There comes a time in every young man’s life when you reach that fork in the road. When your back is against the wall and the only way to survive is to shoot your way out.
You’re liking photos on Instagram and she’s liking yours back. Retweets are flying back and forth on Twitter. You’ve got a S
Walk with me. I’ll get you through this. We’ll figure out when to slide in those messages.
Is she single?
First and foremost, do your research. You can’t be out here breaking up happy homes. I mean, if that’s your thing then do that, do that,
Here’s a quick stat: 0 girls are 100% single.
Every single girl you meet is either talking to another guy or humping a guy that isn’t you. Every time.
If you meet a girl who doesn’t have any other guy in her life then she’s either lying, she’s sick or just awoke from a Captain America-
So is she single? No, probably not completely. Although chances are, if she doesn’t have an Instagram post with another boy in it, you’re in there. But again, always assume she’s banging someone else.
Would you want a DM from you?
Let’s say you’ve determined that homegirl is single and you’re going to pounce into her DMs. Take a quick step back and ask yourself how you would feel if you messaged you.
If on a random Wednesday at
No girl wants/needs you to pile into her messages because chances are, you’re not the only reckless idiot. She’s a girl on the Internet. She is constantly getting lazy unoriginal ‘hey’ messages from dudes all day every day. In what world are you suddenly different than all of the other little penises bothering her?
Stop being horny online and go outside. Dating is hard. I’ve said it a million times. I’ll say it a million times by the end of the day. Do not think that you sliding into her messages is like a cheat code to dating. You are not special. She is not patiently awaiting your arrival. Control yourself.
So should you slide into her DMs?
No, you buffoon.
If you are in any way unsure of whether or not a girl is into you, chances are she’s not. Leave her alone. There is nothing clever you can send to her that won’t immediately make you seem like a creep.
There are definitely some girls who will Like your shit in hopes of drawing your attention. They’ll want you to DM her and make the first move.
Do not ever slide into a girl’s DMs regardless. Let her message you if she’s so thirsty. You gain nothing from diving in the DMs.
I’m a firm believer of meeting other humans in person, as gross as that sounds. I’m an even firmer believer of not bothering people. My DMs are exclusively used for spam when someone hasn’t logged into their account in years and their account just sends out random links to like buy sunglasses.
When is it time to DM her?
- Breaking Down Jay-Z’s Nasty Partnership With The NFL
- Enough of This Nonsense, Here is the Solution To The Dallas Cowboys Dak Prescott/Ezekiel Elliot/Amari Cooper Contract Situation
- Chris Cuomo Threatening To Throw A Man Down Stairs Because He Called Him ‘Fredo’ Is The Perfect Example That All Old White Men Are Trash
- Jeffrey Epstein Should’ve Killed Himself 66 Years Ago
- NBA 2K20 Just Tricked Me Into Buying Their Garbage Video Game