Yo What’s GOOD With Bryce Harper?

I’ll be honest, I’m getting tight. If that’s not clear. As you read this, imagine me saying all these words to you while angrily clapping my hands like you just stepped on my new Jordan’s and I’m trying not to slap the shit out of you.

What’s. Really. Good. With. Bryce. Tho.

Earlier this week it was reported that the Philadelphia Phillies are meeting with Bryce Harper. Of course that hasn’t happened yet because MLB hot stove ‘reporting’ is just a bunch of writers throwing out random ass stories every day so that their editors don’t realize they don’t need as many baseball writers in this shrinking world of journalism where writers are expendable.

The Chicago White Sox also have open interest in Bryce but have come out and said that signing Manny Machado is their number one priority and Bryce is option B. What are we doing here?

Let me stop here and explain my frustrations.

Bryce Harper is 26-years old and has already been to 6 All Star games. HE WAS THE 2015 NATIONAL LEAGUE MOST VALUABLE PLAYER. Why are we acting like this guy is some bum who doesn’t deserve a massive contract?

MLB GMs should be murdering each other in the streets like in Anchorman. Brian Cashman should be holding up Theo Epstein’s bloody scalp like a prize to be placed at the feet of Harper as tribute in hopes to curry favor from Bryce, the baseball god.

How is there no news or updates from teams trying to sign him? Why are team pretending to like this guy isn’t even a free agent? The Los Angeles Dodgers traded half their payroll and half their outfield away to free up room for Bryce and it wouldn’t shock me at all if they didn’t even contact him.

Bryce Harper is the biggest star in baseball. He’s 26 and he wants a 10-year contract. Is that an unreasonable request for a man who just hit 34 home runs and 100 RBIs last season?

Most 26-year olds want to maintain their current jobs at their current companies for 10 years. Sure, most 26-year olds aren’t demanding half a billion dollars but most 26-years also don’t have an MVP trophy under their belt.

My man just took over the home run derby, a contest that I do not give any fucks about. Just having him on your team will help you print more money. Harper jerseys would fly off the shelves.

What is good with Bryce Harper? Ken Rosenthal, the fuck is going on?

 

 

 

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you don’t understand why Bryce Harper isn’t being mentioned more. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.