in ,

Woman Breaks Into Her Ex’s House And Forces Him To Bang Her With a Machete

What Happened?

Samantha Ray Mears, 19, was charged Friday with two felonies — aggravated burglary and assault with a weapon — as well as several misdemeanors for the incident at her ex-boyfriend’s Great Falls home, according to the Great Falls Tribune.

Mears reportedly broke into her ex of seven years’ house Friday while he was away. When he returned, she confronted him with the large knife, demanded that he take off all his clothes and ordered him to lie on his bed.

Fearing bodily harm, the victim complied and she proceeded to remove her pants and climb on top of him.

Mears then began to engage him in sexual intercourse — all while still holding the machete.

(NY Post)

Samantha Mears want/needed to get laid and decided that the only person who could satisfy her thirst was the ol’ ex, whether he liked it or not. She broke in and patiently waited for him to return home before having her way with him.

I’ll be honest with you guys because I trust my readers. We’re a family here. We can share secrets. I’ve been known to have some performance issues when I’m stressed. For example, if there’s a ‘we have 5 minutes before my roommate comes home let’s hurry up’ situation, then there’s a 100% chance that I will have nothing to offer that poor young lady. Just a smile, a shrug and an apology.

I say all of that to say, I can’t imagine what would have happened if there’s a breaking and entering with a machete involved. Soft isn’t soft enough of a word to describe my body parts once large knives are pressed against my neck.

Dating. Is. Hard.

The more I think about it, the more I need Samantha Mears behind bars for the rest of time. I’m getting anxiety just thinking about this chick and her creepy little ‘whoops’ smile in her mugshot. We can’t have these women out here in the world anymore.

Lock her up and throw away the key.




sidenote: LOVE that she held the machete the entire time. Don’t put it down for a second. Keep your man motivated. She’d be a great college football coach. She’s better than Jim Harbough already.




Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Samantha Mears should be in jail forever. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

Leave a Reply

jameis winston

Keep Jameis Winston Away From Women Forever

alexandria ocasio-cortez

Let’s Talk About My New Hero and Brand New Congresswoman, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez