You Probably Shouldn’t Take Your Dick Out During a Zoom Meeting

The New Yorker has suspended writer Jeffrey Toobin after he took out his little wee wee during a zoom conference call between The New Yorker and WNYC radio. But the detail that makes this shit even stranger is that apparently they were doing a presidential election simulation.

When everyone took a brief break from the call, the report says that when a few people returned they could see Jeffrey Toobin with a different window opened up on his computer open just beating his little dick to smithereens.

There are a few ways to go about this unfortunate ‘mishap’. We can be naive and say that my man truly believed his cam was off and used his brief break to search for some Julie Cash videos. It happens to all of us. I literally wrote an article called ‘How To Stop Jerking Off During Quarantine‘. I understand. I Am Sparticus.

But we’re about 6 or 7 months into quarantine. Toobin has been working from home on these zoom calls for a while now. Are we really about to pretend he’s some elderly man fumbling around his keyboard who stood up by his suspenders weren’t attached to his slacks and his accidentally revealed his shriveled up genitals?

There are two possibilities here. One is just gross and the other is arrest worthy.

I think it’s highly possible Yung Toobin was Toobin with some cam girl just slapping his little meat around for HotTeen6969 for a bored 29 year old from the Midwest that’s pretending to be 16 years old for guys that work at the New Yorker.


Jeffrey Toobin knew his camera was still on. Knew everyone was coming back to the Zoom call and wanted to show his dirty dick to his female coworkers because he’s a sex criminal and that’s what they like doing.

I don’t know this man. Personally, I’m not getting that excited during a work zoom call in which we are simulating a presidential election. That’s not my kink. I’m more of a tit guy and less of a Joe Biden guy whatever gets you going is your business. You just can’t act on it at work. Pull out your electoral college fan fiction Google doc when you clock out for the day. Have a little self-control.

Also lolololol at the New Yorker. Why the fuck did you need to simulate the election? Is ANYONE getting their election coverage from the shouts and murmurs page? Of course Toobin didn’t take that shit seriously.

But yea, keep your sex organs away until the zoom call is over.




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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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