slide into her dms

When Is It Time To Slide Into Her DMs?

There comes a time in every young man’s life when you reach that fork in the road. When your back is against the wall and the only way to survive is to shoot your way out.

You’re liking photos on Instagram and she’s liking yours back. Retweets are flying back and forth on Twitter. You’ve got a Snapchat streak where you send selfies of yourselves ‘bored at work’ haha how fun!. You’re not using Facebook, of course, because you’re not weirdos.

And finally at some point you must ask yourself ‘is she into me? Do I DM her?’.

Walk with me. I’ll get you through this. We’ll figure out when to slide in those messages.

Is she single?

First and foremost, do your research. You can’t be out here breaking up happy homes. I mean, if that’s your thing then do that, do that, do do that that that, but those of you who aren’t monsters, find out if the lady is spoken for before you parachute into her messages.

Here’s a quick stat: 0 girls are 100% single.

Every single girl you meet is either talking to another guy or humping a guy that isn’t you. Every time.

If you meet a girl who doesn’t have any other guy in her life then she’s either lying, she’s sick or just awoke from a Captain America-esque coma and all of her friends are dead.

So is she single? No, probably not completely. Although chances are, if she doesn’t have an Instagram post with another boy in it, you’re in there. But again, always assume she’s banging someone else.

Would you want a DM from you?

Let’s say you’ve determined that homegirl is single and you’re going to pounce into her DMs. Take a quick step back and ask yourself how you would feel if you messaged you.

If on a random Wednesday at 10pm, would you want to look down at your phone and see that your bitch ass sent you a message?

No girl wants/needs you to pile into her messages because chances are, you’re not the only reckless idiot. She’s a girl on the Internet. She is constantly getting lazy unoriginal ‘hey’ messages from dudes all day every day. In what world are you suddenly different than all of the other little penises bothering her?

Stop being horny online and go outside. Dating is hard. I’ve said it a million times. I’ll say it a million times by the end of the day. Do not think that you sliding into her messages is like a cheat code to dating. You are not special. She is not patiently awaiting your arrival. Control yourself.

So should you slide into her DMs?

No, you buffoon.

If you are in any way unsure of whether or not a girl is into you, chances are she’s not. Leave her alone. There is nothing clever you can send to her that won’t immediately make you seem like a creep.

There are definitely some girls who will Like your shit in hopes of drawing your attention. They’ll want you to DM her and make the first move.

IT’S A TRAP.

Do not ever slide into a girl’s DMs regardless. Let her message you if she’s so thirsty. You gain nothing from diving in the DMs.

I’m a firm believer of meeting other humans in person, as gross as that sounds. I’m an even firmer believer of not bothering people. My DMs are exclusively used for spam when someone hasn’t logged into their account in years and their account just sends out random links to like buy sunglasses.

When is it time to DM her?

Fuckinguhhhh never.


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TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk to the king directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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