Why Do People Keep Hiring JB Bickerstaff As Their Assistant Coach?

The Cleveland Cavaliers and head coach, John Beilien, have agreed to parts aka they fired his ass.

The 67-year old coach spent 40 years of his career coaching college basketball where he was genuinely successful and decided to finally take the leap into the big leagues. He then led the Cavs to the worst record in the NBA and couldn’t make it a full season without the team ejecting him into the sun.

While everyone in the NBA media was beating their little wee wee’s off every time the Knicks committed a turnover, the Cleveland Cavaliers have been a bloody mass shooting.

In December, the players complained about the way Beilein coached the team by forcing them to do fundamental drills and ran film sessions that lasted forever. You know, stuff that happens when a guy spends his entire life in college basketball and never once had to coach a guy who was 30-years old who made 10 times more than he does and is trying to get IG models to fly out to Ohio while Beilein is screaming at them to grab a partner and work on their chest passes.

Tristan Thompson was seen shouting at Beilein on the sidelines of a game. Kevin Love looked pissed at how awful their offense was. The Cavs frustration was obvious all season long.

Oh, this elderly white dude accidentally called the team “thugs” during a film session but meant to say slugs even though that’s not a thing people say.

He sucks, is my point.

Enter JB Bickerstaff.

Let’s quickly go through JB’s coaching career:

  • 2015: Interim head coach of the Houston Rockets after Kevin McHale was fired.
  • 2017: Interim head coach of the Memphis Grizzlies after David Fizdale was fired.
  • 2020: Interim head coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers after John Beilein was fired.

At what point to head coaches simply refuse to allow JB Bickerstaff on their staff? We all predicted that Jason Kidd would Littlefinger his way into becoming the Los Angeles Lakers head coach after double-crossing Frank Vogel and slipping a bag of coke in his carry-on at LAX but nope, JB Bickerstaff, babyyy.

John Beilein didn’t stand a chance.

Bickerstaff was probably in his whispering “make them run more suicides. No, they need it trust me. They’ll appreciate them” and “Man, they are playing like some thugs out there. You should tell them that next film sesh, coach” all while preparing his own gameplan for his inevitable head coaching responsibilities.

SEEEEE YAAAAA, Beilein. I hope you learned a valuable lesson: never step outside of your comfort zone. Never try to climb the corporate ladder. Never. Try.







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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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