Stranger Things 2 has come and gone and it’s time to crown a winner. A lot of things went down in Hawkins this year. The Demogorgon have returned and this time there’s a Shadow Monster and Paul Reiser and Eleven’s nose is dripping with blood nonstop. What a ride.
But there were winners and there were losers. For example, losers, Barb’s parents for selling their house in order to pay for an investigation into the ‘disappearance’ of their daughter even though she’s mega dead in a ditch somewhere. Shout out to Nancy for not letting them know before they threw all of their funds into a lost cause. Nancy is a not good person. Dare I say, bad.
Boby Newby also walked away with a big fat L. Not sure I need to explain that one. Anytime you get gutted by monsters about 10 feet away from your potential escape from those very same monsters, you lost. Especially to save Joyce Byers, who probably would’ve dumped him in a week regardless.
A winner would be Brett Gelman’s character whose name I don’t know but I’m also not 1000% sure he was playing a character. There’s a very good chance that Brett Gelman actually lives in that shack and wants to listen to teenagers hump each other. Huge W for that lifestyle[1. if you’re into that or whatever].
But sure, some people had better seasons than others but there can ultimately be only one TRUE winner of Stranger Things 2.
So, who won Stranger Things 2?
Everyone and their mothers are raving about how great Steve Harrington was this season and of course I loved him too. I watched him put Dustin under his wing just like the rest of you. I get the Steve love. Steve and his bat with nails are relationship goals.
But from Steve’s perspective, he caught a huge L out here in Hawkins, Indiana. My man got dumped by his girlfriend at the Halloween party. First Billy breaks his world renown kegstand record. Then his girlfriend called their relationship ‘bullshit’ only to go home with another guy. Again, Nancy suuucks.
Steve got bullied, cucked and almost murdered.
The real winner of Stranger Things 2 is Mad Max. Do you understand how hard it is to get into these kid’s party? Everyone knows that Mike Wheeler keeps his circle incredibly small. No girls allowed. Unless you can lift vans with your mind and stuff.
Max has the record in almost every game at the arcade. She’s the best skater in town. She stepped up and put her older stepbrother in his place (moments after his dad beat the brakes off him, and he almost banged Mike’s mom. What a day for Billy).
Plus, round of applause to Sadie Sink for joining the Stranger Things crew. Those kids can do absolutely nothing for the rest of their lives and they will forever be immortalized in TV history. Now Sadie gets to chill on red carpets with Millie Bobbie Brown and she’ll probably be on the next season of Catfish helping Nev link up a delusional tattoo artist who thinks it’s totally normal that the ‘model’ he’d met on Myspace 12 years ago won’t speak to him on the phone, and a 350lb closeted gay man.
Mad Max FTW>