There is chaos in the streets now that the New York Yankees were eliminated by the Boston Red Sox in Game 4 of the ALDS. People are scrambling to cling to a new team to follow.
I love baseball. It’s my favorite sport. I also openly admit that if you’re not fully invested in one of the teams playing, it’s very easy to pass out after the first pitch.
Four teams remain; Boston Red Sox, Houston Astros, Los Angeles Dodgers and Milwaukee Brewers.
First of all, cross Boston of this list immediately. There are some lame sportsmanship fans who root for the team that eliminated their team because ‘hey, at least we lost to the champs’.
Nah, b. That is the lamest way to consume sports. If a team eliminates the Yankees, that team officially becomes public enemy number one.
Plus, it’s the Red Sox. Boston could go 0-162 next season and the Yankees could win the World Series and I’d still be at the championship parade screaming ‘FUCK BOSTON’ at the top of my tobacco filled lungs.
You can take that same logic and eliminate the Houston Astros from this conversation entirely. The Yankees would’ve won the World Series last year if they didn’t have to play against Justin Verlander. I am completely confident that if they won Game 7 then the World Series was a lock.
I don’t care if the Astros are playing against the Boston Red Sox or Nazi Germany, I am not rooting for MAGA Verlander and his wife with the gapped teeth. I will turn into a bloodthirsty killing machine like Wolverine if I go to a bar this weekend and see some bum in a George Springer jersey.
That leaves Los Angeles and Milwaukee.
Personally, I liked the Colorado Rockies team that Milwaukee eliminated in the NLDS. Matt Holliday is a Yankees legend. Nolan Arrenado is the best player in baseball and I wanted to see him get an opportunity to perform on the biggest stage. Trevor Story is a beast.
Milwaukee, not so much. Remember when Ryan Braun not only took HGH but then lied and acted like the drug testers were out to get him? People lost their jobs. Oh, and Ryan Braun straight up did steroids. Fuck Ryan Braun.
And let’s not forgot having to root for Josh Hader who 1000% refers to his teammate, Lorenzo Cain, as ‘my nigga’. The Brewers are assholes. No thanks.
Can I, a proud New Yorker currently writing this article with Timbs on my feet, feel good about myself rooting for a Los Angeles team?
The Dodgers are the most similar to the Yankees in that they are constantly mashing home runs. Home runs are dope, I reckon. It’s also cool to see future Yankee, Manny Machado, out there trying out for pinstripes.
David Freese is a postseason legend who I can for sure get behind. Last year, he opened up about his battle with depression and alcoholism and that he was suicidal during his time in St. Louis. This man was living MY life. I’m rooting for my brother to get another World Series MVP.
But again, am I actually hoping the Dodgers win? No. Chances are, I won’t be watching the rest of the playoffs. I am all in on the NBA season. It’s football time now. The New York Yankees were eliminated therefore baseball is over.
Yankees or die.