— Tom Abrahams (@TomAbrahams13) July 16, 2018
Tatiana says she went out to a bar on Wednesday night with her next-door neighbor and Collins, who was temporarily staying with the neighbor.
She said they returned to her home after the bar, and Collins demanded more alcohol and cigarettes.
According to Tatiana, when she told Collins to leave her property, she said the woman jumped on her and pulled her to the ground by her hair.
Jessica Collins then allegedly bit off a large piece of Tatiana’s nose and swallowed it.
“I didn’t have time to react, to push her away,” said Tatiana. “I think I was trying to fight back, but I couldn’t. All I could remember was the taste of blood in my mouth.”
Jessica Collins had a drink too many with her neighbor and then ate her neighbor’s nose. It happens. Some people get too drunk and get into fistfights. Some people get too drunk and hook up with strangers. And some people get drunk and devour their friend’s face.
Typical Friday nights.
I don’t want to blame ‘Tatiana’ for getting her nose eaten. That would be unfair of me. But like, first of all, you have to know what you’re getting yourself into when you shoot Jessica Collins that ol’ Friday afternoon ‘what are you doing tonight?’ text.
She’s your next-door neighbor. You’ve 1000% percent heard all of her drunk shouting and nose eating from your bedroom at 3am.
Her first move when she attacked Tatiana was to eat her nose. She did that way too confidently to have only eaten one nose in her lifetime. There are a lot of noseless people walking around that town. Tatiana has to be aware of this.
Also, if you’re going to bring homegirl back to your house for the after party, you better have some alcohol or cigarettes to feed the beast.
Do you know how annoying it is when the night is dying down and one of your friends invites everyone back to their place and there’s no more alcohol? The fuck did you even bring me back here for? To talk? Are we about to talk? I’d honestly rather eat a nose.
The more I think about it, the more I have trouble figuring out what Jessica Collins did wrong. If you’re going to invite her to a ladies night, you better come right or don’t come. Might lose a nose in the process.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Jessica Collins should probably order a water at the bar next weekend. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.