcourt with All-Star Cade Cunningham and ushering a new era of Pistons ball—will be out at least the first month of the season to recover from a knee surgery.
Don’t love when a 23-year-old misses most of last season with a fibula injury, only to return with a new knee injury.
Detroit is putting all its hopes on a young man who hasn’t done shit yet and can’t even get on the court without needing anesthesia and a scalpel.
10. This is Michael Porter Jr’s last year as an NBA starter
Coming out of high school, Michael Porter was poised for an All-NBA career. Then he Bane-Batman-ed his back, turning him into a spot shooter for the champion Denver Nuggets.
And now he’s the highest-paid player on a Brooklyn Nets team full of rookies and developmental projects and side missions for the coaching staff. While everyone within the building is focusing on next year’s draft, MPJ will receive the ultimate green light to dominate Brooklyn’s offense.
I fear Michael Porter Jr will flail in his usage.
I know he just scored 34 points on 12-for-20 shooting in Brooklyn’s final preseason game against the Toronto Raptors but Jimmer Fredette was putting up Hall of Fame numbers in meaningless games for like, 3 consecutive preseasons.
Over the course of an 82-game schedule, MPJ’s eyes will wander.
Every clip from Mike this offseason was him surrounded by sex workers or streamers kicked off Twitch for violations against their terms of service, relocated to Rumble—a haven where misogyny and racism can safely be monetized.
Every headline about the Porter family makes me question whether any of them should be allowed to leave their homes.
Without Nikola Jokic steering the ship and Michael Porter Jr behind the wheel, MPJ will lose his starting job to one of the young guns who aren’t interviewing Stephen Miller—discussing why Hispanics are an inferior species—and I don’t think Porter Jr will ever make another Starting 5 in his career.
Thanks for reading.
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